This is a(nother) question for guys (ladies can answer, too)...

[happykitten]

For those of you who are/were in relationships, how do you feel about your significant other having and pursuing friends of the opposite sex?

More specifically:

Guys, how do you feel about your girlfriend being close friends with other guys, going out with her guy friends (without you), and/or getting to know and befriend other males? Are you cool with that, or would you prefer it if you were the only male in her life?

Ladies, same question. How do you feel about your boyfriend/husband being good friends with other females, going out with them without you, or making new female friends?

What would you consider "possessive/controlling," and what would you consider caring and watching out for the other person?

Hope this made some sort of sense... I'm off to bed now.

Good night,
~kitten >^.^<

 

[TuffGuy]

that's a pretty touchy topic, and i don't think that there's any right answer. i think that you have to be able to trust your significant other to behave him/herself when playing with others, and you must also be secure enough with yourself so as not to get paranoid/jealous.

 

[dafatha00]

Shrug, it just depends on the guy and how much jealousy they have within them. All based on personality. Personally, I get slightly jealous when my girl hangs out with other guys, but I don't get overly uptight. But yah.

 

[bunker]

I don't mind if my wife makes male friends. As long as she's not hanging out with him every night (make me suspicious!) it's okay.

She wouldn't feel the same though. One of my really close friends in college (when I met my wife) was a female. Her and I used to hang out all the time. I'd spend the night at her place all the time, strictly as friends, and it never went any further. When I started dating my wife, she would get really jealous if I even called her to talk.

 

[GL]

It all depends on the situation. I'm convinced people size up those &quot;friends&quot; and if they aren't threatened, then they feel they can trust their significant other with them. But if they think the other person's an overall better package than themselves, the whole situation changes of course

 

[GoldenBear]

I like *always* being the guy that other girls with boyfriends look at.

 

[yobarman]

it really depends on the girl. If i were dating my &quot;ideal girl&quot; I would be able to trust her with anything. She's gotta love to have fun so she's gotta make friends with someone, and we all know males are the funnier half of the human race.

But with most girls...I dunno. It depends on how much you trust them. If i trust a girl a lot she can hand with whomever she pleases. I wouldn't like to the only man in any girls life...I've gotta share! (not in that way perverts!)

Since i'm not dating right now I can't give you an honest opinion, but I'm pretty sure this is how I'd act if i were.

Right now it's summer and I don't want to worry about relationships. I wanna get smashed, stoned, and laid every day I can. No woman's gonna hold me back not even happykitten

 

[Mister T]

I let my woman associate with anyone she wants male or female - I trust her 100%.
As long as you can TRUST your partner this is a non-issue.

 

[notfred]

I tend to be a bit uncomfortable when my gf goes out w/ other guys. Not that I don't trust her, I jsut don't trust the other guys.

 

[CuriousAndy]

It's fine with me 100% as long as:

1. She's faithful
2. She's aware of her guy friends' intentions (when there are any)

~mOo

 

[tantos]

As Tom Leykis would say: women do not have any male friends, just guys who haven't f*cked her yet..

 

[Pretender]

&quot;First come the cash, then come the ass, then come big blunts with big chunks of hash&quot;

Figure it out for yourself.

 

[J3anyus]

Really depends on the situation...

 

[Aceman]

I have no problems with my wife having male friends (except the perverted 19yr old jerk who ICQs her) I've always had better platonic relationships with females. It drove my wife nuts with jealousy that my exgirlfriend and I still had a strong friendship after I dated and then married my wife. She got to know my ex and they became good friends. My ex is now the Godmother of one of my kids and my wife trusts me completely with the ex. (Probably because she knows that if I did anything stupid, the ex would call her up right away.)
I've become friends with my wife's past boyfriends and male friends. It's a matter of trust and understanding.

 

[Jothaxe]

<< Guys, how do you feel about your girlfriend being close friends with other guys, going out with her guy friends (without you), and/or getting to know and befriend other males? Are you cool with that, or would you prefer it if you were the only male in her life? >>



I think it is important that my girlfriend is able to have friendships with other guys. This is only possible because there is a high fundamental level of trust between us. I know she cares about me more than anyone else in the world, so I do not feel threatened if she hangs out with, and becomes close friends with other guys.

A few times in the past it has happened that these guy &quot;friends&quot; have decided to try to take things further than just friends, knowing full well that she was with me already. I have been happy to see that each time this happened, she has completely turned them down, and she no longer hangs out with the guys that have tried this sort of thing.

Because she has such a spotless record in this area, I trust her more than ever, and I feel comfortable letting her hang out with any guys that she feels comfortable with.




<< What would you consider &quot;possessive/controlling,&quot; and what would you consider caring and watching out for the other person? >>



Honestly, I dont think it can ever be considered &quot;watching out for the other person&quot; to desire them not to hang out with the opposite sex. On the other hand, it doesnt have to be &quot;possessive/controlling&quot; either. Although the feelings may be motivated by self-interest, there is nothing wrong with them unless they are so intense that they make the other person feel uncomfortable. That is, if kept within reason, these jealous feelings can be a positve thing if they reassure the partner that you care, but as soon as they start to stifle the partner they have crossed the line and become &quot;possessive/controlling.&quot;

Exactly where this line falls depends on the relationship in question. It takes time for serious trust to develop, so when a relationship has only existed for a few months, I think that it is probably best if each partner tries to indulge the other by being overly-circumspect, i.e. hanging out with the opposite sex less than they might normally.

With a bit of work in the relationship, it should be possible for each partner to develop frienships with the opposite sex, without emotionally draining the other person. The key thing to note is that this takes work. Every relationship goes at a different pace, but as a guideline, maybe a year should be long enough that each person is able to act normally around, and hang out alone with friends who are the opposite sex without deeply bothering the partner.

I should note that working to build this foundation of trust requires a significant amount of maturity in both partners. Its not something that exists in all relationships, perhaps only in a minority of relationships. But it may be something that exists in all lasting and worthwhile relationships!

-jothaxe

 

[AnimeKnight]

At first I had a little problem with my GF going out with other guys.. espeically one of the guys sending her emails and e-greeting cards.. but after a long talk with her.. I realized that in order for a relationship to work I have to learn to trust her.. So if I can't trust her now then there is no point of having the relationship..
That was 3 years ago.. we are still together she still hanging out with other guy friends and I am hanging out with my female friends

 

[Aihyah]

&quot;As Tom Leykis would say: women do not have any male friends, just guys who haven't f*cked her yet..&quot;

haha yea and guys think about f*cking all their women friends, even the ugly ones just because its a good thing people can't read minds

 

[Spoooon]

What I learned in psychology of women is that, for the most part, the closer and more serious the relationship is, there are fewer and fewer opposite sex friends. Basically the couple gravitates toward doing things as a couple rather than independent of one another. Which makes sense, because ideally, your mate is going to be your best friend.

 

[pulse8]

I was possesive and controlling for 2 years while me and my girlfriend were apart. Well, when I was cool with her being friends with a guy and spending time with him, she developed feelings for him. We broke up for a different reason, she's dating him now. I guess you can say I'm a little suspect when it comes to that. Although it's been a year since I've had a steady girlfriend, so I can't really say how I'll be in my next relationship.

 

[1967mustangman]

If I am in any relationship where I need tp worry about her then I need to seriously think about getting out of that realtionship. If you cannot trust a person not to cheat on you then what is the point of having a relationship with them?

 

[JohnnyKnoxville]

Why should I be jealous if my woman goes out with other guys,after all I am a Greek God

 

[SackOfAllTrades]

Honestly, it's cool with me if my girlfriend hangs out with other males. I wouldn't want her to be mad at me if I ever hung out with my lady friends.

And if I it ever did bother me, I'm the type of person that would want to show her how much of a better time she can have with me by being more attentive or just be more romantic or being more fun and outgoing than her male friends. I hate to sound like a jerk but if my signifant other hung out with males, I'd show her that hanging out with me is a much more fun time.

But I do understand that we are all going to have friends with the opposite sex.

 

<< Guys, how do you feel about your girlfriend being close friends with other guys, going out with her guy friends (without you), and/or getting to know and befriend other males? Are you cool with that, or would you prefer it if you were the only male in her life? >>



Let her do what she feels she needs to do. But it should not infringe on your sex life or your relationship. You cannot tell someone &quot;NO&quot;, that makes it all the more enticing.
Everyone needs to have friends of the opposite sex, its just healthy.

 

[troglodytis]

i'm completely cool with it. what do i care if she hangs with boys or girls? she can be friends with whomever she pleases.

i'm not the least bit worried about someone sweeping her off her feet, i do that constantly.


personaly, i have more girl firends than boy friends. i just get along with girls better. she doesn't have a prob with that either. she is my love. the others are simply friends.

 

[tim0thy]

<< I tend to be a bit uncomfortable when my gf goes out w/ other guys. Not that I don't trust her, I jsut don't trust the other guys. >>

this was exactly how i felt when i was dating my ex... nothing could describe it better.

<edit>and one of those guys were going after her fully knowing that we have been going out for a long time. yea, that peed me off! :|</edit>