This girl will be the death of me...

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Accipiter22

Banned
Feb 11, 2005
7,942
2
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OK...I met this girl, since Summer 2005. At the time she was with a horrible verbally/psychologically abusive bf. They would periodically break up, but she wasn't mature enough, or in the right place to start something with. We've kept in touch over the last 18 months or so. So about a month ago we start talking again, she's been broken up with that guy for months, and she seems mature..(and I am as well)...so we start hanging out a bit in groups and wot not, then start making plans to hang out on our own...We decide to hang out for Valentine's day, and this past weekend we get to talking more about getting closer and wot not. So everything's fine...and then last night she tells me she thinks we're getting too close and we should take a break from hanging out and talking...I'm like wtf....basically from what I read her as saying was that she associates getting close with a guy as being 'possessed' by that guy (since her ex was a p.o.s. to her once they got close).

So my question is this, should I just leave her alone, and not talk to her at all for a while, or should I talk to her about it, like why she feels that when we get close I'm going to suddenly become possessive of her?

Other than that one flaw, honestly, there's nothing I dislike about this girl. It's really eating at me.
 
SmoochyTX

SmoochyTX

Lifer
Apr 19, 2003
13,615
0
0
Originally posted by: Accipiter22
OK...I met this girl, since Summer 2005. At the time she was with a horrible verbally/psychologically abusive bf. They would periodically break up, but she wasn't mature enough, or in the right place to start something with. We've kept in touch over the last 18 months or so. So about a month ago we start talking again, she's been broken up with that guy for months, and she seems mature..(and I am as well)...so we start hanging out a bit in groups and wot not, then start making plans to hang out on our own...We decide to hang out for Valentine's day, and this past weekend we get to talking more about getting closer and wot not. So everything's fine...and then last night she tells me she thinks we're getting too close and we should take a break from hanging out and talking...I'm like wtf....basically from what I read her as saying was that she associates getting close with a guy as being 'possessed' by that guy (since her ex was a p.o.s. to her once they got close).

So my question is this, should I just leave her alone, and not talk to her at all for a while, or should I talk to her about it, like why she feels that when we get close I'm going to suddenly become possessive of her?

Other than that one flaw, honestly, there's nothing I dislike about this girl. It's really eating at me.
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Giver her some space for a little bit.
 
N

NiteWulf

Golden Member
Jan 3, 2003
1,112
1
0
Originally posted by: darkswordsman17
Originally posted by: SmoochyTX

Giver her some space for a little bit.
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Yep. Don't pressure her or you're likely to push her further away. At least that's my opinion.
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Good opinion. Give her the space and let her know what you think about how she associates closeness with posession, but be very careful to not phrase it or put it in the wrong tone to make her feel guilty or make her out to be doing something wrong. Just state it as a belief and tell her that you're fine with it and you're ready to resume where you left off whenever she feels like it
 
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Balt

Lifer
Mar 12, 2000
12,673
482
126
Based on what you said about her Ex, it sounds like she likes the possessive types even if she doesn't want to admit it.

Methinks she is giving you the brush.
 
T

Tuktuk

Senior member
Jan 30, 2007
406
0
0
Careful, if a girl has a horrible ex that will one day be you. Unless you knew them as a couple well enough to know what she says is true. If you are only hearing one side of it, no matter how bad it sounds, be very, very careful.
 
TehMac

TehMac

Diamond Member
Aug 18, 2006
9,976
3
71
Talk to her. Don't be a sucker. Males > Females. Just remember that. ;)
 
JulesMaximus

JulesMaximus

No Lifer
Jul 3, 2003
74,599
1,003
126
She's either getting back together with the idiot ex-BF or she's really gun shy about getting into a relationship. Either way I'd try and talk it out with her. Tell her how you feel and be honest. If it doesn't work out then so be it...at least you gave it a shot.
 
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Accipiter22

Banned
Feb 11, 2005
7,942
2
0
thanks guys....yeah it seems almost like she WANTS possessive guys now even though she won't admit it...ironically a possessive or disrespectful guy wouldn't respect her wishes for space and would still be talking to her now. I'm going to give her space for several days, then try and gently talk it out with her.
 
K

kamikaze27

Senior member
Jan 2, 2007
283
0
0
shut her out of your life, and hope that the time you two spent together was meaningful enough for her to realize after some time that, you actaully mean something to her.
 
Zap

Zap

Elite Member
Oct 13, 1999
22,377
7
81
"... cut a hole in the box... put your stuff in the box..." lalala
 
pyonir

pyonir

Lifer
Dec 18, 2001
40,856
321
126
Originally posted by: kamikaze27
shut her out of your life, and hope that the time you two spent together was meaningful enough for her to realize after some time that, you actaully mean something to her.
Click to expand...

That's what i'm doing with the girl i'm in a similar situation with. :) If not, oh well...i'll move on.
 
drinkmorejava

drinkmorejava

Diamond Member
Jun 24, 2004
3,567
7
81
I think the best thing you could do for her is be like WTF, and lay it out in front of her. However, if she can't figure it out or denys the reality of it, then your frienship gets thrown out the window.
 
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