have you considered seeing a psychologist? serious. It seems like you have a problem that at least needs to be diagnosed.
<< It's clear you don't love your girlfriend.
I was a hound dog till I met my wife.
Do I find some other women attractive?
Sure....but the desire is not the same as it was before I met my wife.
Without honor and respect, there is no love. >>
I kind of agree. I don't doubt that you love your girlfriend. But she's not the girl for you if you don't want to spend the rest of your life with her, I guess.
ScoobMaster, you might as well have been talking about me!!!
I married my first love as well, and she also happens to be my best friend. We both waited with sex until our wedding night, and we know we did not lose out on anything by not having any previous experiences. For us sex is and will always be something that is just between the two of us and we have no desire to test out other partners. In fact, the idea of being with a woman other than my wife disgusts me. Lovemaking is enjoyable primarily because of the depth of love and intimacy we have between my wife and I.
Aren't you missing out on something, MichaelD?
I married my first love as well, and she also happens to be my best friend. We both waited with sex until our wedding night, and we know we did not lose out on anything by not having any previous experiences. For us sex is and will always be something that is just between the two of us and we have no desire to test out other partners. In fact, the idea of being with a woman other than my wife disgusts me. Lovemaking is enjoyable primarily because of the depth of love and intimacy we have between my wife and I.
Aren't you missing out on something, MichaelD?
Miramonti
Lifer
- Aug 26, 2000
- 28,653
- 100
- 106
I would push her out of the way and get hit by the bus if she was in danger.
Well if you ask me it sounds like she's in danger now, so it must be time for you to go kiss a moving radiator.
Actually you need more intimacy in your woman relationship and you'll find more fulfillment and feel more loyalty with her. That doesn't necessarily refer to sex, but emotional intimacy/vulnerability etc.
Well if you ask me it sounds like she's in danger now, so it must be time for you to go kiss a moving radiator.
Actually you need more intimacy in your woman relationship and you'll find more fulfillment and feel more loyalty with her. That doesn't necessarily refer to sex, but emotional intimacy/vulnerability etc.
<< << Just how old are you? >>
33. And was involved w/my highschool GF at 15. I got hooked very early...still hooked. >>
Seems simple to me: you got attached at too early an age and now you want diversity. I stayed pretty much an uncommitted bachelor until the age of 35. I'd been having sex with different girls since the age of 14. I've had all the diversity I wanted and finally found a girl who I wanted to spend my life with; now fidelity is an easy thing for me.
If you want to be an uncommitted bachelor now and go have sex with various women, do it. But you better realize you can't have your cake and eat it too. You're going to have to break up with your GF; it's not fair to her to string her along.
MichaelD,
it sounds like you need to get really good at basketball... you've got shawn kemp syndrome. Kemp was up to 7 kids by different women at last count.
I don't know if you've "settled" on your gf, but I'll make a bet that she's "settled" on you.
it sounds like you need to get really good at basketball... you've got shawn kemp syndrome. Kemp was up to 7 kids by different women at last count.
I don't know if you've "settled" on your gf, but I'll make a bet that she's "settled" on you.
You need to build a strong relationship now so that you'll have someone to spoon your applesauce when you're older. When you're on a walker it will be too late to track down that big smile from a 21 year-old. (unless you have billions like what's-his-name and Anna what's-her-name...)
MichaelD:
You are missing the point. It is because sexuality is such a beautiful, pleasurable, intense, wonderful thing that monogamy is so essential.
There is no doubt that committed, long-term, monogamous relationships are a boon to society. If it is a boon to society, it is a boon to you as an individual, whether you have eyes to see that truth or not.
It is not a matter of choosing what is best for me over what is best for others. It is a matter of choosing what is best and reinforcing that choice again and again. Until you do this, you will not experience peace.
The more a person is at one with himself and inwardly undivided, the more varied and profound things does he understand, and that without effort (Thomas a Kempis, 1472 AD)
What I am getting at is this: sexuality is the most beautiful physical aspect of a human being. Hence, the choice to give that gift to one person and only one person is a powerful act that lays a foundation upon which genuine love can build over time.
Until someone with such a powerful sexual drive submits his sexuality to this higher ideal of love, that one will always feel conflict. Passion is not bad; but passion is meant to draw us out of ?Self? into the volitional commitment to ?Other.? When the volitional commitment to other endures long enough, then one sees that the false divide between what is good for ?Self? and what is good for ?Other? is a delusion. In this area, women are generally more sensitive then men. Though they cannot always explain it, many of them know intuitively that every time they share themselves with someone who is not committed to keeping that sacred secret between them alone, part of them dies. Men are usually (not always) more thick skulled in this area. If your act inflicts damage on another's heart, you are damaging yourself.
All delusions are destructive; the longer they go are actively enforced, the more destructive they become.
You are thirty-one? If something of these things doesn?t sink in by the time you are fifty-one, you may find life teaching you quite emphatically the law of diminishing returns.
Since your sex drive is so strong, what better way could you express love to your girlfriend than to place her above it and place your sex drive under her domain?
The gift is yours to give or squander.
To re-emphasize my point, I am not bashing your sex drive, or your love for beautiful women. I am not judging. If these words have offended you, then no doubt I have butchered in some measure what I am trying to say.
You are missing the point. It is because sexuality is such a beautiful, pleasurable, intense, wonderful thing that monogamy is so essential.
There is no doubt that committed, long-term, monogamous relationships are a boon to society. If it is a boon to society, it is a boon to you as an individual, whether you have eyes to see that truth or not.
It is not a matter of choosing what is best for me over what is best for others. It is a matter of choosing what is best and reinforcing that choice again and again. Until you do this, you will not experience peace.
The more a person is at one with himself and inwardly undivided, the more varied and profound things does he understand, and that without effort (Thomas a Kempis, 1472 AD)
What I am getting at is this: sexuality is the most beautiful physical aspect of a human being. Hence, the choice to give that gift to one person and only one person is a powerful act that lays a foundation upon which genuine love can build over time.
Until someone with such a powerful sexual drive submits his sexuality to this higher ideal of love, that one will always feel conflict. Passion is not bad; but passion is meant to draw us out of ?Self? into the volitional commitment to ?Other.? When the volitional commitment to other endures long enough, then one sees that the false divide between what is good for ?Self? and what is good for ?Other? is a delusion. In this area, women are generally more sensitive then men. Though they cannot always explain it, many of them know intuitively that every time they share themselves with someone who is not committed to keeping that sacred secret between them alone, part of them dies. Men are usually (not always) more thick skulled in this area. If your act inflicts damage on another's heart, you are damaging yourself.
All delusions are destructive; the longer they go are actively enforced, the more destructive they become.
You are thirty-one? If something of these things doesn?t sink in by the time you are fifty-one, you may find life teaching you quite emphatically the law of diminishing returns.
Since your sex drive is so strong, what better way could you express love to your girlfriend than to place her above it and place your sex drive under her domain?
The gift is yours to give or squander.
To re-emphasize my point, I am not bashing your sex drive, or your love for beautiful women. I am not judging. If these words have offended you, then no doubt I have butchered in some measure what I am trying to say.
- Jan 16, 2001
- 31,528
- 3
- 76
<< MichaelD:
You are missing the point. It is because sexuality is such a beautiful, pleasurable, intense, wonderful thing that monogamy is so essential.
There is no doubt that committed, long-term, monogamous relationships are a boon to society. If it is a boon to society, it is a boon to you as an individual, whether you have eyes to see that truth or not.
It is not a matter of choosing what is best for me over what is best for others. It is a matter of choosing what is best and reinforcing that choice again and again. Until you do this, you will not experience peace.
The more a person is at one with himself and inwardly undivided, the more varied and profound things does he understand, and that without effort (Thomas a Kempis, 1472 AD)
What I am getting at is this: sexuality is the most beautiful physical aspect of a human being. Hence, the choice to give that gift to one person and only one person is a powerful act that lays a foundation upon which genuine love can build over time.
Until someone with such a powerful sexual drive submits his sexuality to this higher ideal of love, that one will always feel conflict. Passion is not bad; but passion is meant to draw us out of ?Self? into the volitional commitment to ?Other.? When the volitional commitment to other endures long enough, then one sees that the false divide between what is good for ?Self? and what is good for ?Other? is a delusion. In this area, women are generally more sensitive then men. Though they cannot always explain it, many of them know intuitively that every time they share themselves with someone who is not committed to keeping that sacred secret between them alone, part of them dies. Men are usually (not always) more thick skulled in this area. If your act inflicts damage on another's heart, you are damaging yourself.
All delusions are destructive; the longer they go are actively enforced, the more destructive they become.
You are thirty-one? If something of these things doesn?t sink in by the time you are fifty-one, you may find life teaching you quite emphatically the law of diminishing returns.
Since your sex drive is so strong, what better way could you express love to your girlfriend than to place her above it and place your sex drive under her domain?
The gift is yours to give or squander.
To re-emphasize my point, I am not bashing your sex drive, or your love for beautiful women. I am not judging. If these words have offended you, then no doubt I have butchered in some measure what I am trying to say. >>
Wow. Now you've got me thinking deep thoughts...and feeling a little guilty too.
Your words make perfect sense, and no offense is taken. Maybe I need to do what smokers who are trying to quit do: wear a thick rubber band around my wrist and everytime I want to do something naughty, snap the crap out of the rubberband. :QI've got a weekend away w/my GF coming up. We haven't been "away" in a while...I think it's gonna be a great weekend!
AreaCode707
Lifer
- Sep 21, 2001
- 18,447
- 133
- 106
I'm in awe of Athanasius and see why he's an elite at 800+ posts. I couldn't have said it any better than this-
"Since your sex drive is so strong, what better way could you express love to your girlfriend than to place her above it and place your sex drive under her domain?"
"Since your sex drive is so strong, what better way could you express love to your girlfriend than to place her above it and place your sex drive under her domain?"
Hi MichaelD:
Well, if something pierces our veil of conflicting desires and resonates deep within, at that moment it seems as if all is well and now life will be so much simpler.
But daily living generates fog, and we lose sight of things that we thought we once saw. The test will come in the steely resolve to apply this over the next thirty years, even at times when one doesn't see the truth that once seemed there and now doubts whether it even exists.
As for feeling guilty, I am not sure that such feelings are really helpful byt themselves. Since it is exceedingly difficult to change how we feel about anything, we often gain more ground by basing the foundation of our lives elsewhere. If the negative feelings of guilt have any benefit, it comes in the positive resolve to examine our hearts and embrace a different way and change actions from now on. Even God doesn't change the past, so it is rarely productive to get all worked up about it.
Now back to what really drives so much of ATOT:
Where are the pics of all of these beautiful women? (j/k)
Well, if something pierces our veil of conflicting desires and resonates deep within, at that moment it seems as if all is well and now life will be so much simpler.
But daily living generates fog, and we lose sight of things that we thought we once saw. The test will come in the steely resolve to apply this over the next thirty years, even at times when one doesn't see the truth that once seemed there and now doubts whether it even exists.
As for feeling guilty, I am not sure that such feelings are really helpful byt themselves. Since it is exceedingly difficult to change how we feel about anything, we often gain more ground by basing the foundation of our lives elsewhere. If the negative feelings of guilt have any benefit, it comes in the positive resolve to examine our hearts and embrace a different way and change actions from now on. Even God doesn't change the past, so it is rarely productive to get all worked up about it.
Now back to what really drives so much of ATOT:
Where are the pics of all of these beautiful women? (j/k)
AreaCode707
Lifer
- Sep 21, 2001
- 18,447
- 133
- 106
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