I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about the rat crap
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every
envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same
reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
receive
the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending to me for
participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I can't enjoy a good Latte from Starbucks an ymore because they WOULD
NOT send any coffee to that poor Army Sgt who requested it.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a friend along to watch
the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the
microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face disfiguring me for
life.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone w ill drug me with
a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support
our American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer worry about sudden cardiac arrest, since I can now cough
myself back to life instead of wasting time calling 911.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive
my free replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus >since I now
have their recipe.
I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African
spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my
butt.
I can't even pick up the $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because
it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to
grab my leg.
If you don't send this e -mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM
this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually
happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second
husband's cousin's beautician, who is a lawyer.
Jokersmoker
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every
envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same
reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
receive
the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending to me for
participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I can't enjoy a good Latte from Starbucks an ymore because they WOULD
NOT send any coffee to that poor Army Sgt who requested it.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a friend along to watch
the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the
microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face disfiguring me for
life.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone w ill drug me with
a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support
our American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer worry about sudden cardiac arrest, since I can now cough
myself back to life instead of wasting time calling 911.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive
my free replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus >since I now
have their recipe.
I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African
spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my
butt.
I can't even pick up the $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because
it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to
grab my leg.
If you don't send this e -mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM
this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually
happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second
husband's cousin's beautician, who is a lawyer.
Jokersmoker
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