Things I've learned while working on my car:

[Zenmervolt]

1) No matter what kind of work you do, something will manage to draw blood.
2) The PCV valve, which is easily accessed by removing the air cleaner box from the carburatored version of your car's engine, is burried underneath aluminum high-pressure fuel line in your FI engine.
3) A failed $15 PCV valve will create symptoms that are identical to a failed $250 distributor.
4) You will replace the distributor first. :disgust:
5) No matter what the parts guy says, they do not have the part in stock. It doesn't matter if they looked, they were wrong, it's not there.
6) The moment you say, "I've finally got the car all sorted out for the moment," the car will begin to hemorrage oil and brake fluid will disappear from the reservoir with no visible leaks anywhere.
7) Turning on the heater in an air-cooled car reminds you that there are holes in the heat exchangers. If you're lucky, you remember the holes in the heat enchangers before you pass out from carbon monoxide fumes.

Please feel free to add your own lessons. I was just "inspired" today while replacing the PCV valve and Coolant Temp Sensor in my Honda.

ZV

 

[JeffreyLebowski]

You will not have all the required tools.:disgust:

 

[Tominator]

Those are pretty good! LOL!

Ever notice it always takes twice the force to loosen a drain plug than it did to tighten it?

If you wash your car it will always rain within 12 hours.

Ever notice that birds always flock to clean cars?

 

[datalink7]

You will always have a leftover screw or part that you have no idea where it came from :Q

 

[dman]

If a nut/bolt can get lost it will.

if you don't have a garage:
When you *finally* have a chance to work on the car, it will rain. :|

When you do start working on the car, the sun sets at x2 speed.

And (similar to one above):
The likelyhood of finding the replacement part increases the further away from your location the parts store is. :disgust:

When you get home, you'll find out the replacement part is broken. Even (especially) if they tested it in the store. :Q

You'll find out your 'new' replacement part is broken 5minutes after they close. :frown:

You'll loose the receipt for the 'lifetime guarantee' part.

The part will break x+1 past the warranty period for all warranty's length x.

If you kept / find the receipt, the parts store will be out of business when you go to return the item. :Q

 

[morkinva]

The 15mm-long socket you desparately need is missing

 

Shame on you Zem, you forgot the most obvious and most occuring one;

No matter how careful, how well lit and how clean the floor is, you will inevitably drop a bolt, nut or tool that magically vanishes into another dimension, never to be seen again.

Edit;
Don't forget the inevitable "Jezz I forgot this part or tool, drive back to the parts store for the umpteenth time".

By the way, drawing blood is a ritual that must occur or you cannot call yourself a real mechanic

 

[Tominator]

Originally posted by: morkinva
The 15mm-long socket you desparately need is missing

I've got a dozen 15mm, it's the 12mm that keeps losing itself!

 

[Eli]

You start taking the bolts out, one by one... You get to the last one... And it won't budge.

So you run and grab your trusty WD-40. Soak that sucker down, and wait a few minutes.. Still no go.

Infact, now you've rounded the bolt off. So you go grab your (very handy) battery terminal pliars.. get a good grip, and twist.

The bolt head breaks off.

You sigh, put your tools down, and go have a beer while you contemplate how much time it's going to take and how much it's going to cost to drill the decapitated bolt out, and stick a HeliCoil insert in it.

:disgust:

 

[Tominator]

Originally posted by: Roger
Shame on you Zem, you forgot the most obvious and most occuring one;

No matter how careful, how well lit and how clean the floor is, you will inevitably drop a bolt, nut or tool that magically vanishes into another dimension, never to be seen again.

I always find it! Right after I bought and installed the replacement!

 

[notfred]

When you fix one thing, you'll notice three more things that were macgyvered back together by the previous owner that you should fix too.

Just bypass the PCV equipment and you won't have to wory about it until you need to pass smog.

It always takes longer than it should.

Inspection covers have sharp edges.

 

[Zebo]

You will always second guess yourself not taking to the professionals sometime thoughout the ordeal.

 

You start taking the bolts out, one by one... You get to the last one... And it won't budge.

So you run and grab your trusty WD-40. Soak that sucker down, and wait a few minutes.. Still no go.

Infact, now you've rounded the bolt off. So you go grab your (very handy) battery terminal pliars.. get a good grip, and twist.

The bolt head breaks off.

You sigh, put your tools down, and go have a beer while you contemplate how much time it's going to take and how much it's going to cost to drill the decapitated bolt out, and stick a HeliCoil insert in it.

That's what Oxy/Acetaline torches are for

You will always second guess yourself not taking to the professionals sometime thoughout the ordeal.

I don't have that problem

 

[Zenmervolt]

Originally posted by: Roger
Shame on you Zem, you forgot the most obvious and most occuring one;

No matter how careful, how well lit and how clean the floor is, you will inevitably drop a bolt, nut or tool that magically vanishes into another dimension, never to be seen again.

Edit;
Don't forget the inevitable "Jezz I forgot this part or tool, drive back to the parts store for the umpteenth time".

I also forgot the, "When changing the oil, the oil filter will be situated in such a way that in a best case scenario you can grip approximately 1/8 of the filter with the oil filter wrench and turn the filter approximately 10 degrees +- 1 degree."

And Roger, I know exactly where those bolts go; they migrate directly to the hole leading to the old and unused cistern that sits under my parents' garage.

ZV

EDIT: I can't just bypass the PCV system, the FI gets all wonky when it doesn't get the "normal" vacuum readings which have been calibrated for a system with the valve in it.

 

Zem;
What about the ones that never hit the damn floor ?

 

[Zenmervolt]

Originally posted by: Roger
Zem;
What about the ones that never hit the damn floor ?

They go to live with the socks that disappear from the drier.

ZV

 

You actually break the number one rule when working on your vehicle, you stuff tools in your pockets ?

Shame on you

Edit;
How about the inevitable "oops I dropped the "Drop Light" (Da)" and now I have to go back inside for the third time to get a replacement bulb.
God, I hate that !

I guess that's why they call them drop lights.

 

[dman]

It always takes longer than it should

.
The earlier you start working, the more problems you'll find / the longer it takes.
Your S.O. says you spend too much time 'tinkering' with the car(s)... except when there's a problem with her's (sexist, but, oh well). Then you also don't know what you are doing, can't get started fixing it soon enough, and you'll still spend WAY too much time.

You are always around (damn) when your "friend" needs help fixing their car. They are NEVER around when you do.

 

[Zenmervolt]

Originally posted by: Roger
You actually break the number one rule when working on your vehicle, you stuff tools in your pockets ?

Shame on you

Huh? I balance my tools precariously directly above expensive and fragile engine parts just like you're supposed to. The socks in the drier comment was just a referrence to that mysterious land where all things go after they mysteriously disappear. I do kind of wonder where all the bolts that fall off our riding mower go though. The mowing deck never seems to find them.

ZV

EDIT: The term "drop light" is rather misleading, since the tool is more often dark than light. And I swear that drop lights were invented by people who wanted to sell more light bulbs.

 

[notfred]

Originally posted by: Zenmervolt

Originally posted by: Roger
Shame on you Zem, you forgot the most obvious and most occuring one;

No matter how careful, how well lit and how clean the floor is, you will inevitably drop a bolt, nut or tool that magically vanishes into another dimension, never to be seen again.

Edit;
Don't forget the inevitable "Jezz I forgot this part or tool, drive back to the parts store for the umpteenth time".

I also forgot the, "When changing the oil, the oil filter will be situated in such a way that in a best case scenario you can grip approximately 1/8 of the filter with the oil filter wrench and turn the filter approximately 10 degrees +- 1 degree."

And Roger, I know exactly where those bolts go; they migrate directly to the hole leading to the old and unused cistern that sits under my parents' garage.

ZV

EDIT: I can't just bypass the PCV system, the FI gets all wonky when it doesn't get the "normal" vacuum readings which have been calibrated for a system with the valve in it.

Get a car that's less of a apin in the ass

 

[Maleficus]

the smallest most obscure part will always break and will cost more than the whole freaking car

 

[Zenmervolt]

Originally posted by: notfred

Originally posted by: Zenmervolt

Originally posted by: Roger
Shame on you Zem, you forgot the most obvious and most occuring one;

No matter how careful, how well lit and how clean the floor is, you will inevitably drop a bolt, nut or tool that magically vanishes into another dimension, never to be seen again.

Edit;
Don't forget the inevitable "Jezz I forgot this part or tool, drive back to the parts store for the umpteenth time".

I also forgot the, "When changing the oil, the oil filter will be situated in such a way that in a best case scenario you can grip approximately 1/8 of the filter with the oil filter wrench and turn the filter approximately 10 degrees +- 1 degree."

And Roger, I know exactly where those bolts go; they migrate directly to the hole leading to the old and unused cistern that sits under my parents' garage.

ZV

EDIT: I can't just bypass the PCV system, the FI gets all wonky when it doesn't get the "normal" vacuum readings which have been calibrated for a system with the valve in it.

Get a car that's less of a a pain in the ass

"Sometimes you like the 'child' a little more who has problems." I am trying to replace it though. Of course, the car I want to replace it with has a reputation for being, shall we say, demanding. (Damn me and my addiction to fun yet horribly impractical vehicles.)

ZV

 

[wolf papa]

Originally posted by: Roger
Zem;
What about the ones that never hit the damn floor ?

1. There will always ALWAYS be an adjacent hole in the firewall, door or some other part of the car ........
2. They will never drop directly down. They will cling by one thread until you knock them down while trying to retreive them with barbecue tongs.
3. They will rattle forever, as if mocking you.

 

[notfred]

Originally posted by: Zenmervolt

Originally posted by: notfred

Originally posted by: Zenmervolt

Originally posted by: Roger
Shame on you Zem, you forgot the most obvious and most occuring one;

No matter how careful, how well lit and how clean the floor is, you will inevitably drop a bolt, nut or tool that magically vanishes into another dimension, never to be seen again.

Edit;
Don't forget the inevitable "Jezz I forgot this part or tool, drive back to the parts store for the umpteenth time".

I also forgot the, "When changing the oil, the oil filter will be situated in such a way that in a best case scenario you can grip approximately 1/8 of the filter with the oil filter wrench and turn the filter approximately 10 degrees +- 1 degree."

And Roger, I know exactly where those bolts go; they migrate directly to the hole leading to the old and unused cistern that sits under my parents' garage.

ZV

EDIT: I can't just bypass the PCV system, the FI gets all wonky when it doesn't get the "normal" vacuum readings which have been calibrated for a system with the valve in it.

Get a car that's less of a a pain in the ass

"Sometimes you like the 'child' a little more who has problems." I am trying to replace it though. Of course, the car I want to replace it with has a reputation for being, shall we say, demanding. (Damn me and my addiction to fun yet horribly impractical vehicles.)

ZV

What are you going to buy?

 

[dman]

<-- LMAO at this thread.