- Jul 20, 2001
- 72,307
- 32,819
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About six weeks ago I took up bicycling again. I used to bike ~200 miles a week between commuting and joyriding. Then I got lazy and fat and stopped for a few years. I dropped the weight again so I figured I'd start riding again. I know it takes a while to get used to the seat after not biking for awhile so I gave it a few weeks to stop killing my butt but it wasn't getting any better. So I decide to head down to the bike shop to buy a new seat (a new saddle for those inclined to make technical corrections). My old bike seat was original to the twenty six year old bike and is a hard vinyl covered horn. I knew that there were these new fangled "gel" seats made with high density foam to be more comfortable.
So I innocently and nievely appoach the saddle display at the bike shop and start looking at the saddles. I find one that looks okay and turn it over to read the technical info on the back. At this point I am expecting to read how this is the perfect seat for racing/touring/mountain biking/ or leisure. But..no, that's not what is written on the product card.
What is there instead, and is also on the product card for every saddle in the store is a vivid description of erectile dysfunction, the causes, and how this particular seat will save your sex life. The card goes into detail about parts of me I don't beleive I have ever seen. It describes how the seat was tested. It describes various metrics of male vigor and uprightness. It describes the XJ9 5400b Manliness Meter they used to measure these metrics on men using this particular seat vs men who used lesser seats. It describes something that measures numbness, and the relative swelling of the prostate. By the time I got to the cashier with my new purchase I felt embarassed. She had already seen my old bike seat. She knew what such a seat implied. The public humiliation of men with hard seats.
Cliffs:
Started biking again.
Seat hurt my butt.
Went to buy new seat.
Got a lesson on erectile dysfunction instead.
So I innocently and nievely appoach the saddle display at the bike shop and start looking at the saddles. I find one that looks okay and turn it over to read the technical info on the back. At this point I am expecting to read how this is the perfect seat for racing/touring/mountain biking/ or leisure. But..no, that's not what is written on the product card.
What is there instead, and is also on the product card for every saddle in the store is a vivid description of erectile dysfunction, the causes, and how this particular seat will save your sex life. The card goes into detail about parts of me I don't beleive I have ever seen. It describes how the seat was tested. It describes various metrics of male vigor and uprightness. It describes the XJ9 5400b Manliness Meter they used to measure these metrics on men using this particular seat vs men who used lesser seats. It describes something that measures numbness, and the relative swelling of the prostate. By the time I got to the cashier with my new purchase I felt embarassed. She had already seen my old bike seat. She knew what such a seat implied. The public humiliation of men with hard seats.
Cliffs:
Started biking again.
Seat hurt my butt.
Went to buy new seat.
Got a lesson on erectile dysfunction instead.
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