- Feb 5, 2003
- 4,150
- 8
- 81
Some of these are great! Others, I admit, were over my head. Could someone explain #3 and #8? I don't know much about Logicians. Also, what is the meaning behind #12?
http://higherperspectives.com/jokes-for-intellectuals/?c=cleo&ts_pid=2&ts_pid=2
1. Its hard to take kleptomaniacs and puns seriously. Why? They take things literally.
2. What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
3. Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks Do all of you want a drink? The first logician says I dont know. The second logician says the same. The third says Yes!
4. Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing a rousing game of hide and seek. Einstein begins to count to ten. Pascal runs and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square in the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims Newton! I found you! Youre it! Newton replies You didnt find me. You found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!
5. A mathematician and an engineer decided theyd take part in an experiment. They were both put in a room and at the other end was a naked woman on a bed. The experimenter said that every 30 seconds they could travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician stormed off, calling it pointless. The engineer was still in. The mathematician said Dont you see? Youll never get close enough to actually reach her. The engineer replied, So? Ill be close enough for all practical purposes.
6. A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. You mean a martini? asks the bartender. The Roman replies, If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it.
7. Another Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says Five beers please!
8. A logicians wife is having a baby. The doctor hands the baby to the dad. His wife asks if its a boy or girl. The logician replies Yes.
9. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting in a cafe revising his first draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, I would like a cup of coffee please. No cream. the waitress replies, Im sorry sir, but were out of cream. How about with no milk?
10. Boy I tell ya, entropy aint what it used to be.
11. How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce unionized.
12. Why do engineers mix up Christmas and Halloween? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25
13. Noam Chomsky, Kurt Godel and Werner Heisenberg walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other and says Obviously this is a joke, but how can we tell if its funny? Godel replies We cant know that because were inside the joke. Chomsky says Of course its funny, youre just telling it wrong.
14. Pavlov is at a bar enjoying a pint. The phone rings and he shouts Oh! I forgot to feed the dog.
15. Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, Sorry, we dont serve noble gases here. Helium doesnt react.
16. Shrodingers cat walks into the bar and doesnt.
17. A buddhist monk approaches a burger foodtruck and says make me one with everything. The buddhist monk pays with a $20 bill, which the vendor takes, puts in his cash box, and closes the lid. Wheres my change? the monk asks. The vendor replies, change comes from within.
18. A Higgs Boson walks into a church. The priest says We dont allow Higgs Bosons in here. The Higgs Boson replied, Well, without me, you cant have mass.
19. A programmers wife asks him to pick up a loaf of bread and, if they have eggs, get a dozen. The programmer comes home with a dozen loaves of bread.
20. Theres a band called 1023MB. They havent had any gigs yet though.
http://higherperspectives.com/jokes-for-intellectuals/?c=cleo&ts_pid=2&ts_pid=2
1. Its hard to take kleptomaniacs and puns seriously. Why? They take things literally.
2. What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
3. Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks Do all of you want a drink? The first logician says I dont know. The second logician says the same. The third says Yes!
4. Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing a rousing game of hide and seek. Einstein begins to count to ten. Pascal runs and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square in the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims Newton! I found you! Youre it! Newton replies You didnt find me. You found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!
5. A mathematician and an engineer decided theyd take part in an experiment. They were both put in a room and at the other end was a naked woman on a bed. The experimenter said that every 30 seconds they could travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician stormed off, calling it pointless. The engineer was still in. The mathematician said Dont you see? Youll never get close enough to actually reach her. The engineer replied, So? Ill be close enough for all practical purposes.
6. A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. You mean a martini? asks the bartender. The Roman replies, If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it.
7. Another Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says Five beers please!
8. A logicians wife is having a baby. The doctor hands the baby to the dad. His wife asks if its a boy or girl. The logician replies Yes.
9. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting in a cafe revising his first draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, I would like a cup of coffee please. No cream. the waitress replies, Im sorry sir, but were out of cream. How about with no milk?
10. Boy I tell ya, entropy aint what it used to be.
11. How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce unionized.
12. Why do engineers mix up Christmas and Halloween? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25
13. Noam Chomsky, Kurt Godel and Werner Heisenberg walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other and says Obviously this is a joke, but how can we tell if its funny? Godel replies We cant know that because were inside the joke. Chomsky says Of course its funny, youre just telling it wrong.
14. Pavlov is at a bar enjoying a pint. The phone rings and he shouts Oh! I forgot to feed the dog.
15. Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, Sorry, we dont serve noble gases here. Helium doesnt react.
16. Shrodingers cat walks into the bar and doesnt.
17. A buddhist monk approaches a burger foodtruck and says make me one with everything. The buddhist monk pays with a $20 bill, which the vendor takes, puts in his cash box, and closes the lid. Wheres my change? the monk asks. The vendor replies, change comes from within.
18. A Higgs Boson walks into a church. The priest says We dont allow Higgs Bosons in here. The Higgs Boson replied, Well, without me, you cant have mass.
19. A programmers wife asks him to pick up a loaf of bread and, if they have eggs, get a dozen. The programmer comes home with a dozen loaves of bread.
20. Theres a band called 1023MB. They havent had any gigs yet though.
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