My buddy sent this in an email. Unbelieveable.
These are the ones that didn't qualify for the Darwin Award because they
lived to tell about it
1. AT&T fired President John Walter after nine
months, saying he "lacked intellectual leader-
ship." He received a $26 million severance
package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking
intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS
Police in Oakland, California, spent two
hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had
barricaded himself inside his home. After
firing ten tear gas canisters, officers
discovered that the man was standing beside
them, shouting "Please come out and give yourself
up"
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun,
kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to
two different automated teller machines. The
kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from
his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas, Kwik Stop
and asked for all the money in the cash drawer.
Apparently the take was too small, so he tied
up the store clerk and worked the counter himself
for three hours until police showed up and grabbed
him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery
suspect who just couldn't control himself during a
lineup. When detectives asked each man in the
lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your
money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's
not what I said"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife
is pregnant, and her contractions are only two
minutes apart". "Is this her first child?" the
doctor asked. "No" the man shouted, "This is her
husband"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was
arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America
branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a
finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, the
failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
( helllllllooooooo
8. THE GRAND FINALE
This is a true story Last summer, down on Lake
Isabella, located in the high desert an hour east
of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to
boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard
they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22-ft.
Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at
all, and it was very sluggish in almost every
maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After
about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted
over to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could
tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check
revealed everything in perfect working order. The
engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the
prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the
marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath.
He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
REMEMBER, THIS IS TRUE.....Under the boat, still
strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
CONCLUSION: "Never attribute to malice that which is
adequately explained by stupidity".
These are the ones that didn't qualify for the Darwin Award because they
lived to tell about it
1. AT&T fired President John Walter after nine
months, saying he "lacked intellectual leader-
ship." He received a $26 million severance
package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking
intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS
Police in Oakland, California, spent two
hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had
barricaded himself inside his home. After
firing ten tear gas canisters, officers
discovered that the man was standing beside
them, shouting "Please come out and give yourself
up"
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun,
kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to
two different automated teller machines. The
kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from
his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas, Kwik Stop
and asked for all the money in the cash drawer.
Apparently the take was too small, so he tied
up the store clerk and worked the counter himself
for three hours until police showed up and grabbed
him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery
suspect who just couldn't control himself during a
lineup. When detectives asked each man in the
lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your
money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's
not what I said"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife
is pregnant, and her contractions are only two
minutes apart". "Is this her first child?" the
doctor asked. "No" the man shouted, "This is her
husband"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was
arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America
branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a
finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, the
failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
( helllllllooooooo
8. THE GRAND FINALE
This is a true story Last summer, down on Lake
Isabella, located in the high desert an hour east
of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to
boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard
they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22-ft.
Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at
all, and it was very sluggish in almost every
maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After
about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted
over to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could
tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check
revealed everything in perfect working order. The
engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the
prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the
marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath.
He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
REMEMBER, THIS IS TRUE.....Under the boat, still
strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
CONCLUSION: "Never attribute to malice that which is
adequately explained by stupidity".
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