- Oct 15, 1999
- 8,076
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forward to. Goes on about jobs, the bills, the food, the ways to struggle to survive. Goes on and on about the hardships in the future. What future? If I cannot see it being good. I see it as futle and nothing worthwhile.
Maybe as I write this, my mind would ease. But what good would that do? I want to see things as perfect as can be but realize perfection comes at a price. Are we really happy or just content with the way of life right now? Are we wasted away in endless purchases and endless consuming?
After getting education maybe true that it would help. But for what? Talents being medial. We walk in the world as robots. Producing the necessary power to turn the gears of this dirt mound.
There is no point to live anymore. Not when I cannot see anything ahead or willing to do anything about it. Not when I cannot find myself and strive to become me. I cannot find me anywhere.
My light fades fast. I kept it glowing for so long yet I have no idea or clue why I still keep my inner light lit. All I know is the longer I still glow, the more and more darkness will soon consume me. I see that there is nothing for me but great intense inner pain.
Being to forced into the world, I await my ugly fate one way or another. I rather be a rock than what I am now. There soon be no support for this dock. I will soon fall if I do not get up.
But what to hold on to to get up? Support from the creators of the dock that ships port to? The only support there is? Perhaps it is not enough for this dock.
What lies in store for the ship at sea? What shall the captain and crew would be? Would they find paradise in a new world to create a fresh new colony? Or would they crash in the many storms surging in the ocean waters?
A situation like these and many more apply.
Yet even if the dock is well and supporting, there is another newer dock more structurally sound and better built. Or there are no more islands to colonize thereby the ship endlessly sails. Or a light outshines me and many more. I become nothing but a flickering match compared to the glows of sunlamps.
I no longer feel that I stand out. But yet like a sore thumb, I do not feel well.
I hate the world. I see there is nothing that is worth living in this heap of crap. Make what you will but blanketyblank that!!!! That is bullcrap. I see no way in making it better for the crew on my ship. I see no more fuel in keeping my fire burning. I do not see myself in the mirror. Just an empty shell.
I do not see myself clearly in the past for I have long forgotten who I am. I still yet to see what I am even though with such information. Thereby I do not see myself in the future.
I do not know what I want or desire. I float like driftwood...
Maybe as I write this, my mind would ease. But what good would that do? I want to see things as perfect as can be but realize perfection comes at a price. Are we really happy or just content with the way of life right now? Are we wasted away in endless purchases and endless consuming?
After getting education maybe true that it would help. But for what? Talents being medial. We walk in the world as robots. Producing the necessary power to turn the gears of this dirt mound.
There is no point to live anymore. Not when I cannot see anything ahead or willing to do anything about it. Not when I cannot find myself and strive to become me. I cannot find me anywhere.
My light fades fast. I kept it glowing for so long yet I have no idea or clue why I still keep my inner light lit. All I know is the longer I still glow, the more and more darkness will soon consume me. I see that there is nothing for me but great intense inner pain.
Being to forced into the world, I await my ugly fate one way or another. I rather be a rock than what I am now. There soon be no support for this dock. I will soon fall if I do not get up.
But what to hold on to to get up? Support from the creators of the dock that ships port to? The only support there is? Perhaps it is not enough for this dock.
What lies in store for the ship at sea? What shall the captain and crew would be? Would they find paradise in a new world to create a fresh new colony? Or would they crash in the many storms surging in the ocean waters?
A situation like these and many more apply.
Yet even if the dock is well and supporting, there is another newer dock more structurally sound and better built. Or there are no more islands to colonize thereby the ship endlessly sails. Or a light outshines me and many more. I become nothing but a flickering match compared to the glows of sunlamps.
I no longer feel that I stand out. But yet like a sore thumb, I do not feel well.
I hate the world. I see there is nothing that is worth living in this heap of crap. Make what you will but blanketyblank that!!!! That is bullcrap. I see no way in making it better for the crew on my ship. I see no more fuel in keeping my fire burning. I do not see myself in the mirror. Just an empty shell.
I do not see myself clearly in the past for I have long forgotten who I am. I still yet to see what I am even though with such information. Thereby I do not see myself in the future.
I do not know what I want or desire. I float like driftwood...
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