The World's Oldest Remote Control

[NFS4]

The World's Oldest Remote Control

Check out mookow's last upload for an even funnier one

 

[n0cmonkey]

Repost.

EDIT

 

[Frew]

NFS4 is a repost.

 

[olds]

Originally posted by: NFS4
Check out mookow's last upload for an even funnier one

:shocked:

 

[Turkish]

Originally posted by: LeadFrog
NFS4 is a repost.

lol

 

[NFS4]

Originally posted by: n0cmonkey
Repost.

EDIT

**This is just a front for the better pic...hint, hint**

 

[Mookow]

 

[Goosemaster]

nice.

 

[Rallispec]

Originally posted by: NFS4

Originally posted by: n0cmonkey
Repost.

EDIT

**This is just a front for the better pic...hint, hint**

wink wink nod nod

 

[n0cmonkey]

Originally posted by: NFS4

Originally posted by: n0cmonkey
Repost.

EDIT

**This is just a front for the better pic...hint, hint**

And that would have been a repost too, but one from a lot longer ago.

 

[n0cmonkey]

Originally posted by: Rallispec

Originally posted by: NFS4

Originally posted by: n0cmonkey
Repost.

EDIT

**This is just a front for the better pic...hint, hint**

wink wink nod nod

Nudge Nudge



Man:
'Evening, squire!

Squire:
(stiffly)
Good evening.

Man:
Is, uh,... Is your wife a goer, eh? Know whatahmean, know whatahmean, nudge nudge, know whatahmean, say no more?

Squire:
I, uh, I beg your pardon?

Man:
Your, uh, your wife, does she go, eh, does she go, eh?

Squire:
(flustered)
Well, she sometimes 'goes', yes.

Man:
Aaaaaaaah bet she does, I bet she does, say no more, say no more, know whatahmean, nudge nudge?

Squire:
(confused)
I'm afraid I don't quite follow you.

Man:
Follow me. Follow me. That's good, that's good!
A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat!

Squire:
Are you, uh,... are you selling something?

Man:
SELLING! Very good, very good! Ay? Ay? Ay?
(pause)
Oooh! Ya wicked Ay! Wicked Ay! Oooh hooh! Say No MORE!

Squire:
Well, I, uh....

Man:
Is, your uh, is your wife a sport, ay?

Squire:
Um, she likes sport, yes!

Man:
I bet she does, I bet she does!

Squire:
As a matter of fact she's very fond of cricket.

Man:
'Oo isn't? Likes games, eh?
Knew she would. Likes games, eh?
She's been around a bit, been around?

Squire:
She has traveled, yes. She's from Scarsdale.

(pause)

Man:
SAY NO MORE!!
Scarsdale, saynomore, saynomore, saynomore, squire!

Squire:
I wasn't going to!

Man:
Oh! Well, never mind. Dib dib?
Is your uh, is your wife interested in... photography, ay? 'Photographs, ay', he asked him knowlingly?

Squire:
Photography?

Man:
Snap snap, grin grin, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more?

Squire:
Holiday snaps, eh?

Man:
They could be, they could be taken on holiday.
Candid, you know, CANDID photography?

Squire:
No, no I'm afraid we don't have a camera.

Man:
Oh.
(leeringly)
Still, mooooooh, ay? Mwoohohohohoo, ay? Hohohohohoho, ay?

Squire:
Look... are you insinuating something?

Man:
Oh, no, no, no... yes.

Squire:
Well?

Man:
Well, you're a man of the world, squire.

Squire:
Yes...

Man:
I mean, you've been around a bit, you know, like, you've, uh... You've 'done it'...

Squire:
What do you mean?

Man:
Well, I mean like,... you've SLEPT, with a lady...

Squire:
Yes...

Man:
What's it like?

 

[Rallispec]

:beer: cheers noc!


Mr. Praline: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The owner does not respond.)

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, Miss?

Owner: What do you mean "miss"?

Mr. Praline: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

Owner: We're closin' for lunch.

Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

Mr. Praline: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

Mr. Praline: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you
show...

(owner hits the cage)

Owner: There, he moved!

Mr. Praline: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

Owner: I never!!

Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!

Owner: I never, never did anything...

Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Mr. Praline: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.

Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?

Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour
ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

Mr. Praline: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the
first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and
VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

Owner: No no! 'E's pining!

Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e
rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the
bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

(pause)

Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh,
we're right out of parrots.

Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.

Owner: I got a slug.

(pause)

Mr. Praline: Pray, does it talk?

Owner: Nnnnot really.

Mr. Praline: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

Owner: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)

Mr. Praline: Well.

(pause)

Owner: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?

Mr. Praline: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.