- Oct 30, 1999
- 11,815
- 102
- 106
Got this in my mail today. Thought it was funny:
FEUDALISM:
You have two cows.
Your lord takes some of the milk.
FASCISM:
You have two cows.
The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
TOTALITARIANISM:
You have two cows.
The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
PURE SOCIALISM:
You have two cows.
Your neighbors help you take care of them, and then you all share the milk.
DICTATORSHIP:
You have two cows.
The government takes both and shoots you.
NIGERIAN DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
The government takes both, shoots you and sends the cows to Zurich.
MILITARISM:
You have two cows.
The government takes both and drafts you.
CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull. The market collapses and the bank owns your farm.
SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS:
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering intolerant past) two differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
COUNTERCULTURE:
Wow, dude, there's like .... these two cows, man. You have got to have some of this milk.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
Since you are a landowner, the government fines you for keeping unlicensed farm animals, the cows get two whacks of the cane each for being unlicensed.
PURE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
REPUBLICAN DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
The Supreme Court picks which one will get milked for the next four years. They call him "President", everyone else calls him "King George".
BRITISH DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad. The government does nothing.
EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that, it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
NEW AGE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows, one of which was Cleopatra in an earlier life, the other a baseball backstop. You outfit both with magnets and crystals, read them their sun sign predictions, daily, assure them that no one will ever eat them, unless they have created bad Karma, put sponges on
their hooves, so that they will not step on and kill insects, collect their droppings for use as a natural shampoo, pour their milk on the ground in sacrificial animism at the rising of every full moon, and play romantic, minimalistic music while breeding them to elks, in your most
inclusive fashion.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a
Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the right to all seven cows'milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because of bad feng shui.
FEUDALISM:
You have two cows.
Your lord takes some of the milk.
FASCISM:
You have two cows.
The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
TOTALITARIANISM:
You have two cows.
The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
PURE SOCIALISM:
You have two cows.
Your neighbors help you take care of them, and then you all share the milk.
DICTATORSHIP:
You have two cows.
The government takes both and shoots you.
NIGERIAN DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
The government takes both, shoots you and sends the cows to Zurich.
MILITARISM:
You have two cows.
The government takes both and drafts you.
CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull. The market collapses and the bank owns your farm.
SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS:
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering intolerant past) two differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
COUNTERCULTURE:
Wow, dude, there's like .... these two cows, man. You have got to have some of this milk.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
Since you are a landowner, the government fines you for keeping unlicensed farm animals, the cows get two whacks of the cane each for being unlicensed.
PURE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
REPUBLICAN DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
The Supreme Court picks which one will get milked for the next four years. They call him "President", everyone else calls him "King George".
BRITISH DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad. The government does nothing.
EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that, it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
NEW AGE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows, one of which was Cleopatra in an earlier life, the other a baseball backstop. You outfit both with magnets and crystals, read them their sun sign predictions, daily, assure them that no one will ever eat them, unless they have created bad Karma, put sponges on
their hooves, so that they will not step on and kill insects, collect their droppings for use as a natural shampoo, pour their milk on the ground in sacrificial animism at the rising of every full moon, and play romantic, minimalistic music while breeding them to elks, in your most
inclusive fashion.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a
Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the right to all seven cows'milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because of bad feng shui.