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The Wit and Wisdom of George W. Bush

My sis gave me both of the Bushisms books last Christmas. Precious. My favorite:

"Things would be a lot easier if this was a dictatorship, as long as I'm the dictator."
 
Originally posted by: ClueLis
My sis gave me both of the Bushisms books last Christmas. Precious. My favorite:

"Things would be a lot easier if this was a dictatorship, as long as I'm the dictator."
Click to expand...

He has Ashcroft working on that right now 😉
 
Since this is a wit and wisdom thread here is a blatant attempt to hijack it:


A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude
and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can
you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I
don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air
balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above
sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100
degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically
correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I'm
still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're
going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect ME
to solve your problem. You're in EXACTLY the same position you were
before we met, but somehow now, it's MY fault.
 
Originally posted by: Ultra Quiet
Since this is a wit and wisdom thread here is a blatant attempt to hijack it:


A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude
and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can
you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I
don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air
balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above
sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100
degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically
correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I'm
still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're
going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect ME
to solve your problem. You're in EXACTLY the same position you were
before we met, but somehow now, it's MY fault.
Click to expand...

Wait...there's conservative jokes now?!?! 😉 😀
 
Originally posted by: Ultra Quiet
Since this is a wit and wisdom thread here is a blatant attempt to hijack it:


A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude
and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can
you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I
don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air
balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above
sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100
degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically
correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I'm
still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're
going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect ME
to solve your problem. You're in EXACTLY the same position you were
before we met, but somehow now, it's MY fault.
Click to expand...



Not bad, but you have to work Libertarians in there too 🙂
 
Originally posted by: WinstonSmith
Originally posted by: Ultra Quiet
Since this is a wit and wisdom thread here is a blatant attempt to hijack it:


A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude
and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can
you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I
don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air
balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above
sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100
degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically
correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I'm
still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're
going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect ME
to solve your problem. You're in EXACTLY the same position you were
before we met, but somehow now, it's MY fault.
Click to expand...



Not bad, but you have to work Libertarians in there too 🙂
Click to expand...
the other guy in the boat who was never asked 😉
 
Originally posted by: Ultra Quiet
Since this is a wit and wisdom thread here is a blatant attempt to hijack it:


A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude
and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can
you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I
don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air
balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above
sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100
degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically
correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I'm
still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're
going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect ME
to solve your problem. You're in EXACTLY the same position you were
before we met, but somehow now, it's MY fault.
Click to expand...

heh heh funny. i love those balloon jokes.
 
Originally posted by: WinstonSmith
Originally posted by: Ultra Quiet
Since this is a wit and wisdom thread here is a blatant attempt to hijack it:


A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude
and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can
you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I
don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air
balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above
sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100
degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically
correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I'm
still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're
going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect ME
to solve your problem. You're in EXACTLY the same position you were
before we met, but somehow now, it's MY fault.
Click to expand...



Not bad, but you have to work Libertarians in there too 🙂
Click to expand...

The libertarian ignored her because it's every man for himself.

 
For the liberatarian,

"The owl looked down with great round eyes
At the low clouds and the dark skies,
"A good night for scouting," says he,
"With never a sound I'll go prowling around.
A mouse or two may be found on the ground
Or a fat little bird in a tree."
So down he flew from the old church tower,
The mouse and the birdie crouch and cower,
Back he flies in half an hour,
"A very good supper," says he."

but, the originator of this thread stole the book from Spiro T. Agnew...

 
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