- Jul 1, 2001
- 25,134
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I've decided that the Obama should stop wasting billions of dollars propping up failing banks and auto makers, and try an innovative approach to economic stimulus... give a billion dollars to me!
Sure... you're thinking that I'm just asking for a government handout just to make myself rich... and you're probably right. That said, I'm planning on using my Billion dollars to generate some REAL economic stimulus! Here's my plan...
1) Once I get my billion dollars, I plan on buying one of EVERY car that GM, Ford, and Chrysler produces, drive them around the country, give them to underprivileged families who need new transportation. Not only will I giving the auto dealerships revenue, but I'll be helping to keep the auto workers busy and giving the big three TONS of free press. You know that all of the news stations are going to be following me around, just to film me buying cool cars and giving them to needy families. Just wait until they see me give that unemployed Dodge auto worker a free Viper... that will bring in the ratings!
2) I'm also going to buy 100 homes in the most economically distressed areas, renovate them, and give them to people who recently lost their homes due to foreclosure. I think that I'll make an essay contest out of this, just to weed out the morons and try to make this giveaway fair. Maybe we can make an "Extreme UltimateBob Home Giveaway" reality show out of this for maximum exposure, and get the sponsors to chip in!
3) I'm also going to take a massive nationwide tour, and rent a dozen hotel rooms in each city for me and my entourage! People will flock to see me (hoping to get a free car or a house, of course), helping to stimulate tourism throughout the country! And who knows... with all the goodwill I'll be generating, maybe other people with more money than common sense (Paul Allen comes to mind) will join in my philanthropic escapade!
Besides, I'm only asking for ONE billion dollars. That's a drop in the bucket compared to their other bailout initiatives! I guess they could loan it to AIG in order to keep them in business for another 2 days. Which do you think will work better?
Sure... you're thinking that I'm just asking for a government handout just to make myself rich... and you're probably right. That said, I'm planning on using my Billion dollars to generate some REAL economic stimulus! Here's my plan...
1) Once I get my billion dollars, I plan on buying one of EVERY car that GM, Ford, and Chrysler produces, drive them around the country, give them to underprivileged families who need new transportation. Not only will I giving the auto dealerships revenue, but I'll be helping to keep the auto workers busy and giving the big three TONS of free press. You know that all of the news stations are going to be following me around, just to film me buying cool cars and giving them to needy families. Just wait until they see me give that unemployed Dodge auto worker a free Viper... that will bring in the ratings!
2) I'm also going to buy 100 homes in the most economically distressed areas, renovate them, and give them to people who recently lost their homes due to foreclosure. I think that I'll make an essay contest out of this, just to weed out the morons and try to make this giveaway fair. Maybe we can make an "Extreme UltimateBob Home Giveaway" reality show out of this for maximum exposure, and get the sponsors to chip in!
3) I'm also going to take a massive nationwide tour, and rent a dozen hotel rooms in each city for me and my entourage! People will flock to see me (hoping to get a free car or a house, of course), helping to stimulate tourism throughout the country! And who knows... with all the goodwill I'll be generating, maybe other people with more money than common sense (Paul Allen comes to mind) will join in my philanthropic escapade!
Besides, I'm only asking for ONE billion dollars. That's a drop in the bucket compared to their other bailout initiatives! I guess they could loan it to AIG in order to keep them in business for another 2 days. Which do you think will work better?
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