The Ugly Violence of Golf

[Perknose]

People weigh in endlessly on the inherent violence in football. Unrecorded fights break out in hopscotch all the time. And who can properly console the heartbroken kid whose kite is lost in a tree? The horror! The carnage!

But, golf? Folks think of it as the genteel repository of ugly pants and hushed audiences. Parents with young children use televised matches and the dulcet whispers of the on-air commentators to lull their tots to sleep.

But underneath the placid surface of this bastion of (mostly) white guys in white shoes bashing little white balls (insert your joke here) with a variety of iron striking implements deferentially proferred to them by a hired subaltern, known in the trade as a caddy, there lies a roiling cauldron is bitterly disappointed wives who take matters into their own hands with extreme prejudice, to wit:

Lucas Glover's wife faces domestic violence charge after golfer's poor round

In the immortal words of Rodney King, "Can't we all just get along?"

 

[dank69]

A 78 isn't going to bring home the dark-chocolate-covered bacon dusted with 23-carat gold that she is accustomed to.

 

[GagHalfrunt]

I told you to PLAY BETTER YOU ASSHOLE!!!! I coulda boinked Tiger, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

 

[highland145]

Obligatory

 

[slayer202]

BABABOOEY

 

[Perknose]

Obligatory

^^^ When Angry Birds gets REAL!

 

[mikeymikec]

Obligatory

Apparently that bird knows... wrestling moves?

 

[highland145]

Apparently that bird knows... wrestling moves?

The flying shit tackle works every time.


Back to the story...

Lucas told deputies how “when he plays a bad round of golf, Krista proceeds to start an altercation with him and telling him how he is a loser and a p---y, how he needs to fire everyone, and how he’d better win or her and the kids would leave him and he would never see the kids again,” the police report rea

According to the report, Glover’s wife fought against being put into the back seat of a patrol car and damaged the door by repeatedly kicking it.

“Wait till the tour (PGA) hears about this,” she yelled, according to the report cited in The Mail. “You will lose your job. This is why cops get shot in the face. Wait till I talk with the judge, you will be f---ing fired over this.”

cray, cray...

 

[Paratus]

The flying shit tackle works every time.

Right hook works well too

 

[highland145]

Right hook works well too

Just what the wife needs...

 

[dank69]

The flying shit tackle works every time.


Back to the story...



cray, cray...

That seems like a healthy relationship.

 

[GagHalfrunt]

The funny thing is that Glover doesn't really suck. While not a frequent winner or marquee player he's making a pretty good living out there. He had some down years where he almost lost his card, but for the most part he's one of those middle of the pack guys that makes a lot of cuts, cashes a lot of 15th-65th place checks and stays well inside the top 125. Last year he was 55th on the money list with $1.9 million in on course earnings and he probably supplements that with somewhere in the area of $500,000 for endorsements and appearance fees. Total career earnings are over $20 million on course, at least $5-10 million more off, so call it $25-$30 million. His batshit wife is not in any danger of living out of a refrigerator box.

This year he's doing a little worse, but he's 95th on the money list with over $750k already.

 

[momeNt]

If he's put up with it for this long, chances are he's on board with it, it probably was the mother who was unaccustomed to Glover. This may sort of be her and his ritual after a bad round.

 

[Perknose]

[QUOTE="momeNt, post: 39426256, member: 287684"This may sort of be her and his ritual after a bad round.[/QUOTE]Par for the course. He can't easily fight back, as he's using both hands to protect his putter.

However, when he wins, she kisses his balls.

 

[dasherHampton]

This is what happens when you get tired of having sex with a woman and stop tickling that clam.

The psycho switch flips on. Better to grit your teeth and pretend to like it once a week.

 

[zinfamous]

Finally, a valid use for a Canada goose and a golfer.

 

[Fern]

Sounds like the wife has serious problems. Feel sorry for the kids and him.

Fern

 

[kage69]

I feel like I may have just seen this lady in the Hume thread. I thought how she dealt with Tim Horton's was pretty shitty too.