The toy sensation that's sweeping the nation.

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shiner

shiner

Lifer
Jul 18, 2000
17,112
1
0
It's Happy!
It's Fun!
It's Happy Fun Ball!

Yes, it's Happy Fun Ball,
the toy sensation
that's sweeping the nation.
Only 14.95 at participating stores!

Get one Today

Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children should avoid
prolonged exposure to Happy Fun Ball.

Caution: Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.

Happy Fun Ball contains a liquid core, which if exposed due to rupture
should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.

Do not use Happy Fun Ball on concrete.

Discontinue use of Happy Fun Ball if any of the following occurs:

* Itching

* Vertigo

* Dizziness

* Tingling in extremities

* Loss of balance or coordination

* Slurred speech

* Temporary blindness

* Profuse Sweating

or

* Heart palpitations

If Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter
and cover head.

Happy Fun Ball may stick to certain types of skin.

When not in use, Happy Fun Ball should be returned to its special container
and kept under refrigeration.

Failure to do so relieves the makers of Happy Fun Ball, Wacky Products
Incorporated, and its parent company, Global Chemical Unlimited, of
any and all liability.

Ingredients of Happy Fun Ball include an unknown glowing substance which
fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.

Happy Fun Ball has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is
also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.

Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

Happy Fun Ball comes with a lifetime guarantee.

Happy Fun Ball! Accept no substitutes!
 
shiner

shiner

Lifer
Jul 18, 2000
17,112
1
0
Originally posted by: dnetmhz
classic SNL
Click to expand...
No, this

Yes fish eaters the days of troublesome scaling, cutting, and gutting are over! Because Super Bass O Matic 2000 is the tool that let?s you use the whole Bass with no fish waste, scaling , cutting or gutting!

Here?s how it works:

Catch a Bass

Remove the hook

Drop the Bass... that?s the whole Bass into the Super Bass-O-Matic 2000.

(put Bass into Blender and Turn on)

Now Adjust the control dial?

So that Bass is blended just the way you like it.

(Take bass pour it into glass and give to girl, girl drinks)


Girl ?wow! That?s terrific Bass!


is classic SNL



 
D

DurocShark

Lifer
Apr 18, 2001
15,708
5
56
"With a name like 10,000 dead babies, it's GOT to be good!"

or

"It's a floor wax AND a dessert topping!"

:p
 
XZeroII

XZeroII

Lifer
Jun 30, 2001
12,572
0
0
A better toy...

Log rolls down stairs, over in pairs, and over your neighbor's dog. It's great for a snack, fits on you back, it's LOG LOG LOG!

It's LOG, LOOOOG, it's big, it's heavy, it's wood. It's LOG, LOOOG it's better than bad, it's GOOD!

 
shiner

shiner

Lifer
Jul 18, 2000
17,112
1
0
--doorbell rings
Gilda: Who is it?
at door: Mrs. Robolohahe? (mumbled)
Gilda: Who is it?
at door: Plumber.
Gilda: Plumber? I didn't ask for a plumber. Who is it?
at door: Telegram.
Gilda: Oh, telegram. Just a moment.
--Gilda opens the door and is eaten by the Landshark


--knock at the door
Lorraine: Yes?
at door: Mrs. Jarlsburg? (mumbled)
Lorraine: Who?
at door: Mrs. Boroughyu? (mumbled)
Lorraine: Who is it?
at door: Flowers.
Lorraine: Flowers for whom?
at door: Plumber, maam.
Lorraine: I don't need a plumber.
You're that clever shark, aren't you?
at door: Candygram.
Lorraine: Candygram my foot.
You get out of here before I call the police.
You're the shark and you know it.
at door: Uh, uh, I'm only a dolphin, maam.
Lorraine: A dolphin, Well, ok.
--Lorraine opens the door and is eaten by the Landshark


 
Amused

Amused

Elite Member
Apr 14, 2001
57,087
18,583
146
The funniest toy skit was the one where Dan Ackroyd is a toy exec being interviewed about his dangerous toys. One was "Bag'o'Broken Glass." :D
 
shiner

shiner

Lifer
Jul 18, 2000
17,112
1
0
I can't believe this hasn't been posted yet.

Announcer: After a series of staggering defeats, Blue Oyster Cult assembled in the recording studio in late 1976 for a session with famed producer Bruce Dickinson. And, luckily for us, the cameras were rolling.

Bruce Dickinson: Alright, guys, I think we're ready to lay this first track down. By the way, my name is Bruce Dickinson. Yes, the Bruce Dickinson. And I gotta tell you: fellas.. you have got what appears to be a dynamite sound!

Eric Bloom: Coming from you, Bruce, that means a lot.

Buck Dharma: Yeah. I mean, you're Bruce Dickinson!

Alan: It's incredible!

Bobby: I can't believe Bruce Dickinson digs our sound!

Bruce Dickinson: Easy, guys.. I put my pants on just like the rest of you - one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I make gold records. [ the group laughs ] Alright, here we go. "Don't Fear the Reaper" - take one. [ exits into the control booth ]

[ the group begins the song. Bobby slaps the drums, Eric jams his guitar, and Gene bangs on a cowbell. ]

Eric: [ distracted by Gene banging the cowbell ] Okay! Wait! Wait! [ the group cuts off their instruments ] Bruce, could you come in here for a minute, please?

Bruce Dickinson: [ stepping out of the booth ] That was gonna be a great track. Guys, what's the deal?

Eric: Are you sure that was sounding okay?

Bruce Dickinson: I'll be honest.. fellas, it was sounding great. But.. I could've used a little more cowbell. So.. let's take it again.. and, Gene.

Gene Frenkle: Yeah?

Bruce Dickinson: Really explore the studio space this time. I mean, really.. explore the space. I like what I'm hearing.

[ the group starts the song again, as Gene bangs more wildly onto the cowbell ]

Eric: Okay, wait! Stop! I'm sorry. Bruce, could you come back in here, please?

Bruce Dickinson: [ stepping out of the booth ] Fellas.. now, we just wasted two good tracks! That last one was even better than the first!

Eric: Well, it's just that I find Gene's cowbell playing distracting! If I'm the only one, I'll shut up.

Buck Dharma: It was pretty rough..

Gene Frenkle: You know, I could pull back a little. If you'd like.

Bruce Dickinson: Not too much, though! Fellas, I'm telling you - you're gonna want that cowbell on the track!

Gene Frenkle: You know what? It's fine. Let's just do this thing.

[ the band starts the song once more, with Gene banging the cowbell right next to Eric's ear ]

Eric: [ stopping the song again, fighting Gene ] Come on, people!

Bruce Dickinson: [ running out of the booth again ] That.. that doesn't work for me. I gotta have more cowbell!

Alan: Don't blow this for us, Gene!

Bobby: Quit being so selfish, Gene!

Gene Frenkle: Can I just say one thing? I'm standing here, staring at Bruce Dickinson! And if Bruce Dickinson wants more cowbell, we should probably give him more cowbell! And, Bobby, you are right - I am being selfish. But the last time I checked, we don't have a lot of songs that feature the cowbell.

Bruce Dickinson: I gotta have more cowbell, baby!

Gene Frenkle: I'll be doing myself a disservice, and everybody in this band, if I don't perform the hell out of this.

Bruce Dickinson: Guess what? I got a fever! And the only prescription.. is more cowbell!

Gene Frenkle: Thanks, Bruce. But I think, maybe if I just leave.. and, maybe I'll come back later, and we can lay down the cowbell. [ starts to leave the studio ]

Bruce Dickinson: Aw, baby..

Eric: Gene, wait! Why don't you lay down that cowbell right now. With us. Together.

[ everyone agrees ]

Gene Frenkle: Do you mean that, Eric?

Buck Dharma: He speaks for all of us.

Gene Frenkle: Thank you.

Bruce Dickinson: Babies.. before we're done here.. y'all are gonna be wearing gold-plated diapers.

Alan: What does that mean?

Bruce Dickinson: Never question, Bruce Dickinson! Roll it! [ exits back to booth ]

Eric: [ ready to lay the complete track down ] 1, 2, 3, 4.
 
Demon-Xanth

Demon-Xanth

Lifer
Feb 15, 2000
20,551
2
81
"So you lika the juice 'eh? The juice is good 'eh? I get you some juice"

And anything by the guys playing Sean Connery in Celebrity jeapordy is golden :)
 
C

conjur

No Lifer
Jun 7, 2001
58,686
3
0
Originally posted by: XZeroII
A better toy...

Log rolls down stairs, over in pairs, and over your neighbor's dog. It's great for a snack, fits on you back, it's LOG LOG LOG!

It's LOG, LOOOOG, it's big, it's heavy, it's wood. It's LOG, LOOOG it's better than bad, it's GOOD!
Click to expand...

alone or in pairs.

And that's from Ren and Stimpy anyway. :p

Landshark was one of the best skits on SNL, ever!

The Czech brothers
Todd and the Nuggie Patrol
Emily Lutella
Killer Bees


:D
 
shiner

shiner

Lifer
Jul 18, 2000
17,112
1
0
Originally posted by: Demon-Xanth
"So you lika the juice 'eh? The juice is good 'eh? I get you some juice"

And anything by the guys playing Sean Connery in Celebrity jeapordy is golden :)
Click to expand...

Alex Trebek: And welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy. Because of what just happened before during the commercial, I'd like to apologize to all blind people and children. That said, let's take a look at the scores. Robin Williams has set a Jeopardy record by buzzing in 2,000 times and never answering a question.

Robin Williams: Yes, Thank you, yes, Jeopardy, yes. [ Walks over to Trebek ] I heal you, my boy you are healed. We have found Tom Selic's mustache, yes. It's time to go over here and look at the scoreboard. What do we have here, oh Vana White. Can we turn the letters? She's making a vowel movement. Yes. Oh, hi, I'm Robert Downy Jr. Robert Downy Jr. wants a recount, yes, and here's a kid at home going [ whining ]

Alex Trebek: Thank you, thank you. Moving on. Catherine Zeta Jones has no score at all because she's mostly been talking about her recent marriage.

Catherine Zeta-Jones: Alex, I'd like to say hello to my new baby and wonderful husband. Michael, darling, if you're watching, the diapers in the bedroom closet and the baby's diapers are under the sink. I love you darling.

Alex Trebek: That's beautiful. And finally, Sean Connery's also here let's move on to Double Jeopardy where the categories -

Sean Connery: Not so fast Trebek.

Alex Trebek: I really thought that was going to work.

Sean Connery: Well, you were wrong, you mountebank. I pose a conundrum to ya, I riddle if you will

Alex Trebek: I don't want to hear it.

Sean Connery: What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck and I can't remember how it ends, but your mother's a whore. [ Laughs ]

Alex Trebek: Wonderful. Let's take a look at the categories. They are: Potent Potables, Point to your own head, Letters or Numbers, Will this hurt if you put it in your mouth, An album cover, Make any noise, and finally, Famous Muppet Frogs. I should add that the answer to every question in that category is Kermit.

Robin Williams: Thank you, yes, Kermit. Yes it's like Kermit and John Wayne goin, "It's not easy being green, pilgrim." It's like Schwarzenegger,"Ya, I'm Kermit the frog, ya that's me, Schwarzenegger Kermit."

Sean Connery: Boy, you might be legally retarded.

Alex Trebek: He has a point. All right, Catherine Zeta Jones we'll start with you.

Catherine Zeta-Jones: I'll take Giraffes for a billion.

Alex Trebek: Let's just go with Letters or Numbers for 200. And the answer is "five." Is five a letter or a number? The number five, is it a number? [ ring ] Mr. Williams.

Robin Williams: Oh, it's a beautiful thing yes, right now there's a guy at home goin [ motions a remote control w/ his hand ] what the hell's goin on there, why don't you change -

Alex Trebek: Thank you. Thank you. [ ring ] Mr. Williams, you already rang in. Robin Williams: Yes, it's a beautiful thing, though. Monica Lewinsky's at home goin' [ screams ]

Alex Trebek: Thank you, thank you, anyone else. [ ring ] Mr. Williams, I hate you.

Robin Williams: But I love you! It's like Jesse Helms and Michael Jackson going, "Yo quiero Taco Bell!"

Alex Trebek: You are a very sick man. Anyone besides Mr. Williams? [ beep ] Five is of course, a number. Catherine Zeta Jones, sadly, it's still your board.

Catherine Zeta-Jones: I'll take TV shows that did stories about my wedding for 300.

Alex Trebek: For the last time, that is not a category. Sean Connery, why don't you pick?

Sean Connery: Well, the game is afoot. I'll take anal bum cover for 7,000.

Alex Trebek: That's An album cover, not anal bum cover.

Sean Connery: I can read, Trebek. That says Anal bum cover. I've spent five years of my life trying to invent an anal bum cover, failing to do so is my greatest regret.

Alex Trebek: You have lead a horrifying life. The category is An album cover and the answer is: The Beatles White album is this color. [ ring ] Catherine Zeta Jones.

Catherine Zeta-Jones: Who are the Beatles?

Alex Trebek: I'm sorry, that's wrong.

Catherine Zeta-Jones: No, I'm asking you, who are the Beatles, I've never heard of them. [ ring ]

Robin Williams: Oh, the Beatles, oh yes, what if they were the Volkswagon Beatles? Then they'd be in the back going, "I wanna hold your farfigneugent"

Alex Trebek: For the love of God, shut your mouth. I'll tell you what, let's just go to final Jeopardy. And the category is, you know what? You guys just decide. You each ask your own question and answer it. There's no way you can get this wrong, because you're asking the question. Ask yourself anything at all and then answer it. You'd have to be the dumbest people in the world to mess this up; and now let's see how you managed to mess it up. Robin Williams wrote: Nothing. Because he stuck his pen through his own hand.

Robin Williams: Yes, you know what it's like, suddenly it's like a Shakespearean actor who's gay going, "Tell us for york I" [ Trebek grabs pen and sticks it deeper into Williams' hand ]

Alex Trebek: Don't ever come here again. Catherine Zeta Jones, asked herself this question: What sound does a doggy make? Fine. And you answered: [ Blank ] You didn't know the answer? You couldn't answer your own question?

Catherine Zeta-Jones: It was hard.

Alex Trebek: Unbelievable. And finally, Sean Connery asked himself: [ Show half a picture of a horse having sex w/ Trebek ] Ok, I, I think I know where this is going. Let me just see here, [ Looks over podium ] Yeah, yeah, that's a horse having sex with me. Ok. That's beautiful.

Sean Connery: Come on, you pansy, let the people see my work.

Alex Trebek: No, we're not going to do that. Ok, I quit, again. Good night.


 
D

DnetMHZ

Diamond Member
Apr 10, 2001
9,826
1
81
Originally posted by: Demon-Xanth
"So you lika the juice 'eh? The juice is good 'eh? I get you some juice"

And anything by the guys playing Sean Connery in Celebrity jeapordy is golden :)
Click to expand...

Suck it Trebek...suck it long...and suck it hard!

:D
 
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