The top 3 Darwins for 2007

[Wheezer]

#3

27 July 2007, Guadalajara, Mexico) 24-year-old Jessica was working out in the Provincia Hotel's gym when she realised she needed something from the floor below. Instead of picking up the phone, using the intercom, or just walking downstairs, she decided that the open shaft of the industrial lift was the communications device for her.

So Jessica stuck her head into the empty shaft to shout to the people downstairs. And somehow, she missed noticing that the elevator was coming up towards her. If the elevator had been going down, one could say that she was in no position to observe the approaching lift. But, leaving aside the stupidity of sticking your head into an elevator shaft, if she was looking down, how could she miss the mass of metal inexorably headed her way?

Since an elevator cage and a skull are both solid objects, one had to give. Let's just say, the elevator won. Jessica will be missed by her family, but not by the gene pool.

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#2

(21 May 2004, Texas) Michael was an alcoholic. And not an ordinary alcoholic, but an alcoholic who liked to take his liquor... well, rectally. His wife said he was "addicted to enemas" and often used alcohol in this manner. The result was the same: inebriation.

The machine shop owner couldn't imbibe alcohol by mouth due to a painful throat ailment, so he elected to receive his favourite beverage via enema. And tonight, Michael was in for one hell of a party. Two 1.5 litre bottles of sherry, more than 100 fluid ounces, right up the old address!

When the rest of us have had enough, we either stop drinking or pass out. When Michael had had enough (and subsequently passed out) the alcohol remaining in his rectal cavity continued to be absorbed. The next morning, Michael was dead.

The 58-year-old did a pretty good job of embalming himself. According to toxicology reports, his blood alcohol level was 0.47%.

In order to qualify for a Darwin Award, a person must remove himself from the gene pool via an "astounding misapplication of judgment." Three litres of sherry up the butt can only be described as astounding. Unsurprisingly, his neighbors said they were surprised to learn of the incident.

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#1

(20 June 2007, South Carolina) A passing cabbie found a 21 year-old couple naked and injured in the road an hour before sunrise. The two people died at the nearest hospital without regaining consciousness. Authorities were at a loss to explain what had happened. There were no witnesses, no trace of clothing, and no wrecked cars or motorcycles.

Investigators eventually found a clue high on the roof of a nearby building: two sets of neatly folded clothes. Safe sex takes on a whole new meaning when you are perched on the edge of a pyramid-shaped metal roof. "It appears as if [they] accidentally fell off the roof," Sgt. Florence McCants said.

This is a true Darwin Award trifecta: TWO people die, WHILE in the act of procreation, due to an ASTONISHINGLY poor decision. Bottom line: If you put yourself in a precarious "position" at the edge of a pointy roof, you may well find yourself coming and going at the same time.

Ironically, one of the deceased was named "Tumbleston."

 

[mooglemania85]

Originally posted by: Wheezer
#2

(21 May 2004, Texas)

?

funny list though
:laugh:

 

[Whoozyerdaddy]

I think #1 gets reported every year.

I love the Darwin Awards as a concept but the actual stories tend to get recycled a bit too much.

 

[Finns14]

Two def is better then 1, 1 kinda sucked

 

[Omegachi]

theres got to be stories better than #3 right?

 

[clamum]

0.47% BAC... haha wow.

 

[Greenman]

I'd bet #1 is missing most of the story. A few of the Darwin awards have been proven to be nothing more than legends.

 

[RESmonkey]

3 was funniest.

 

[GagHalfrunt]

Originally posted by: Whoozyerdaddy
I think #1 gets reported every year.

I love the Darwin Awards as a concept but the actual stories tend to get recycled a bit too much.

These are not recycled. Yes, there are a million of fake Darwin lists. But these are real, they're confirmed true and they're from 2007.

 

[aplefka]

Originally posted by: RESmonkey
3 was funniest.

Are you serious? There's got to be something better than that to make the top three.

Second one was the best. How is an elevator cutting off your head better than alcohol enemas?

 

[RapidSnail]

Originally posted by: aplefka

Originally posted by: RESmonkey
3 was funniest.

Are you serious? There's got to be something better than that to make the top three.

Second one was the best. How is an elevator cutting off your head better than alcohol enemas?

"An opinion is a person's ideas and thoughts towards something. It is an assessment, judgment or evaluation of something. An opinion is not a fact, because opinions are either not falsifiable, or the opinion has not been proven or verified. If it later becomes proven or verified, it is no longer an opinion, but a fact. Accordingly, all information on the web, from a surfer's perspective, is better described as opinion rather than fact."

 

[CraKaJaX]

Where did you get these from?

 

[ProfJohn]

How about the lady, and this is 100% true since it made the news wire, who some how got a professional strength fireworks motor and lit it and when nothing happened leaned over to look into the tube. Sad to say it went off at that moment.

Head blown off in front of her kids and family, sad but true and certainly worthy of a mention at least.

 

[zinfamous]

Originally posted by: RapidSnail

Originally posted by: aplefka

Originally posted by: RESmonkey
3 was funniest.

Are you serious? There's got to be something better than that to make the top three.

Second one was the best. How is an elevator cutting off your head better than alcohol enemas?

"An opinion is a person's ideas and thoughts towards something. It is an assessment, judgment or evaluation of something. An opinion is not a fact, because opinions are either not falsifiable, or the opinion has not been proven or verified. If it later becomes proven or verified, it is no longer an opinion, but a fact. Accordingly, all information on the web, from a surfer's perspective, is better described as opinion rather than fact."

yes, and the fact remains that an alcohol enema is both more retarded, and funnier than a decapitation vs elevator.

 

[zinfamous]

Originally posted by: ProfJohn
How about the lady, and this is 100% true since it made the news wire, who some how got a professional strength fireworks motor and lit it and when nothing happened leaned over to look into the tube. Sad to say it went off at that moment.

Head blown off in front of her kids and family, sad but true and certainly worthy of a mention at least.

launcher?

...are there such wonderful things in this world as fireworks motors? man...

 

[RapidSnail]

Originally posted by: zinfamous

Originally posted by: RapidSnail

Originally posted by: aplefka

Originally posted by: RESmonkey
3 was funniest.

Are you serious? There's got to be something better than that to make the top three.

Second one was the best. How is an elevator cutting off your head better than alcohol enemas?

"An opinion is a person's ideas and thoughts towards something. It is an assessment, judgment or evaluation of something. An opinion is not a fact, because opinions are either not falsifiable, or the opinion has not been proven or verified. If it later becomes proven or verified, it is no longer an opinion, but a fact. Accordingly, all information on the web, from a surfer's perspective, is better described as opinion rather than fact."

yes, and the fact remains that an alcohol enema is both more retarded, and funnier than a decapitation vs elevator.

Hardly scientific.......:laugh:

:heart: