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The Thermodynamics of Hell (A stolen Brutuskend STORY / JOKE)

B

Brutuskend

Lifer
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is of course why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time, so we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and
the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are
leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state
that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all
souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure
in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This yields two possibilities:

1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will continue
to increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2) If the volume of Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of the volume of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Bayman during my Freshman year, that "... it will be a cold day in
Hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having an affair with her, then #2 above
cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze over."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY A.
 
man, I wonder how far up the rankings this is on "most repeated stories EVAR"

It's funny, the first time around, for nerds. 😛
 
His answer is WRONG!

Is Heaven hotter than Hell?

The temperatures of Heaven and of Hell are not given specifically in the Bible. That may be because the various temperature scales (Fahrenheit, Celsius, Rankin and Kelvin) were not created by the 1st century CE. However, there is sufficient data available to calculate the temperature of Heaven. The maximum temperature of Hell can also be determined.

Heaven's temperature: Isaiah 30:26 states: "Moreover, the light of the Moon shall be as the light of the Sun and the light of the Sun shall be sevenfold, as the light of seven days." One individual interpreted this passage as meaning that the radiation received by Heaven from the sun is 7 times 7 or 49 times as much as the earth does today. 1 Added to that is the contribution of the moon which would equal the present amount that the earth receives from the sun. Thus Heaven would receive (49 + 1) or 50 times the radiation as the earth does today. The Stefan-Boltzmann law for radiation links the temperature of an object with the amount of radiation received. It would predict that the temperature of heaven would be 498 degrees Celsius hotter than the earth is currently. Thus heaven would be about 525 °C or 977 °F.

However, this temperature would only be the "steady-state" temperature. Presumably Heaven was created shortly after Earth so that it would be ready for its first inhabitants: Abel, Adam and Eve. Revelation 21:17 says that the walls of New Jerusalem are 144 cubits thick. This is about 66 meters or 216 feet. Such a thick wall would be an effective insulator. Heaven would thus have taken many months to reach its equilibrium temperature. But it presumably has reached about 525 °C today.

Hell's Temperature: Revelation 21:8 states "But the fearful, and unbelieving ... shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone." Brimstone is sulphur. In order for sulphur to be molten, its temperature must be at or below 444.6 °C or 832 °F.

Thus heaven is at least 80 °C or 145 °F hotter than Hell. Assuming that the glorified bodies that the inhabitants have in Heaven are as sensitive to heat as our present earthly bodies, then they would suffer greatly; Heaven would become worse than Hell. Since that cannot happen, due to theological considerations, Heaven must have some very effective methods of air conditioning to handle the excess incoming radiation.
Click to expand...
 
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