The Ten Commandments of Microsoft Access

[EMPshockwave82]

Edit: must only be funny because this sounds EXACTLY like my oracle teacher i had talking about databases... sorry for the confusion

So I'm researching microsoft accesss databases and how to change fields and values using vb scripting, among other things, and I find this. I hope you enjoy

1. Thou shalt design normalized tables and understand thy fields and relationships before thou dost begin.

2. Thou shalt never allow thy users to see or edit tables directly, but only through forms and thou shalt abhor the use of "Lookup Fields" which art the creation of the Evil One.

3. Thou shalt choose a naming convention and abide by its wisdom and never allow spaces in thy names.

4. Thou shalt write comments in your procedures and explain each variable.

5. Thou shalt understand error handling and use it faithfully in all thy procedures.

6. Thou shalt split thy databases.

7. Thou shalt not use Autonumber if the field is meant to have meaning for thy users.

8. Thou shalt not copy and paste other people's code without at least attempting to understand what it does.

9. Thou shalt not use "SendKeys", "Smart Codes" or "GoTo" (unless the GoTo be part of an OnError process) for these will lead you from the path of righteousness.

10. Thou shalt back-up thy database faithfully, working not on thy Production Database, but on the Prototype Copy, as it is right and good to do.



Link to 10 commandments

 

[fs5]

11. Thou shalt use MySQL over Access.




PS. would be a good post if were posted in the PROGRAMMING FORUM. ahem mods.. 😎

 

[EMPshockwave82]

Originally posted by: fs5
11. Thou shalt use MySQL over Access.

it's an assignment... i have no choice


i've used oracle before but my class requires us to use access for this assignment

 

[MrChad]

Eh, I know databases and that list isn't that funny.

 

[Jack Ryan]

anything over access

 

[nakedfrog]

Originally posted by: MrChad
Eh, I know databases and that list isn't that funny.

Is it actually supposed to be funny?

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

I am using access right now and it sucks! I spent an hour trying to figure out why i couldn't use 2 values and an OR function to limit a query. I suspect that spaces in the field values was creatign problems. I finally just used the ID numbers and was able to do it.

<---DB noob, but learning.

 

[Ameesh]

Originally posted by: MrChad
Eh, I know databases and that list isn't that funny.

 

[Hyperblaze]

Thou shall not use Access to begin with?

I've used Access in the past to work with a asp project, and damn was I ever happy when it was done

My experience with that database was not exactly positive.

MySQL on the other hand is a dream to use.

 

[KEV1N]

Haha, if you know anything about databases you would know not to use Access for anything 🙂

 

[dquan97]

Anyone used Filemaker before? Using it right now and been liking it so far.

 

[Tanner]

hi, i don't even know what databases doo...but since everyone says that Access is st00pid and ghey, I guess I should to eh?

 

[XZeroII]

4. Thou shalt write comments in your procedures and explain each variable.

A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code.
Indentation is for Enemy skulls, not code.

 

[cchen]

nice, not funny at all

 

[XZeroII]

11. Thou shall use x to loop. If thou is nesting loops, thou shall use x for the outer loop and y for the inner loop. Should thou decide to nest inside of a nested loop, thou shall use the variable z.

 

[her209]

SELECT * where Commandment = "funnay"

 

[GeekDrew]

Ok folks, it's meant to be funny to those of you who both know databases AND have to work with, or at least have knowledge of, the clueless idiots using Access out there.

 

[DJFuji]

Originally posted by: her209
SELECT * From 10Commandments where Commandment = 'funnay'

0 records returned

Fixed.

I've dealt with Access and those "clueless idiots" and it's still not very funny.