- Oct 20, 1999
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the ass stare
Aaahhh, summer in NY. The weather's getting warmer, the streets are getting crowded, and most importantly, the girls are dressing a little sluttier. And I don't mean that negatively, like "girls dress like sluts." No. I mean it like, "Ladies, I understand it's getting a bit warmer out, so what choice do you have but to wear low cut, mini shorts with a tight, white V-neck tank top that cuts off above the belly button and reveals your pink bra straps?" Your hands are tied, and I understand your pain. Know that I'm here for you.
But with the introduction of tighter, more revealing outfits, comes my favorite aspect of the summer: The Ass Stare. Now don't get me wrong, the Ass Stare is a 12 month-a-year, 365 day phenomenon that is not limited to the summer. However, it is much, much more prevalent when the weather gets nicer. There is nothing more amusing than walking behind a girl with a nice ass and watching all the guys she passes check out her behind. It's constantly amusing, mainly because there are several different variations of the Ass Stare.
The Subtle Ass Stare - Most commonly occurs when Female is walking alongside the male. The SAS is the hardest one to pick up, as it is only indicated by a quick dip in the eyes to the ass at large. Most prevalent amongst college aged Caucasian men.
The Turnaround Ass Stare - One of the most blatant Ass Stares. The Turnaround mainly occurs when the Female passes the male, inciting the male to swing his head around in the most obvious of manners to check things out. Sometimes the Turnaround extends to the entire body-- a much braver, albeit creepier move. Now, this is different than the Turnaround & Stop maneuver.
The Turnaround & Stop Ass Stare - To be reserved for only the finest of Asses. This move begins as a simple Turnaround, but depending on the magnitude of the ass, tends to result in the Male stopping dead in his tracks and observing the ass for a few moments. Most prevalent in men that say things like "Damn!" and make that weird clicking noise with their tongue at girls.
The Underage Ass Stare - The most dangerous of stares. Occurs when a male is checking out a female of a "questionable" age. The UAS is similar to the SAS, with one slight difference: after the eyes dip down, they immediately shoot back up to survey the scene to make sure they weren't spotted by nearby females or angry dads.
The Mistaken Ass Stare - Usually accompanied by the phrase, "That dude had really long hair... come on, he looked like a chick from behind."
The Angry Ass Stare - Occurs when a girl has an ass that is so disproportionate / so unbelievable that the men she passes by actually get upset when they see it. Signs of an AAS: furrowed brow; slight jaw drop; mumbling to oneself, "Aw, come on."
The Stalker Ass Stare - The creepiest of stares, indicated by a man obviously changing the route of his trip from one place to another in order to follow an ass, much like a greyhound follows an electronic rabbit. Officially goes too far once public transportation is involved.
I'm sure there are several more, and this summer, I will do my best to capture them all. Now please don't take this post the wrong way. I don't endorse guys harrassing women, and I hate hearing stories from female friends of mine about the sh!tty things that have been said to them on the streets of NY. It's disgusting. However, that being said, the Ass Stare is a part of life, and when done properly and respectfully, can be a beautiful thing.
Aaahhh, summer in NY. The weather's getting warmer, the streets are getting crowded, and most importantly, the girls are dressing a little sluttier. And I don't mean that negatively, like "girls dress like sluts." No. I mean it like, "Ladies, I understand it's getting a bit warmer out, so what choice do you have but to wear low cut, mini shorts with a tight, white V-neck tank top that cuts off above the belly button and reveals your pink bra straps?" Your hands are tied, and I understand your pain. Know that I'm here for you.
But with the introduction of tighter, more revealing outfits, comes my favorite aspect of the summer: The Ass Stare. Now don't get me wrong, the Ass Stare is a 12 month-a-year, 365 day phenomenon that is not limited to the summer. However, it is much, much more prevalent when the weather gets nicer. There is nothing more amusing than walking behind a girl with a nice ass and watching all the guys she passes check out her behind. It's constantly amusing, mainly because there are several different variations of the Ass Stare.
The Subtle Ass Stare - Most commonly occurs when Female is walking alongside the male. The SAS is the hardest one to pick up, as it is only indicated by a quick dip in the eyes to the ass at large. Most prevalent amongst college aged Caucasian men.
The Turnaround Ass Stare - One of the most blatant Ass Stares. The Turnaround mainly occurs when the Female passes the male, inciting the male to swing his head around in the most obvious of manners to check things out. Sometimes the Turnaround extends to the entire body-- a much braver, albeit creepier move. Now, this is different than the Turnaround & Stop maneuver.
The Turnaround & Stop Ass Stare - To be reserved for only the finest of Asses. This move begins as a simple Turnaround, but depending on the magnitude of the ass, tends to result in the Male stopping dead in his tracks and observing the ass for a few moments. Most prevalent in men that say things like "Damn!" and make that weird clicking noise with their tongue at girls.
The Underage Ass Stare - The most dangerous of stares. Occurs when a male is checking out a female of a "questionable" age. The UAS is similar to the SAS, with one slight difference: after the eyes dip down, they immediately shoot back up to survey the scene to make sure they weren't spotted by nearby females or angry dads.
The Mistaken Ass Stare - Usually accompanied by the phrase, "That dude had really long hair... come on, he looked like a chick from behind."
The Angry Ass Stare - Occurs when a girl has an ass that is so disproportionate / so unbelievable that the men she passes by actually get upset when they see it. Signs of an AAS: furrowed brow; slight jaw drop; mumbling to oneself, "Aw, come on."
The Stalker Ass Stare - The creepiest of stares, indicated by a man obviously changing the route of his trip from one place to another in order to follow an ass, much like a greyhound follows an electronic rabbit. Officially goes too far once public transportation is involved.
I'm sure there are several more, and this summer, I will do my best to capture them all. Now please don't take this post the wrong way. I don't endorse guys harrassing women, and I hate hearing stories from female friends of mine about the sh!tty things that have been said to them on the streets of NY. It's disgusting. However, that being said, the Ass Stare is a part of life, and when done properly and respectfully, can be a beautiful thing.
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