ripped from http://jubed.com/jokes/view/The-Perfect-Day
The Perfect Day
THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HER
08:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
08:30 Weigh in 2kg lighter than yesterday
08:45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants, open presents - expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner.
09:15 Soothing hot baths with frangipani bath oil.
10:00 Light work out at club with handsome funny personal trainer
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
13:00 Catch sight of husband/boyfriend's ex and notices she has gained 7kg.
15:00 Nap
16:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card id from secret admirer
16:15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body.
17:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full-length mirror.
19:30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers
22:00 hot shower (alone)
22:50 Carried to bed.(Freshly ironed, crisp, new white linen)
23:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
23:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms.
THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HIM
06:00 Alarm
06:15 Blowjob
06:30 Massive satisfying dump while reading the sports section
07:00 Breakfast, rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast all cooked by naked buxom wench.
07:30 Limo arrives
07:45 Several whiskys on-route to airport
09:15 Flight in personal Lear jet
09:30 Limo to Riverside Oaks Golf Club (blow job en-route)
09:45 Play front nine (2 under)
11:45 Lunch. Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and bottle of Dom Perignon.
12:15 Blowjob
12:30 Play back nine (4 under)
14:15 Limo back to airport (several whiskys)
14:30 Fly to Monte Carlo
15:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew (all nude)
16:30 Land world record Marlin (1,800 lbs on light tackle)
17:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by Elle McPherson.
18:45 Shit, shower and shave
19:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated, marijuana and porn legalised.
19:30 Dinner, lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953) big juicy steak followed by Ice cream served on a pair of tits.
21:00 Napoleon brandy and Cohuna cigar in front of wall size TV as you watch international match of the day. Ireland beating England 13-0.
21:30 Line of coke, sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies)
23:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snack and cleansing ale.
23:30 A nightcap blow job
23:45 In bed alone
23:50 A 12 second fart which changes pitch 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room.
The Perfect Day
THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HER
08:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
08:30 Weigh in 2kg lighter than yesterday
08:45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants, open presents - expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner.
09:15 Soothing hot baths with frangipani bath oil.
10:00 Light work out at club with handsome funny personal trainer
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
13:00 Catch sight of husband/boyfriend's ex and notices she has gained 7kg.
15:00 Nap
16:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card id from secret admirer
16:15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body.
17:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full-length mirror.
19:30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers
22:00 hot shower (alone)
22:50 Carried to bed.(Freshly ironed, crisp, new white linen)
23:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
23:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms.
THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HIM
06:00 Alarm
06:15 Blowjob
06:30 Massive satisfying dump while reading the sports section
07:00 Breakfast, rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast all cooked by naked buxom wench.
07:30 Limo arrives
07:45 Several whiskys on-route to airport
09:15 Flight in personal Lear jet
09:30 Limo to Riverside Oaks Golf Club (blow job en-route)
09:45 Play front nine (2 under)
11:45 Lunch. Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and bottle of Dom Perignon.
12:15 Blowjob
12:30 Play back nine (4 under)
14:15 Limo back to airport (several whiskys)
14:30 Fly to Monte Carlo
15:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew (all nude)
16:30 Land world record Marlin (1,800 lbs on light tackle)
17:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by Elle McPherson.
18:45 Shit, shower and shave
19:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated, marijuana and porn legalised.
19:30 Dinner, lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953) big juicy steak followed by Ice cream served on a pair of tits.
21:00 Napoleon brandy and Cohuna cigar in front of wall size TV as you watch international match of the day. Ireland beating England 13-0.
21:30 Line of coke, sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies)
23:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snack and cleansing ale.
23:30 A nightcap blow job
23:45 In bed alone
23:50 A 12 second fart which changes pitch 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room.
..sh.....dude...ah dude..NOT cool:frown:"
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