The Onion nails it again

[xanis]

http://www.theonion.com/articles/internet-users-demand-less-interactivity,30920/

SAN FRANCISCO—Tired of being bombarded with constant requests to share content on social media, bestow ratings, leave comments, and generally “join in on the discussion,” the nation’s Internet users demanded substantially less interactivity this week.

Speaking with reporters, web users expressed a near unanimous desire to visit a website and simply look at it, for once, without having every aspect of the user interface tailored to a set of demographic information culled from their previous browsing history. In addition, citizens overwhelmingly voiced their wish for a straightforward one-way conduit of information, and specifically one that did not require any kind of participation on their part.

“Every time I type a web address into my browser, I don’t need to be taken to a fully immersive, cross-platform, interactive viewing experience,” said San Diego office manager Keith Boscone. “I don’t want to take a moment to provide my feedback, open a free account, become part of a growing online community, or see what related links are available at various content partners.”

“All I want is to go to a website, enjoy it for the time I’ve decided to spend there, and then move on with my life,” he continued. “Is that so much to ask?”

As part of their demands, Internet users from around the country appealed for a drastic reduction in interactive lists, polls, and pop-up slideshows. Sources also called for an end to the badges that some websites award for “checking in” to physical locations, citing the fact that they ostensibly have no meaning, are dumb, and nobody cares about them.

“It’s weirdly self-centered and creepy to be broadcasting my whereabouts to the whole world, and then be rewarded for it with some worthless piece of clipart,” said Tampa, FL college student Theresa Gibson. “I don’t want to know where other people are, I don’t want them to know where I am, and I definitely don’t want it all to be tracked by a website that pits us against each other to see who can share our locations the most. Frankly, it doesn’t make any sense why that would ever appeal to anyone.”

Although some people reported that they were open to voicing their opinions every once in a while, a majority of users rallied against websites’ expectations that they participate in a discussion on nearly every piece of published content, regardless of its significance or subject matter.

Users said they yearned to return to a time when they could simply visit a site and experience its content without being asked “What do you think?”, “What’s on your mind?” or, more directly, “Respond to this video.”

“Nobody needs to get my immediate take on everything I see online,” said Atlanta printing consultant Deirdre Levinson, questioning the merits of any site that, without knowing her level of intelligence or expertise in a particular topic, would deem her worthy enough to engage in a discussion. “And they’re sorely mistaken if they believe I could actually add something of value to the conversation. At best I’m just going to parrot back some loose approximation of what I’ve heard before, which will just prove that I never should have weighed in in the first place.”

In addition to demanding less interactivity, Internet users requested fewer links and clickable icons connected to social media outlets through which they could email, share, tweet, pin, blog, or re-blog content. Many said that when they did come across something they found interesting or amusing, nine times out of 10 they just wanted to keep it to themselves.

“Don’t always ask me to send everything I’ve read to everyone I know. And by the same token, I don’t need to know if they’ve read the same thing. That information means nothing to either of us,” said Glendale, AZ shopkeeper Dan Allenby, who could not think of a single instance where it would be helpful to sign into another website through his Facebook account. “If I wanted to tell someone about something, I’ll just tell them individually. Or better yet, they’ll stumble across it on their own.”

“Really, other than clicking links, my browser’s scroll bar, and the back and forward buttons, I should not be providing any more user input,” he continued. “And let’s be realistic here—knowing my own individual views and mental aptitude, that’s probably best for everyone involved.”

 

[Fritzo]

Ha! This was so good I shared it on Facebook!

 

[SlitheryDee]

Yeah. I understand the desire for a company to want everyone who is tangentially connected to anyone who even accidentally happens by their site or stumbles into their store to know about their business, but to maneuver people into spreading that information voluntarily has always struck me as genius. The way we can be lead around like cattle and be made to enjoy it never fails to amaze.

 

[bigpimpatl]

brilliant, thanks for posting. :thumbsup:

 

[phucheneh]

As a complete asshole, I am deeply afraid that my ability to make upsetting, inappropriate, and callous remarks through a shield of anonymity is being greatly compromised.

The Onion is satire, but they do come very close to publishing actual opinion pieces sometimes. I mean, as satire, the desired intent of the above would be to point out the grand cohesive linking of the internet and how great an age we live in. But instead, they accidentally wrote totally true stuff, like:

“All I want is to go to a website, enjoy it for the time I’ve decided to spend there, and then move on with my life,” he continued. “Is that so much to ask?”

The fact that a lot of us would agree with so much of it actually makes it kind of a failure as an Onion article.

I would go tell them that on their website, but I probably need a Facebook account to make a comment. :hmm:

 

[SunnyD]

The fact that a lot of us would agree with so much of it actually makes it kind of a failure as an Onion article.

Indeed. For a satire, it ironically is too literal in today's world to be taken satirically.

 

[IronWing]

Oh the ironing...

 

[SparkyJJO]

The little facebook thing on the side of sites doesn't bug me much.

What has been irritating me is the stupid survey popup. "Tell us how we're doing!" Well I just got here dipswitch, I don't know yet and your annoying box in my face isn't helping you!

 

[Jeff7]

The little facebook thing on the side of sites doesn't bug me much.

What has been irritating me is the stupid survey popup. "Tell us how we're doing!" Well I just got here dipswitch, I don't know yet and your annoying box in my face isn't helping you!

Adblock can handle that Foresee survey popup:

Add */foresee-trigger.js to the blocking filters - conveniently on Foresee's wiki page..


I'm so very glad that's there.

"Please rate this site, because everyone loves constantly being asked questions that will allow advertisers to generate ever more invasively irritating ads!"


For gods sake, there was even an Animaniacs skit about surveys.
"Would ya like to take a survey?"

 

[destrekor]

As a complete asshole, I am deeply afraid that my ability to make upsetting, inappropriate, and callous remarks through a shield of anonymity is being greatly compromised.

The Onion is satire, but they do come very close to publishing actual opinion pieces sometimes. I mean, as satire, the desired intent of the above would be to point out the grand cohesive linking of the internet and how great an age we live in. But instead, they accidentally wrote totally true stuff, like:



The fact that a lot of us would agree with so much of it actually makes it kind of a failure as an Onion article.

I would go tell them that on their website, but I probably need a Facebook account to make a comment. :hmm:

Yet at the same time, interactivity is growing, so even though many of us share the sentiments of the article, it works both as a comical opinion piece and as satire; those quotes they include can also be seen as hilariously pointing out the failures of many of those types who share and/or comment on different articles. How many ridiculously stupid people who know jack shit about the world comment like they know all the motivations of something in an article/video?

Most people should never share their opinions with even a single brave sole willing to hear them out; most people are not educated enough, nor care to become educated, to discuss complex world issues/events. Yet with the rise of the internet and the ease of sharing your opinion, often anonymously, a great number ultimately make a great fool of themselves.

I get half my kicks reading through articles and imagining myself pointing and laughing at commentators. You can usually determine who are the more intelligent trolls, versus those who legitimately believe the ignorant words they have typed.

Commentary on local news sites? I avoid them... laughing at a few people every now and then is great, but the comments on local news sites are painful and make me feel a) terrible as a human being, and b) annoyed and depressed that I'm surrounded in the local community by them. lol