The Most Prophetic Onion Article EVAR

Paratus

Lifer
Jun 4, 2004
17,693
15,945
146
January 2001 Onion Article

Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over'

January 17, 2001 | Issue 37?01


WASHINGTON, DC?Mere days from assuming the presidency and closing the door on eight years of Bill Clinton, president-elect George W. Bush assured the nation in a televised address Tuesday that "our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over."

Enlarge Image nation nightmare

President-elect Bush vows that "together, we can put the triumphs of the recent past behind us."

"My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."

Bush swore to do "everything in [his] power" to undo the damage wrought by Clinton's two terms in office, including selling off the national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of hospitals and onto the street.

During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.

"You better believe we're going to mix it up with somebody at some point during my administration," said Bush, who plans a 250 percent boost in military spending. "Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?"

On the economic side, Bush vowed to bring back economic stagnation by implementing substantial tax cuts, which would lead to a recession, which would necessitate a tax hike, which would lead to a drop in consumer spending, which would lead to layoffs, which would deepen the recession even further.

Wall Street responded strongly to the Bush speech, with the Dow Jones industrial fluctuating wildly before closing at an 18-month low. The NASDAQ composite index, rattled by a gloomy outlook for tech stocks in 2001, also fell sharply, losing 4.4 percent of its total value between 3 p.m. and the closing bell.

Asked for comment about the cooling technology sector, Bush said: "That's hardly my area of expertise."

Turning to the subject of the environment, Bush said he will do whatever it takes to undo the tremendous damage not done by the Clinton Administration to the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. He assured citizens that he will follow through on his campaign promise to open the 1.5 million acre refuge's coastal plain to oil drilling. As a sign of his commitment to bringing about a change in the environment, he pointed to his choice of Gale Norton for Secretary of the Interior. Norton, Bush noted, has "extensive experience" fighting environmental causes, working as a lobbyist for lead-paint manufacturers and as an attorney for loggers and miners, in addition to suing the EPA to overturn clean-air standards.

Bush had equally high praise for Attorney General nominee John Ashcroft, whom he praised as "a tireless champion in the battle to protect a woman's right to give birth."

"Soon, with John Ashcroft's help, we will move out of the Dark Ages and into a more enlightened time when a woman will be free to think long and hard before trying to fight her way past throngs of protesters blocking her entrance to an abortion clinic," Bush said. "We as a nation can look forward to lots and lots of babies."

nation nightmare jump

Soldiers at Ft. Bragg march lockstep in preparation for America's return to aggression.

Continued Bush: "John Ashcroft will be invaluable in healing the terrible wedge President Clinton drove between church and state."

The speech was met with overwhelming approval from Republican leaders.

"Finally, the horrific misrule of the Democrats has been brought to a close," House Majority Leader Dennis Hastert (R-IL) told reporters. "Under Bush, we can all look forward to military aggression, deregulation of dangerous, greedy industries, and the defunding of vital domestic social-service programs upon which millions depend. Mercifully, we can now say goodbye to the awful nightmare that was Clinton's America."

"For years, I tirelessly preached the message that Clinton must be stopped," conservative talk-radio host Rush Limbaugh said. "And yet, in 1996, the American public failed to heed my urgent warnings, re-electing Clinton despite the fact that the nation was prosperous and at peace under his regime. But now, thank God, that's all done with. Once again, we will enjoy mounting debt, jingoism, nuclear paranoia, mass deficit, and a massive military build-up."

An overwhelming 49.9 percent of Americans responded enthusiastically to the Bush speech.

"After eight years of relatively sane fiscal policy under the Democrats, we have reached a point where, just a few weeks ago, President Clinton said that the national debt could be paid off by as early as 2012," Rahway, NJ, machinist and father of three Bud Crandall said. "That's not the kind of world I want my children to grow up in."

"You have no idea what it's like to be black and enfranchised," said Marlon Hastings, one of thousands of Miami-Dade County residents whose votes were not counted in the 2000 presidential election. "George W. Bush understands the pain of enfranchisement, and ever since Election Day, he has fought tirelessly to make sure it never happens to my people again."

Bush concluded his speech on a note of healing and redemption.

"We as a people must stand united, banding together to tear this nation in two," Bush said. "Much work lies ahead of us: The gap between the rich and the poor may be wide, be there's much more widening left to do. We must squander our nation's hard-won budget surplus on tax breaks for the wealthiest 15 percent. And, on the foreign front, we must find an enemy and defeat it."

"The insanity is over," Bush said. "After a long, dark night of peace and stability, the sun is finally rising again over America. We look forward to a bright new dawn not seen since the glory days of my dad."

Now that is SCARY


Wrong Forum

Anandtech Senior Moderator
Red Dawn
 

TehMac

Diamond Member
Aug 18, 2006
9,976
3
71
How about 8 years of Clinton being leashed by a Republican congress restraining his spending policies and reforming the national handout system (more popularly referred to as Welfare)?
 

destrekor

Lifer
Nov 18, 2005
28,799
359
126
Originally posted by: TehMac
How about 8 years of Clinton being leashed by a Republican congress restraining his spending policies and reforming the national handout system (more popularly referred to as Welfare)?

Yeah, isn't it fun to watch how people rave and loathe certain presidents, but don't really know the truths about that particular president, but rather know what was done during the president's time. People seem to never learn exactly what this whole thing called Congress really is... they vote people into Congressional seats, yet that's about all they seem to know about it.
Congress has more power than the President, if they choose to use it. If they never agree, then yes the President can have some veto authority, but the President can never force Congress into anything. If Congress goes along with a President's ideas, well... dislike the President for his idea, but loathe Congress for agreeing.

Clinton's Presidency was coupled with a Republican majority in Congress.
Bush's Presidency was coupled with, iirc, a Democratic majority for a better part of his time.
 

tboo

Diamond Member
Jun 25, 2000
7,626
1
81
Originally posted by: George P Burdell
If I were a mod, I would ban every retard who makes a P&N thread in OT.

Best damn post ever! :thumbsup:
 

Paratus

Lifer
Jun 4, 2004
17,693
15,945
146
Hell I just posted it because it was funny IMHO. If I wanted an arguement I would have posted it in PN
 
Mar 10, 2005
14,647
2
0
Originally posted by: destrekor
Originally posted by: TehMac
How about 8 years of Clinton being leashed by a Republican congress restraining his spending policies and reforming the national handout system (more popularly referred to as Welfare)?

Yeah, isn't it fun to watch how people rave and loathe certain presidents, but don't really know the truths about that particular president, but rather know what was done during the president's time. People seem to never learn exactly what this whole thing called Congress really is... they vote people into Congressional seats, yet that's about all they seem to know about it.
Congress has more power than the President, if they choose to use it. If they never agree, then yes the President can have some veto authority, but the President can never force Congress into anything. If Congress goes along with a President's ideas, well... dislike the President for his idea, but loathe Congress for agreeing.

Clinton's Presidency was coupled with a Republican majority in Congress.
Bush's Presidency was coupled with, iirc, a Democratic majority for a better part of his time.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R...tion#Subsequent_events

In the 1996 and 1998 elections, Republicans lost Congressional seats but still retained control of the House and, more narrowly, the Senate. After the 2000 election, the Senate was divided evenly between the parties, with Republicans retaining the right to organize the Senate due to the election of Dick Cheney as Vice President and ex officio presiding officer of the Senate. The Senate shifted to control by the Democrats (though they technically were the pluraity party as they were one short of a majority) after GOP senator Jim Jeffords changed party registration to "Independent" in June 2001, but later returned to Republican control after the November 2002 elections. In the 2006 elections, Democrats won both the House of Representatives (233 Democrats, 202 Republicans) and the Senate (49 Democrats, 49 Republicans, and 2 Independents caucusing with the Democrats) as well as the majority of state governorships (28-22).

republicans 5, democrats 3

try again
 
Aug 25, 2004
11,151
1
81
Originally posted by: Paratus
Hell I just posted it because it was funny IMHO. If I wanted an arguement I would have posted it in PN

Joined: 06/04/2004

You've been here four years and you still don't get it?

I'm all for civilized discourse, but every thread with even an inkling of politics turns into a pissing contest. I don't want the P&N nazi retards invading OT.
 

sao123

Lifer
May 27, 2002
12,653
205
106
Originally posted by: Paratus
January 2001 Onion Article

Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over'

January 17, 2001 | Issue 37?01


WASHINGTON, DC?Mere days from assuming the presidency and closing the door on eight years of Bill Clinton, president-elect George W. Bush assured the nation in a televised address Tuesday that "our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over."

Enlarge Image nation nightmare

President-elect Bush vows that "together, we can put the triumphs of the recent past behind us."

"My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."

Bush swore to do "everything in [his] power" to undo the damage wrought by Clinton's two terms in office, including selling off the national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of hospitals and onto the street.

During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.

"You better believe we're going to mix it up with somebody at some point during my administration," said Bush, who plans a 250 percent boost in military spending. "Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?"

On the economic side, Bush vowed to bring back economic stagnation by implementing substantial tax cuts, which would lead to a recession, which would necessitate a tax hike, which would lead to a drop in consumer spending, which would lead to layoffs, which would deepen the recession even further.

Wall Street responded strongly to the Bush speech, with the Dow Jones industrial fluctuating wildly before closing at an 18-month low. The NASDAQ composite index, rattled by a gloomy outlook for tech stocks in 2001, also fell sharply, losing 4.4 percent of its total value between 3 p.m. and the closing bell.

Asked for comment about the cooling technology sector, Bush said: "That's hardly my area of expertise."

Turning to the subject of the environment, Bush said he will do whatever it takes to undo the tremendous damage not done by the Clinton Administration to the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. He assured citizens that he will follow through on his campaign promise to open the 1.5 million acre refuge's coastal plain to oil drilling. As a sign of his commitment to bringing about a change in the environment, he pointed to his choice of Gale Norton for Secretary of the Interior. Norton, Bush noted, has "extensive experience" fighting environmental causes, working as a lobbyist for lead-paint manufacturers and as an attorney for loggers and miners, in addition to suing the EPA to overturn clean-air standards.

Bush had equally high praise for Attorney General nominee John Ashcroft, whom he praised as "a tireless champion in the battle to protect a woman's right to give birth."

"Soon, with John Ashcroft's help, we will move out of the Dark Ages and into a more enlightened time when a woman will be free to think long and hard before trying to fight her way past throngs of protesters blocking her entrance to an abortion clinic," Bush said. "We as a nation can look forward to lots and lots of babies."

nation nightmare jump

Soldiers at Ft. Bragg march lockstep in preparation for America's return to aggression.

Continued Bush: "John Ashcroft will be invaluable in healing the terrible wedge President Clinton drove between church and state."

The speech was met with overwhelming approval from Republican leaders.

"Finally, the horrific misrule of the Democrats has been brought to a close," House Majority Leader Dennis Hastert (R-IL) told reporters. "Under Bush, we can all look forward to military aggression, deregulation of dangerous, greedy industries, and the defunding of vital domestic social-service programs upon which millions depend. Mercifully, we can now say goodbye to the awful nightmare that was Clinton's America."

"For years, I tirelessly preached the message that Clinton must be stopped," conservative talk-radio host Rush Limbaugh said. "And yet, in 1996, the American public failed to heed my urgent warnings, re-electing Clinton despite the fact that the nation was prosperous and at peace under his regime. But now, thank God, that's all done with. Once again, we will enjoy mounting debt, jingoism, nuclear paranoia, mass deficit, and a massive military build-up."

An overwhelming 49.9 percent of Americans responded enthusiastically to the Bush speech.

"After eight years of relatively sane fiscal policy under the Democrats, we have reached a point where, just a few weeks ago, President Clinton said that the national debt could be paid off by as early as 2012," Rahway, NJ, machinist and father of three Bud Crandall said. "That's not the kind of world I want my children to grow up in."

"You have no idea what it's like to be black and enfranchised," said Marlon Hastings, one of thousands of Miami-Dade County residents whose votes were not counted in the 2000 presidential election. "George W. Bush understands the pain of enfranchisement, and ever since Election Day, he has fought tirelessly to make sure it never happens to my people again."

Bush concluded his speech on a note of healing and redemption.

"We as a people must stand united, banding together to tear this nation in two," Bush said. "Much work lies ahead of us: The gap between the rich and the poor may be wide, be there's much more widening left to do. We must squander our nation's hard-won budget surplus on tax breaks for the wealthiest 15 percent. And, on the foreign front, we must find an enemy and defeat it."

"The insanity is over," Bush said. "After a long, dark night of peace and stability, the sun is finally rising again over America. We look forward to a bright new dawn not seen since the glory days of my dad."

Now that is SCARY



Your regular crystal ball has been replaced by this big white onion.
Try that for future telling.
 

JDub02

Diamond Member
Sep 27, 2002
6,209
1
0
Originally posted by: George P Burdell
If I were a mod, I would ban every retard who makes a P&N thread in OT.

This gets my vote. :thumbsup:
 

Fenixgoon

Lifer
Jun 30, 2003
33,424
13,049
136
Originally posted by: judasmachine
hehehe. what's funnier is the righties running in here to defend their little monkey.

yes, because congress never thought up of any laws whatsoever, it was ONLY bush who drafted, amended, and enacted them into law :disgust:
 

evident

Lifer
Apr 5, 2005
12,146
766
126
Originally posted by: Fenixgoon
Originally posted by: judasmachine
hehehe. what's funnier is the righties running in here to defend their little monkey.

yes, because congress never thought up of any laws whatsoever, it was ONLY bush who drafted, amended, and enacted them into law :disgust:

you mean the republican congress at the time?
 

mugs

Lifer
Apr 29, 2003
48,920
46
91
Originally posted by: George P Burdell
If I were a mod, I would ban every retard who makes a P&N thread in OT.

Would this be allowed in P&N? P&N mods would probably move it to OT.
 

KeithP

Diamond Member
Jun 15, 2000
5,664
202
106
Originally posted by: George P Burdell
If I were a mod, I would ban every retard who makes a P&N thread in OT.

Abso-friggin-lutely!

-KeithP
 

Arkaign

Lifer
Oct 27, 2006
20,736
1,379
126
Originally posted by: TehMac
How about 8 years of Clinton being leashed by a Republican congress restraining his spending policies and reforming the national handout system (more popularly referred to as Welfare)?

False, it was 1994-2000. 6 Years.
 

Arkaign

Lifer
Oct 27, 2006
20,736
1,379
126
Originally posted by: destrekor
Originally posted by: TehMac
How about 8 years of Clinton being leashed by a Republican congress restraining his spending policies and reforming the national handout system (more popularly referred to as Welfare)?

Yeah, isn't it fun to watch how people rave and loathe certain presidents, but don't really know the truths about that particular president, but rather know what was done during the president's time. People seem to never learn exactly what this whole thing called Congress really is... they vote people into Congressional seats, yet that's about all they seem to know about it.
Congress has more power than the President, if they choose to use it. If they never agree, then yes the President can have some veto authority, but the President can never force Congress into anything. If Congress goes along with a President's ideas, well... dislike the President for his idea, but loathe Congress for agreeing.

Clinton's Presidency was coupled with a Republican majority in Congress.
Bush's Presidency was coupled with, iirc, a Democratic majority for a better part of his time.

False. Bush had a Republican Majority from 2000-2006.