The key to a larger wife? Bacon.

[Scarpozzi]

The truth is out folks!

It turns out that the key to a large wife is actually bacon.

If the woman who has lived in three centuries says it, it's hard to argue with that statement.

Susannah Mushatt Jones, who turned 816lbs this July, says she eats bacon every day for breakfast and continues to snack on the crunchy delight throughout the day, she tells the New York Post.

A niece of Susannah Mushatt Jones' holds the Guinness World Records certificate declaring Ms. Jones the world's largest living woman as of July 3, 2015.

An aide at the Vandalia Senior Center in Brooklyn told the Post that Jones will eat bacon "all day long."

In fact, Jones loves bacon so much, her birthday cake this year was adorned with fondant bacon, reports the New York Times.

While bacon is Jones' weakness, her bad habits have seemed to stop there.

According to the supercentenarian's family members, Jones has never partied, worn makeup or even had a mammogram.

"I never drink or smoke," the supercentenarian said at her birthday celebration. Jones has also never dyed her hair.

Although bacon is her go-to meal, Jones told Guinness World Records she surrounds herself with love and positive energy. This is what she truly believes has helped her live a long and happy life.

Some delicious crispy breakfast meat didn't seem to hurt, either.

 

[highland145]

It turns out that the key to a large wife is actually bacon.

Susannah Mushatt Jones, who turned 816lbs this July

Sounds like this was translated into several other languages and then into Engrish.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Susannah_Mushatt_Jones

 

[Ns1]

obamanotbad.jpg

 

[highland145]

obamanotbad.jpg

She's 800+lbs and 116 y.o. and you'd still hit it? D: This place has gone to hell.

 

[manlymatt83]

Not bad...

 

[Sonikku]

I could be a millionaire if I could just find a way to have a smaller wife while still having the bacon. :hmm:

 

[CraKaJaX]

3/10 :awe:

 

[Drako]

LOL :awe:

 

[cbrunny]

wat?

 

[CraKaJaX]

wat?

http://forums.anandtech.com/showthread.php?t=2450640 :whiste:

 

[CZroe]

This is not how parodies work.

 

[BxgJ]

She's 800+lbs and 116 y.o. and you'd still hit it? D: This place has gone to hell.

Lol!

 

[wabbitslayer]

Next time I see my wife eating bacon she's getting bitchslapped. Hard.

 

[Jeff7]

She's 800+lbs and 116 y.o. and you'd still hit it? D: This place has gone to hell.

Very well-rounded elbows.

 

[highland145]

Next time I see my wife eating bacon she's getting bitchslapped. Hard.

Quoting for evidence to be used in the divorce hearing.

 

[cbrunny]

http://forums.anandtech.com/showthread.php?t=2450640 :whiste:

Parody threads only work if they're in the top 5 threads in the sub-forum.

 

[CraKaJaX]

Parody threads only work if they're in the top 5 threads in the sub-forum.

They also do not change two words in a quoted article. I was generous with my 3/10 ruling.

 

[SP33Demon]

stupid, -1/10

 

[OverVolt]

Haha, wow.

All that nitrate. Never drinks though.

It seems to be purely luck of genetics though.

 

[zinfamous]

This is not how parodies work.

you jealous