The Human Resources Manager (A JOKE brought to you by Brutuskend!)

Brutuskend

Lifer
Apr 2, 2001
26,558
4
0
One day a highly successful Human Resources Manager was hit by a bus and died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in." said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven," said the woman. "Sorry, we have rules."

And with that, St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before
she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said.

So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours
were up and St. Peter came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity."

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a
better time in Hell."

So, St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down, back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself
standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an employee."


rolleye.gif
 

Joemonkey

Diamond Member
Mar 3, 2001
8,859
4
0
Brutuskend i must say all your jokes i've read have been pretty damn good!

NOW we just need ya to post some good, original puns...
 

NetworkDad

Diamond Member
Jan 22, 2001
3,435
1
0
Not to hijack the thread....but add to its humor:

A professor at the University of West Virginia was
giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel
for his audience, he asks "How many people here
believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who
believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've seen a
ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this
seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

About 15 students raise their hands.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

3 students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question
further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

Way in the back, Billy Ray raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses, and says, "Son,
all the years I've been giving this lecture; no one
has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've
got to come up here and tell us about your
experience."

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin,
and began to make his way up to the podium. When he
reached the front of the room, the professor asks,
"So, Billy Ray, tell us what it's like to have sex
with a ghost?"

Billy Ray replied, "Shiiiiit!!! From way back thar I
thought you said, "Goats"!!
 

Sluggo

Lifer
Jun 12, 2000
15,488
5
81
I heard the joke with <insert whatever> Salesmen.

Yesterday you were a prospect, today you are a buyer.
 

Lithium381

Lifer
May 12, 2001
12,455
7
81
Originally posted by: Sluggo
I heard the joke with <insert whatever> Salesmen.

Yesterday you were a prospect, today you are a buyer.


i heard the one it was "oh that was the demo" come on guys!
 

klah

Diamond Member
Aug 13, 2002
7,070
1
0
Hey NetworkDad, did you see that on slashdot? Just wondering because a goatse troll posted something similar a few days ago.
 

Geekbabe

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 16, 1999
32,234
2,554
126
www.theshoppinqueen.com
LOL,Considering I start a new job in the morning after several weeks of dealing with HR at my new company, I find your joke funny but scary ! :)