cKGunslinger
Lifer
So, Saturday I decide to take the wife to a movie (chick flick,) since the kids are out of town (grandparents) and the following day was Father's Day. Yeah, I know having your kids out of town on Father's Day is a drag, but it was really the only week they could go, so we did our FD thing a few days early and that was fine.
So, "The Break Up." That's what we were going to go see. Didn't look all that interesting to me, but I've been a Vince Vaughn fan since Swingers so I figured I could stand it. There was 1:55 showtime, so we decided to grab a quick bite first, then show up right on time (didn't expect a 2pm showing of a weeks-old, mediocred-reviewed chick flick to be too crowded.)
So anyway, once we got there, I noticed, what I came to later declare to be, the biggest bunch of no-life-having losers I have ever seen. In the theatre parking lot were 4-5 people in bright orange/yellow vests with "Citizens on Patrol" sewn across the backs. Yes, just like from Police Academy. These guys (3-4 ~35yo guys and one older, mid-50s woman who looked like she should be power-walking in the mall at 8am) were checking the Handicapped spots for cars without stickers.
Now I know, you're probably saying, "Hey, cK - that's not really too bad. Cops are usually too busy to look for violators, and people who illegally park there are losers anyway." And I'll agree with you on that point. But the real ball-buster here was that they were also scanning the windshields on other cars, looking for expired registration tags and inspection stickers. I know this, because I heard one chump say "Here's one - inspection sticker - May."
Now WTF? How much of a nanny-wannabe loser do you have to be to voluntarily go scout out parking lots for expired tags? I mean, I maybe could understand if this was for Community Service or something, but these guys were all smiles and laughs. I also just ran across this, which may or may not be the group. They do list "writing citations for accessible parking violations" as one of their volunteer efforts.
So yeah, that sucks. Then we walked into the theatre to buy our tickets from one of the automated machines - cause, you know - I dislike peole and all, and I think you're supposed to use them for CC purchases, instead of the Window People. I enter our ticket requests and it asks for your card. I swipe my MC in the groove and wait. Nothing happens. I do it again and still nothing. One more time and then I get a "This type of card not accepted." pop-up. WTF, I ask. I look at the CC logos on the machine and see, not "MasterCard" but rather something like "MasterCard xPress Pay" or "Mastercard SpeedPass" or something similar. I also notice there is a RFID reader-type box that says "Wave your card here." Well, I'm pretty sure my MC doesn't have an RFID chip in it, but I wave it around, just in case. Then I go ahead and swipe it a few more times. Aggravated, I cancel the purchase and start over, trying one more time. Same results.
Now pissed, not only because of the POS machine, but because there are some "Hurry up"-type mumbles behind us from someone else in line. WTF again, I ask. It's like 1:45 in the afternoon, and there are like 30 people total in the theatre. I've been in line all of a minute, probably less. There are 2 ticket machines in the lobby - the other one has one couple at it buying tickets, and I have, what's appears to be, 4-5 separate groups of people in line behind me. Jesus Christ you morons! Even if you don't know the term "load balancing," I'm sure even a troglodytic monkey can grasp the concept of "shorter lines."
So, flustered a bit, I turn to the sole ATM in the lobby in order to get some cash and hit up the Window People. Surprise, surprise - "This machine is currently out of order. We are sorry for the inconvenience."
Well, Fvck You Too, Cinemark.
Off to Lowe's we head, only a scant 5-6 miles away. Of course, when trying to get out of the parking lot, I can't get by because of the Morons on Patrol all gathered around a "hot find," I guess. Tempted to simply crush their weak bones beneath the 14" tires of my 6 year old Protege, instead I merely mutter very loudly, "Get a real badge or get the fvck out of the road." I'm not usually an asshole (Ha! - you say.), being only 5'6" and 130lbs - but some people deserve it. Besides, the dejected scowls are worth it.
Lowe's is a bit better, even though I thought we were going to have simliar machine problems, judging by the exclamations of the group in front of us. Funny, after they turned their CC the right way, it worked just fine. Popcorn and soda bought - no need to rant about prices, you all know - we head towards our theatre with ~15 to spare. Oddly, there is no one there to take out tickets. We hit the room, only to find it just finishing up from a previous showing. Man, 15-minutes? That's cutting it close, wouldn't you say?
We head back to the lobby and wait a bit, then head back with 5 minutes to go. The lights are on that Cleaning Crew is still at work, we kinda wait around and they look at us. One of them looks at her schedule, then says, in Spanish, that there is no movie coming. I show her our tickets with the date, theatre number, and showtime but she still says there is no movie. A quick talk with a manager, and things get straightened out for us and the 4-5 other people who wanted to watch this film. The film starts only a mere 5 minutes late - no biggie.
Anyway, The Break Up was OK, for a chick flick. I still like Vince, and even though I'm no fan of Aniston, she was looking pretty nice. My wife hated the ending, but it seemed fitting enough. I now have a nice set of rules for Strip Poker, however.
6/10
Cliffs: Fvck you - learn to read or move on!
So, "The Break Up." That's what we were going to go see. Didn't look all that interesting to me, but I've been a Vince Vaughn fan since Swingers so I figured I could stand it. There was 1:55 showtime, so we decided to grab a quick bite first, then show up right on time (didn't expect a 2pm showing of a weeks-old, mediocred-reviewed chick flick to be too crowded.)
So anyway, once we got there, I noticed, what I came to later declare to be, the biggest bunch of no-life-having losers I have ever seen. In the theatre parking lot were 4-5 people in bright orange/yellow vests with "Citizens on Patrol" sewn across the backs. Yes, just like from Police Academy. These guys (3-4 ~35yo guys and one older, mid-50s woman who looked like she should be power-walking in the mall at 8am) were checking the Handicapped spots for cars without stickers.
Now I know, you're probably saying, "Hey, cK - that's not really too bad. Cops are usually too busy to look for violators, and people who illegally park there are losers anyway." And I'll agree with you on that point. But the real ball-buster here was that they were also scanning the windshields on other cars, looking for expired registration tags and inspection stickers. I know this, because I heard one chump say "Here's one - inspection sticker - May."
Now WTF? How much of a nanny-wannabe loser do you have to be to voluntarily go scout out parking lots for expired tags? I mean, I maybe could understand if this was for Community Service or something, but these guys were all smiles and laughs. I also just ran across this, which may or may not be the group. They do list "writing citations for accessible parking violations" as one of their volunteer efforts.
So yeah, that sucks. Then we walked into the theatre to buy our tickets from one of the automated machines - cause, you know - I dislike peole and all, and I think you're supposed to use them for CC purchases, instead of the Window People. I enter our ticket requests and it asks for your card. I swipe my MC in the groove and wait. Nothing happens. I do it again and still nothing. One more time and then I get a "This type of card not accepted." pop-up. WTF, I ask. I look at the CC logos on the machine and see, not "MasterCard" but rather something like "MasterCard xPress Pay" or "Mastercard SpeedPass" or something similar. I also notice there is a RFID reader-type box that says "Wave your card here." Well, I'm pretty sure my MC doesn't have an RFID chip in it, but I wave it around, just in case. Then I go ahead and swipe it a few more times. Aggravated, I cancel the purchase and start over, trying one more time. Same results.
Now pissed, not only because of the POS machine, but because there are some "Hurry up"-type mumbles behind us from someone else in line. WTF again, I ask. It's like 1:45 in the afternoon, and there are like 30 people total in the theatre. I've been in line all of a minute, probably less. There are 2 ticket machines in the lobby - the other one has one couple at it buying tickets, and I have, what's appears to be, 4-5 separate groups of people in line behind me. Jesus Christ you morons! Even if you don't know the term "load balancing," I'm sure even a troglodytic monkey can grasp the concept of "shorter lines."
So, flustered a bit, I turn to the sole ATM in the lobby in order to get some cash and hit up the Window People. Surprise, surprise - "This machine is currently out of order. We are sorry for the inconvenience."
Well, Fvck You Too, Cinemark.
Off to Lowe's we head, only a scant 5-6 miles away. Of course, when trying to get out of the parking lot, I can't get by because of the Morons on Patrol all gathered around a "hot find," I guess. Tempted to simply crush their weak bones beneath the 14" tires of my 6 year old Protege, instead I merely mutter very loudly, "Get a real badge or get the fvck out of the road." I'm not usually an asshole (Ha! - you say.), being only 5'6" and 130lbs - but some people deserve it. Besides, the dejected scowls are worth it.
Lowe's is a bit better, even though I thought we were going to have simliar machine problems, judging by the exclamations of the group in front of us. Funny, after they turned their CC the right way, it worked just fine. Popcorn and soda bought - no need to rant about prices, you all know - we head towards our theatre with ~15 to spare. Oddly, there is no one there to take out tickets. We hit the room, only to find it just finishing up from a previous showing. Man, 15-minutes? That's cutting it close, wouldn't you say?
We head back to the lobby and wait a bit, then head back with 5 minutes to go. The lights are on that Cleaning Crew is still at work, we kinda wait around and they look at us. One of them looks at her schedule, then says, in Spanish, that there is no movie coming. I show her our tickets with the date, theatre number, and showtime but she still says there is no movie. A quick talk with a manager, and things get straightened out for us and the 4-5 other people who wanted to watch this film. The film starts only a mere 5 minutes late - no biggie.
Anyway, The Break Up was OK, for a chick flick. I still like Vince, and even though I'm no fan of Aniston, she was looking pretty nice. My wife hated the ending, but it seemed fitting enough. I now have a nice set of rules for Strip Poker, however.
6/10
Cliffs: Fvck you - learn to read or move on!
