some more old jokes in the spirit of tm37s thread. but atleast these are funny as they are distasteful.
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A: Nefrodite will not be posting on our forums for at least one month.
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Q: Why are black people so quick?
A: They spend the first 9 months of their lives dodging coathangers!
whats the difference between indians and buffalo?
about 30 pounds and a casino jacket
Q: How do you starve Hispanics?
A: Hide their food stamps under their work boots!
Q: What's Bin Ladens favorite drink
A: Manhattann on the rocks
Q: How was copper wire invented?
A: Two Jews fighting over a penny!
How do you stop a mexican from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
A: They spend the first 9 months of their lives dodging coathangers!
Q: Why did Helen Keller have to masturbate with one hand?
A: She moaned with the other!
whats the difference between a pizza and a jew?
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bout 15 minutes
whats the difference between a jew and a piece of bread?
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the bread doesnt cry when it goes in the oven
Q: How many Jews from a concentration camp can you fit in a BMW 328?
A: 2 in the front, 4 in the back, and another 12 in the ashtray!
why doesnt mexico have an olympic team?
anyone who can run, jump, or swim is already here
Why do jewish people have such big noses?
Because air is free.
: What do you say to a black man in a suit?
A: Will the defendant please rise.
Q: What's black, yellow, and hilarious to watch?
A: A busload of black people going over a cliff!
What's the difference between black poon and a bowling ball?
You'd eat the bowling ball if you had to.
Q: What's it called when you see an Italian driving a new Cadillac?
A: Grand Theft Auto
Q: What do you call 10,000 blacks skydving at the same time?
A: Night
how come italians dont have freckles?
cause it slides off their faces
how do you keep and italian off your front yard?
put the garbage in the backyard
Q: How do you stop a black guy from drowning?
A: take your foot off his head
why do mexicans drive lowriders?
its easier to pick to tomatoes.
why do pedophiles like halloween?
free delivery.
what do you get when you cross a mexican and a pollack?
a gang banger who sprays paints chain link fences
How did the baby fall out of the tree?
I shot it with my 12-gauge semi-automatic rifle.
How do you turn a baby into a cat?
Freeze it solid, then run it through a bandsaw... Meeow!
Q: Why did the Mexicans only have 5000 troops at the Battle of the Alamo?
A: They only had 7 pickup trucks
A woman is lying in a bed in a hospital after recently giving birth and her new born baby is asleep in the cradle beside her when the doctor walks into the room. The doctor picks up the baby, throws it in the air - letting it land on the floor. He picks it up again and throws it against the walls a couple of times before drop-kicking it out the window.
"My baby, My baby" The woman screamed with horror. "You killed my baby!".
To which the doctor replied. "Ha ha, April fools it was already dead!
A guy and a girl are having sex, and the girl says: "Don't you think it was presumptuous of you to think you could sleep with me on the first date?" The man responds: "Don't you think 'presumptuous' is kind of a big word for a second grader?"
A little girl is standing by the edge of a cliff crying her eyes out.
A man comes over and says, "What's wrong little girl?"
The little girl still crying just points over to the edge of the cliff.
The man looks over the edge and sees a car with the little girl's parents mangled n the rocks below.
The man turns round, unzips his fly and says, "I guess it just ain't your lucky day!"
whats the difference between martin luther king day and st. pattys day?
everyone wants to be irish on st. pattys
A man goes into a pharmacy. He says to the druggist: "I need some birth control for my eleven-year-old daughter."
"Is your little girl sexually active?" asks the druggist.
"Nah, she just lays there like her mother."
whats the best part about being a child molestor?
her tiny hands make your cock look huge
Q. Why are there only two pallbearers at an Indians funeral?
A. A trash can only has two handles
young girl goes to her father and says: "Dad, can I go to the prom?"
He leers at her and says: "Sure, but you have to suck my dick first."
Well, the girl really wants to go to the prom, so reluctantly she pulls down his zipper and begins sucking. After a while, she looks up at him and says: "Dad, you're dick tastes like shit!"
He says, "I know. Your brother wanted to go too!"
What's the difference between a jesus on the cross, and a picture of jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang a picture.
Q: Why don't black guys drive pickup trucks?
A: They can see over the hood
Mommy, Mommy! What's a lesbian?
Go ask Daddy, she'll know.
whats the difference between a cop car and a cactus
on a cactus the pricks on the outside
redneck and a mexican are riding in the backseat of a car, whos driving?
the cop
what do you call an annorexic with a yeast infection?
a 1/4 pounder with cheese
A womans in a coma and the on duty nurse is giving her a sponge bath. Everytime she touches her privates with the sponge the heart rate monitor bleeps. So the nurse get excited and heads out into the lobby to get her husband. The nurse tells the husband that everytime she touches her privates, the monitor registers that she feels it. She suggests that he go in and give her oral sex. So he closes the door and goes inside...10 minutes later the nurse sees the womans heartrate has gone flat. She runs in and asks the husband what happened and if he performed oral sex.
He says "yeah I DID but i think she choked"
Q. What's the definition of gross?
A. Licking the sweat off your grandpa's back as you f*ck him in the ass.
Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
A: Mace
A kid comes home from college and is talking to his dad.
"Dad, I think my roommate's a lovely human"
"What makes you think that, son?" the dad replies.
"Well, dad, when I'm sucking his cock, it tastes like sh&t!"
Q: What did the maxi pad say to the fart?
A: You are the wind beneath my wings.
Q: What's soft and warm when you go to bed, but hard and stiff when you wake up?
A: Vomit.
Q. What goes: "CLICK - is that it? CLICK - is that it? CLICK - is that it?"
A. A blind person with a Rubik's cube.
What did the little nazi kid get for x-mas?
gi joe and a EZ bake oven
When Mr. O'Leary died, an elaborate wake was planned. In preparation, Mrs. O'Leary called the undertaker aside for a private little talk.
"Please be sure to secure his toupee to his head very securely. No one but I knew he was bald," she confided, "and he'd never rest in peace if anyone found out at this point. Our friends from the old country are sure to hold his hands and touch his head before they're through paying their last respects."
"Rest assured, Mrs. O'Leary," comforted the under- taker. "I'll fix it so that toupee will never come off."
Sure enough, the day of the wake the old timers were giving O'Leary's ancient corpse quite a going over, but the toupee stayed firmly in place. At the end of the day, a delighted Mrs. O'Leary offered the undertaker an extra hundred dollars for handling the matter so professionally.
"Oh, I couldn't possibly accept your money," protested the undertaker. "What's a few nails?"
Where do white babies go when they die?
Heaven.
What do they get when they get there?
Wings.
What do you call it?
An Angel.
Where do black babies go when they die?
Heaven.
What do they get when they get there?
Wings.
What do you call that?
A bat.
A black family, a white family and a puerto rican family live in a 3 family house. The house burns donw at 2pm, who survives and why?
The white family because they were at work.
There once was a very rich Texan, who had an almost overwhelming fear of elephants. Not a single night would go by where he didn't have a nightmare where he was stampeded by elephants.
He finally decided that the only way to overcome this fear was to travel to africa and kill an elephant.
He traveled to africa, and quickly hired a Safari guide, a White hunter. The white hunter had many natives working for him, who would gut and cook the day's kills, clean the guns, and distract the animals when necessary.
On the hunt for the elephant, the texan finally had an Elephant in range, when Mutumbo, one of the white hunter's loyal companions made a huge ruckus to distract the elephant and give the texan a clear shot. The texan moves his sights from the elephant to Mutumbo and fired, instantly killing him.
The whit hunter said "Why on earth did you do that? Mutumbo has been working for me for 15 years, and is my friend."
The texan said "Well, if there is anything I hate more than an elephant, it's a big, black, noisy great person."
etc etc etc
Humour is generally defined as an emotional,mental or aesthetic aspect of a thing,person or even event that excites pleasant and joyous attitudes and feelings and produces mirthful laughter,smiling and similar observable responses of amusement. Analysed from a behaviourial or social perspective the fundamental components are four aspects which are interactional and intertwining. Firstly there is a STIMULUS, whose properties are identified as funny and therefore produce the second component of RESPONSE. Which may be expressive or reactive involving the saying of something witty or of laughter. Intervening between the stimulus and the response is the third aspect. A complex set of variables such as personality traits,one's taste and mind sets, MEDIATING the stimulus and response. Finally there is the CONSEQUENCE or effect of this process. In conditioning terms, a learned response increases in strength or frequency if it is followed by a positive consequence - that is,if it is positively reinforced.
Also important is the context,social setting,or situation in which this process is played out. The CONTEXT,which functions as a stimulus or as an enhancement of a stimulus,includes climate of joyousness,a facilitative surround of other people laughing, a condition of playfulness or ludicrousness. As in the case of the joke about the two Jews facing the firing squad,these contextual factors may be operating even when the individual is besieged by underlying sorrow.
Now what is there about the stimulus that renders it not only funny but also uniquely Jewish? The structure of the stimulus - whether it be in the form of a pun, joke, oneliner, "shtick" or whatever - must contain incongruity,a sudden twist or juxtaposition of unexpected elements:
"What does your wife make for dinner?"
"Reservations."
That's funny,but it's not necessarily Jewish. What will make it Jewish is the content,the use of accents and names that are obviously Jewish,and the reference to typical or stereotypical Jewish culture,ritual,ethnicity,and either secular or religious identity.
"What does your wife make for dinner?"
Reservations."
"Have you heard of that new Jewish wine?"
(Whining) "I want a mink coat."
Whether this joke is virulently anti-semitic or harmlessly cute depends on a number of factors,including who is telling it (Jew or Gentile,male or female), what is the intention or motive of the teller (since intention is not easy to determine,partly because it is buried in the intervening personality and taste components,we cannot be sure if it is hostile or not),and the precise nature of the context (among Jewish friends or non Jewish strangers,in an atmosphere of joy and playfulness or hate and anger). In the illustrations provided below,we can only speculate about the intentions of the humour makers. Although it appears to those Jewish individuals who conducted studies on humorous material that there was a correlation between it and the rise or triggering of anti-Semitism,we cannot be sure and should be careful not to jump to unwarranted conclusions.
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