The American Family is Dead...

[paperfist]

Out of curiosity and to stir the pot a bit, what exactly is the importance of being close with family versus being close with friends? Is there some reason why you have to/should be close with family?

Blood is thicker than water.

 

[Homerboy]

Blood is thicker than water.

That's a colloquialism. Doesn't explain it.

 

[Mayne]

my sister fucked over my whole life today...so i'm not sure about that whole blood is thicker bullshit.

 

[paperfist]

That's a colloquialism. Doesn't explain it.

You grow up with your family around you, eat, sleep, fight with them. Usually friends don't get that kind of angle therefore the family bind (should) be the strongest.

 

[PJFrylar]

Meh, you wouldn't want to be close to a bunch of my family either. They are trashy backstabbers. Long story short, it is the classic situation where my grandpa died, and my uncles are trying to screw over everyone else including my grandmother. Real bunch of winners. Their kids tends not to be much better either. Thankfully they live 1000 miles away, and I don't ever have to see them.

 

[paperfist]

my sister fucked over my whole life today...so i'm not sure about that whole blood is thicker bullshit.

She painted your bedroom pink?

 

[bfun_x1]

Yeah Latino (My culture) Holy shit My parents if it was up to them would still want me living at home. We definately are tight nit and help eachother out (I paid my parents mortgage off and forced my dad to retire at 62 and got my mom to retire as well when she hit 62) He would have died if he was still working. All my assets when I die will end up going to my Nieces for example (I have 3 so each gets one house LOL ie my mancave/music studio house and house next door and the other house we bought put my MIL to live in so she can live comfortably.)

I notice Anglo Whites are super distant from thier children, and it is so common to hear them getting disinherited as well which is so weird. One example I know of Its like you have a Son etc.. and you chose to hand over your paid for home to the neighbors instead of your flesh and blood trying to make ends meet because you did not like the person he married 15 years ago. His parents passed away and the hispanic neigbors now live in the house that really should have gone to him and his child. SO WEIRD.

Maybe it's a generational thing too. My grandparents were really big on keeping the family together. They hosted the holidays, threw parties, and coordinated reunions. When they passed things just fell apart. There weren't any family arguments that I knew about. It just seemed like people stopped putting the effort into it.

 

[Kaido]

Anyhow, I've stopped by my Uncles place in a city 3 hours away to hang out with my Uncle/Aunt - as well as my cousins there. I know my uncle and aunt aren't going to be around in the next 20 years, so I feel it's important to try to stay close with my cousins. They never come down to see us - nor even try to reach out and contact us. They just sit at home and post their entire life on Facebook. It's really getting pathetic. Same goes for my family in California and Florida.

No one wants to communicate or talk anymore. Heck, they won't even email. I've tried the text message route but they might just send 1 answer with no real drive to continue conversing. So I'm at that point where I've given up and just feel defeated. They are just downright pathetic people with no honest point of existence as they sit in their boring little bubble world of Facebooking what they ate for dinner. Bravo - I hope you feel like your life is fulfilled as you do such awesome things as making dinner. Whats next, pulling up your pants on your own? Making breakfast? Don't go too far now...

Just playing devil's advocate here:

1. Perhaps they have trouble communicating, and Facebook is easier for them to share than in-person.

2. How would they (or how did they) behave in the past, pre-social media? I mean, everyone has weird people in their family, who were weird even before stuff like Facebook existed.

3. I was pretty introverted when I was younger. I may have been closed-off, but I always appreciated it when someone else made the effort to talk to me & give me some attention, even if I didn't reciprocate because I really just didn't know how to socialize very well, so your in-person visits might have some positive effect, even if you don't see it.

4. I think a lot of people struggle with things like depression, boredom, anxiety, and a general lack of direction & purpose. Sometimes doing things like posting their meals on Instagram simply makes them feel good.

Just throwing it out there. I've got some family like yours & it is definitely frustrating when they don't make an effort to participate, and it absolutely makes you want to throw in the towel & just give up on them. I'm not saying either way is right or wrong, but sometimes there's more to the story than meets the eye, and I'd rather have given it my best effort & tried consistently than just to have shrugged them off as jerks, you know?

 

[dud]

my sister fucked over my whole life today...so i'm not sure about that whole blood is thicker bullshit.

Please start another thread and post the drama there. I'm sure that there are many inquisitive minds here who would like to know the facts.

 

[nakedfrog]

Please start another thread and post the drama there. I'm sure that there are many inquisitive minds here who would like to know the facts.

Don't worry, he already posted it in his designated thread.

 

[ImpulsE69]

Meh, you wouldn't want to be close to a bunch of my family either. They are trashy backstabbers. Long story short, it is the classic situation where my grandpa died, and my uncles are trying to screw over everyone else including my grandmother. Real bunch of winners. Their kids tends not to be much better either. Thankfully they live 1000 miles away, and I don't ever have to see them.

Sounds exactly like my family...

 

[vi edit]

It's an interesting topic. I think some of us are experiencing an exodus from low population center's to places with better job opportunities/things to do. With that comes a physical separation and it just compounds farther and farther as extended relatives started doing the same.

For example. I'm 40. My Dad has 6 brothers and sisters. There's 10 grandkids in those 7 siblings. I'm the oldest of the grandkids at 40, my sister is next at 35, then there's a 5 year past that. 25 years ago we would all meet for Christmas and Thanksgiving. We all lived pretty close to each other and it was easy to meet up.

Now 25 years later I'm in Kentucky. My sister is in Rhode Island. 2 of the grandkids are in Texas. Another is Australia. Another is in Florida and one is Tennessee. Some of us have kids of our own now. I'm finding that instead of having one big get together each Christmas like we used to, they are a fraction of what they used to be. Most of the "Aunts and Uncles" go visit their own kids or have small Christmases of their own. Travel costs, small kids, jobs, schools, ect all sort of get in the way of the big gatherings.

Once you start seeing people less often, and living your own lives you start to turn inward on your own family and things going on. It can be difficult trying to maintain those relations as common interests/age/just frequency of knowing each other starts to fizzle.

 

[StinkyPinky]

I got sick of trying to keep in touch with my family. My father would always criticize me for not doing it, yet my nieces, brothers, sister etc never contacted me and still never do so (one brother does). Even my father doesn't really keep in touch. Spends all week with his girlfriend and golf buddies though. I'm not saying i was perfect but at least I would send them a card on their birthday or send an email from time to time.

Honestly it just made me bitter (can't you tell?). I wouldn't even bother visiting my father if it wasn't due to an obligation i feel.

 

[darkswordsman17]

You think it's weird to not have a TV on during dinner? Man, there is something wrong with you if that's how you feel. You're exactly what I'm describing if you don't understand the importance of communicating and talking with one another over a small 20-30 minute dinner.

Also, I don't necessarily think it's because they don't like me - not that I care either. I'm 99% sure it's just people that live in their bubble that don't want the possibility of a slightly awkward conversation. So they avoid any conversation that isn't via text, etc..



I agree, but it's not really about trust persay - just staying in contact with one another. I'm not trying to lean on them to watch my dogs or take me in, but rather to just not forget about eachother and (perhaps) gather on occasion (even once a year) and have some beers over a barbecue.

Where did I say that? If you can't possibly fathom things beyond that level of simplicity then you're just straight fucked. You're perfectly proving my point though. You're focused on stupid shit that has nothing to do with it and wanting to go on diatribes about "the death of the American family" over it. Based on your P&N posts, I can guess a pretty easy explanation for why your family isn't too interested in hanging out with you much.

If no one likes talking to you, gee I wonder what the common problem there is. Hmm, nah it couldn't possibly be you, nope its that society is collapsing around us! Oh no, people have different priorities in life and that doesn't include you. Hey it sucks but find new people to go talk and eat with then.

How long has it been? Maybe they just need to get used to conversing during dinner.

They used to talk all the time regardless of there being a TV or not. My sister used to complain that they talked too much even. But then she suddenly decided that they didn't talk enough and somehow the TV was a problem, when it wasn't. The TV didn't fucking matter, if anything it actually enabled them talking about things based on what they were watching (which they weren't sitting there watching engrossing films or anything while eating, it was shitty TV shows that they also were DVRing so if they missed something they could easily rewatch it). Plus its not like they don't talk plenty. It was just random idiocy for no reason. I see people do that far too often, and it usually leads into them making grand condemnations about society and other nonsense like the OP.

 

[darkswordsman17]

My uncles and aunts live 1400 miles away so I can't comment on closeness. I think the nearest outer-family member resides 800 miles away. I see them every few years hopefully, or not. But as a whole my relatives are well-adjusted friendly talkers, so I don't want for fellowship around them. They're a bunch of teachers / psychologists / counselors so ... go figure.

White powaahhh!

😵

 

[FeuerFrei]

😵

I got done with the post and realized I hadn't mentioned ethnicity. Think of it as "pinoy powaah" or "latino powaah."

 

[dave_the_nerd]

A lot of people have really shitty families and I don't blame them for not hanging around with them.

 

[PJFrylar]

Sounds exactly like my family...

Yeah... unfortunately I know my situation is hardly unique. We moved away from my dad's side of the family to be closer to my mom's for a reason, so their current behavior isn't even close to shocking. I just can't imagine being in the mindset where I'd not only want to try to screw over my siblings, but deprive my mother of money she might need to live on in her retirement for a bit of extra money "coming my way" via my dad dying. I'll choose friends over family like that any day. Blood being thicker than water is just a sad, sorry trope as sad and sorry as a fair number of my family.

 

[fleshconsumed]

I think the OP is missing the simplest answer. They just don't like you. There could be plenty of reasons for that. Or maybe they just realize they don't have much in common with you so they don't want to try and force awkward situations.

I think this is the most likely answer. Seeing the kind of shit OP espouses in P&N I wouldn't want to see him either, even if he was my own family.

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

Where did I say that? If you can't possibly fathom things beyond that level of simplicity then you're just straight fucked. You're perfectly proving my point though. You're focused on stupid shit that has nothing to do with it and wanting to go on diatribes about "the death of the American family" over it. Based on your P&N posts, I can guess a pretty easy explanation for why your family isn't too interested in hanging out with you much.

If no one likes talking to you, gee I wonder what the common problem there is. Hmm, nah it couldn't possibly be you, nope its that society is collapsing around us! Oh no, people have different priorities in life and that doesn't include you. Hey it sucks but find new people to go talk and eat with then.

They used to talk all the time regardless of there being a TV or not. My sister used to complain that they talked too much even. But then she suddenly decided that they didn't talk enough and somehow the TV was a problem, when it wasn't. The TV didn't fucking matter, if anything it actually enabled them talking about things based on what they were watching (which they weren't sitting there watching engrossing films or anything while eating, it was shitty TV shows that they also were DVRing so if they missed something they could easily rewatch it). Plus its not like they don't talk plenty. It was just random idiocy for no reason. I see people do that far too often, and it usually leads into them making grand condemnations about society and other nonsense like the OP.

I think this is the most likely answer. Seeing the kind of shit OP espouses in P&N I wouldn't want to see him either, even if he was my own family.

Yeah no. Apparently you need to learn and work on your reading skills. These are cousins that I haven't talked to much since I've actually been able to vote - let alone been interested in debating politics. These are people I used to see as a kid - and I simply never see them anymore because they are basically hermit crabs. Try reading the OP instead of making ridiculous assumptions.

Hell - with people that I DO see (friends, coworkers, etc. that are local) I don't ever bring up or debate politics unless someone else brings up the subject. And even then I know to just nod my head and smile the majority of the time.

So look - maybe you guys are oblivious to what I'm talking about. Maybe you still have family to hang out. I don't - everyone has scattered to different cities or states. The closest family I have is an uncle and cousins that are 3+ hours away. Previously when it was my parent's generation everyone used to put forth more effort to see each other - Be it family reunions, stopping by for a visit for a weekend.... now everyone is just content with Facebook and taking pictures of their dinner it seems.