Telling my parents I no longer want to be a part of their church

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Shadow Conception

Golden Member
Mar 19, 2006
1,539
1
81
I'd finish high school before moving out. Having to work to pay off bills, food, clothes, etc. AND do school at the same time is a lot harder than just having your parents shelter you while doing school. Obviously, you'd have to do it eventually because of college, but your rights and stuff aren't the same. And would a court even grant emancipation to a minor based on religious differences? He has already shown that he's not brainwashed by the common ideologies surrounding him, so he should be fine for a couple more years. Additionally, he'd likely lose the moral support of his parents.

On the upside, you'd truly be able to tell everybody that you were a self-made man.
 

Psynaut

Senior member
Jan 6, 2008
653
1
0
Originally posted by: Penth
Point me to another church that has such a fair method for dealing with everyone who has ever lived and also where even people who don't believe or follow receive such a reward.

Here ya go
 

senseamp

Lifer
Feb 5, 2006
35,787
6,197
126
Do something so embarrassing in church that they either kick you out or your mom is too ashamed of you to bring you to service ;)
 

senseamp

Lifer
Feb 5, 2006
35,787
6,197
126
If she says you either go or move out, then go to the service. You don't have to believe the stuff, but frankly free food and shelter for spending a few hours a week to listen to some self righteous prick talk is a pretty good deal. I am an atheist, but if going to some church for a few hours on Sunday would pay my rent and food bill, I wouldn't care much what the religion is, it makes sense from a pure financial point of view. Just think of it as a job and get it out of the way.

 

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
111,125
30,076
146
yikes.

leaving the LDS?

there are some members here who have done that. perhaps give them a ring?
 

DanDaManJC

Senior member
Oct 31, 2004
776
0
76
My parents were very religious too and forced me to go to church. I started drifting away from the faith while I was homeschooled in late elementary - middle school... I just got disgusted with all the stupid little things like the 'evils' of modern science (ie big bang and evolution) to how evil Pokemon was. So ok, as a little kid the pokemon thing was a giant sore spot for me... but later on I started caring about the mischaractization of science.

Basically I made it well known that I had no intention or desire to go to church. Essentially, I whined about it xD. My dad's adamant about having a genuine faith and not being half assed about what you believe... so it didn't make sense to me why he would force me to go to church when I had no interest in it, whatsoever. But that's about as far as it went... I continued going to church, but never got involved or did youth group. Furthermore, I made it no secret that I had no interest in Christianity. Freshman year of college I simply stopped going and I haven't had to go since...

I'm only 20 now... so I really don't have any perspective on how much this affected my relationship with my parents. But I do think it was a cause of friction, iono though, no need to go into too much detail though :-D

 

AstroManLuca

Lifer
Jun 24, 2004
15,628
5
81
Originally posted by: senseamp
If she says you either go or move out, then go to the service. You don't have to believe the stuff, but frankly free food and shelter for spending a few hours a week to listen to some self righteous prick talk is a pretty good deal. I am an atheist, but if going to some church for a few hours on Sunday would pay my rent and food bill, I wouldn't care much what the religion is, it makes sense from a pure financial point of view. Just think of it as a job and get it out of the way.

Yeah, I don't get why people seem to think that his mom is going to kick him to the curb the moment he expresses doubt. That's not typical of highly religious people anyway. A lot of them will see a lack of faith as a challenge and they'll try harder to convert you or get you back (not that it'll work, but they'll try).

Tell her the truth, that you just don't think the church fits you. Politely, at least at first. If she forces you to go, there's not a whole lot you can really do, but she can't make you like it.
 

thomsbrain

Lifer
Dec 4, 2001
18,148
1
0
My mom was the pastor at our church, making it an extra sticky situation since there was potential for her to take it personally. Around age 17, I started sleeping in late every Sunday morning because I was always out late on Saturdays, and basically just stopped going after a while. There didn't seem to be any tension as a result of this (my mom is pretty easy-going and I think she got the picture). I still make an effort to drive home and go on Easter and X-mas services to be supportive of her (even if I'm not fond of church in general). Each time I move, she reminds me of the nearest branch of our church ("In case you want to go"), tells me what she knows of the pastor, and leaves it at that.

I bit my tongue through Confirmation to make my family happy, even though I had already stopped believing and was seriously uncomfortable with the process. I was also pissed off that through the entire thing, no one ever asked me whether or not I wanted to do it. I felt that because I wasn't encouraged to question or work through my doubts, people must have been afraid of giving me a choice. I didn't like that one bit. But again, I went along, because at 13, I wasn't going to rock the boat. By the time I was 17 or so, I figured I had paid my dues, it wasn't for me at that point in my life, and I could make the choice for myself by simply not attending anymore.
 

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
111,125
30,076
146
Originally posted by: LessThanDan
Originally posted by: dbk
I think you should just suck it up until you go to college. Tell your parents when you're older because they probably will take this as a teenager rebelling.

That's partly what I've been thinking. Once I graduate from high school, I could move out and rent a small place with some roommates (even though the University of Utah is only like a 10 minute drive from my house, in which most people would ideally live at home during college).

no no no.


DO NOT go to school in UTAH.

go to a coastal school for chrissakes. How do you expect to escape the LDS, or at least develop a bit more independence, when you live in Mormon Mecca?
 

DangerAardvark

Diamond Member
Oct 22, 2004
7,559
0
0
Originally posted by: Penth
Last thing about mormons who think they're going to heaven and everyone else is going to hell. First I think pretty much every church thinks this and should. If they don't think they've got the teachings and authority to make a difference in where you go after this life then I don't see the point. I'd just go with the "no church and I'll be a good person."

I like this attitude. If you think I'm going to Hell, say it to my face and now I understand your position better. Anyone who honestly believes in Hell and honestly cares about you, will try their damnedest to save you from it. And if you don't think I'm going to Hell, then what's the incentive for me to believe, if we go to the same place regardless? It's not even that bad anyway. Mormon "Hell" is exactly like Earth. Well... I think apostates go to the "spirit prison", a delightful euphemism for federal-pound-me-in-the-ass Hell. Me and the OP will be there and there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth, and worse of all... scripture study.
 

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
111,125
30,076
146
Originally posted by: Gamingphreek
I don't know the mormon faith, but I know it is somewhat of an extended and convoluted version of Christianity. Even if you don't believe in their book, you may consider looking in it and pulling out a passage about being tolerant of other peoples beliefs and what not.

16 is a really pivotal age. The fact that you are seeing all this in your religion leads me to believe that you have really thought this through and it isn't just a snap judgment from a rebelling teen.

What do you plan on doing outside of this Church though? Do you plan on becoming a Christian or otherwise? At any rate, feel free to PM me with any questions and I will do my best to help!

Good luck with your family, and, I hope it doesn't offend you, but I'll make sure to say a prayer that everything will be okay!

-Kevin

newsflash: Mormons are Christians, whether or not you like it.

I've had plenty of discussions with "Christians" that will claim otherwise, but there are plenty of sects within Christianity that don't accept any other sect.

Why not accept all of them? Why is it that only ONE can be right? is it possible that all of them are right? How about if all of them are wrong? logic would dictate that only one event is possible...seeing as how all are equally plausible, I can't see how any tenet is "the right one."

...
 

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
111,125
30,076
146
Originally posted by: LessThanDan
Originally posted by: Skoorb
Now, if service is super long, I'd find that harder to suck up.

In this chuch, there's a lot more to "suck up" than just three hours of church every sunday.

A big concern I will tell you right now: Tithing. Giving one tenth of what you earn to the church (we usually do this annually, in december). I've been working a lot ever since the beginning of the year, especially with my second job over the summer. Which means I've made quite a bit of money, for someone who's just in high school.

At the end of the year, somehow I don't feel comfortable taking almost a thousand bucks out of my bank account and handing it over to an organization that I don't even like. How do I go about handling that?

Originally posted by: Gamingphreek
What do you plan on doing outside of this Church though? Do you plan on becoming a Christian or otherwise?

I do not want to belong to any particular faith, let alone an institution. You might call me an agnostic, but then again I personally think that "agnosticism" alone is a vague term and there are different types of it. It's not a question of whether or not I believe in God, but rather: What is God? This is very subjective depending on how one actually defines god. In this sense, I do believe in God, however I don't personify God as a tall old dude with a white robe and flowing beard, communicating with us from an alternate plane of existence. In this case one may consider God as simply the force that triggered the existence of our universe, which is not necessarily the omniscient, personified version of god that we see in greek or roman mythology for example (and even today).

I'm probably going into a totally different subject completely here, but maybe I've given you the gist of it.

My adicve (outside of PM):

If you still want to do the God thing, then try out the United Church of Christ. They're about as far away from LDS and the conservative yahoos as you can get.

GL.
 

DangerAardvark

Diamond Member
Oct 22, 2004
7,559
0
0
Originally posted by: zinfamous
Originally posted by: Gamingphreek
I don't know the mormon faith, but I know it is somewhat of an extended and convoluted version of Christianity. Even if you don't believe in their book, you may consider looking in it and pulling out a passage about being tolerant of other peoples beliefs and what not.

16 is a really pivotal age. The fact that you are seeing all this in your religion leads me to believe that you have really thought this through and it isn't just a snap judgment from a rebelling teen.

What do you plan on doing outside of this Church though? Do you plan on becoming a Christian or otherwise? At any rate, feel free to PM me with any questions and I will do my best to help!

Good luck with your family, and, I hope it doesn't offend you, but I'll make sure to say a prayer that everything will be okay!

-Kevin

newsflash: Mormons are Christians, whether or not you like it.

I've had plenty of discussions with "Christians" that will claim otherwise, but there are plenty of sects within Christianity that don't accept any other sect.

Why not accept all of them? Why is it that only ONE can be right? is it possible that all of them are right? How about if all of them are wrong? logic would dictate that only one event is possible...seeing as how all are equally plausible, I can't see how any tenet is "the right one."

...

Not only that, but Mormons are ultra-conservative. They vote Republican and they love Jesus. What else do you want? Oh, and they're one of the world's fastest growing religions and they're fucking RICH. That 10% adds up.
 

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
111,125
30,076
146
Originally posted by: DangerAardvark
Originally posted by: Penth
Originally posted by: Psynaut
Same as alot of religions and cults too, for that matter. you are brainwashed from birth with utterly rediculous ideas, and taught to believe that you have the one truth and everyone else is lost. Mormons love to help others, but beneath this generosity is a really arrogant sense of moral superiority. They believe there are 9 levels of heaven and only Mormons go to the highest three levels.

They have beliefs that are bigoted towards blacks and repressive towards women. Women can only get into heaven through their husbands, and black people are the spirits who didn't pick a side during the battle in heaven between Jesus and Satan.

They don't drink coffee or tea because it has caffiene, but eat chocolate and drink soda like it was required to support life. And oh ya, that South park stuff really is how the religion started... Nutty stuff!

Not drinking coffee or tea has nothing to do with caffeine, but I'm sure it helps you to misrepresent the church by saying that and making the belief seem hypocritical.

Also, which beliefs are bigoted towards blacks or repressive to women? I think you're referring to a teaching that says a woman can only get into the highest degree of heaven with her husband. The same teaching that says a man can only get their with his wife. That seems really repressive to women for sure.

Originally posted by: evident
don't mean to thread-jack, but what is it like being brought up in a LDS family?

Another perspective on this. Growing up in an LDS family was great. We have a big family and we're all very close. I have like 14 nieces and nephews and we all go to my parents house at least once a month. We went to 3 hours of church every sunday and usually had youth activities in the middle of the week (that us kids sometimes tried to get out of). We were taught to pay our 10% tithing (you people who have a problem with this ought to look up the word tithe). We were also taught to help others, though I can assure you that all mormons don't LOVE to help everyone else out. It's just something we do because we believe when you're in the service of your fellow being you are only in the service of your God.

Also, I don't know about the really arrogant sense of moral superiority that psynaut mentioned but I think there is a confidence that comes from doing what is honest and right.

Were you wondering about anything specifically or just the general feeling of it?

Dumb dumb dumb dumb. How about the teaching that black people were the fence-sitters in the heavenly war are descended from Caine as a result? How about the fact that they weren't allowed to join the Priesthood until the 70's, when God apparently changed his mind? And though the outright bigotry has ceased, the doctrine that prompted it remains.

Also, interpretation of the Word of Wisdom varies. Some interpret "hot drinks" as coffee or tea, and some as any caffeine at all. Either way, try finding a Mountain Dew at BYU. You'll have an easier time finding a condom.

God changed his mind A LOT in the mormon church. Hell, he changed the promised land from Illinois, to Missouri, to Utah....b/c apparently God wasn't right the first 2 times.

God decided that men should marry as many women as he wanted. Then God decided they shouldn't. God decided the red man was marked by Caine's sin (still hasn't decided against that one, though. 1/3 ain't bad...I guess.) Oh yeah, the black man was marked too...but then God decided he wasn't? Is that because God liked how the black man fought for his own justice both politically and financially? Is it because there were a significant number of black people left to fight for their freedoms, as opposed to the "red man" who was effectively wiped out and subjugated to infertile lands, bingo parlors, whiskey bars, and casinos?

Sounds like God acts at the whim of American political lobbyists and historical movements....moreso than through the divine influence of a heavenly being.
Odd

speaking of which...is God still a fan of the holy underwear? How about the designation of planets towards men, and subsequent universes and satellites to his betrothed womenfolk?
 

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
111,125
30,076
146
Originally posted by: miketheidiot
Originally posted by: RichardE
Eat it until you hit 18, move away to college and than blame the outside world on it.


Or cause a massive family disrupt so you can assert your independence early in life. One of the big things you find out when you grow up, and usually only as a result of doing the first action, is holding your tongue and your thoughts for a while is not a bad thing.



Originally posted by: dbk
I think you should just suck it up until you go to college. Tell your parents when you're older because they probably will take this as a teenager rebelling.

/thread

<--- closet ex-catholic, at least to my family

seriously, this is the BEST thing for you in terms of avoiding historically catastrophic family turmoil.

Check my PM, too ;)

1st and foremost: Apply to East/West coast Universities. get away from Utah. Hell, go to school in Switzerland.
 

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
111,125
30,076
146
Originally posted by: LessThanDan
Originally posted by: Penth
Oh, I didn't notice cuz it wasn't bold.. Maybe he means financially. Certainly not if he wants to have fun.

Is living with your parents during college very unusual to you people? Most of the people I know do it. If you live in the same town I do, and you go to Weber State University or the University of Utah, then there's no point in moving a few miles closer to your school only to have to pay rent or food expenses or what-have-you. If the university you go to is only a 10 minute drive from your house, would you still move out?

Anyway, I appreciate people's suggestions so far. Also Penth, you bring up a lot of good points and I respect you for some of what you discussed. I don't think I would be able to point you to another church that judges and deals with everyone, members or not, in such a fair way as you said.

It's b/c everyone you know is Mormon....

I went to school in the same town that I grew up in. I didn't live at home once I graduated college....No reason to live at home:

Child of divorce = financial aid.
Get the feds to pay for your education and expenses (Well...if there's any fed aid left--not sure; I graduated before "W" wrecked everything)
 

magomago

Lifer
Sep 28, 2002
10,973
14
76
The best advice was the compromising advice. Staking a claim isn't going to work out well and sucking it up 100% is something even I couldn't swallow.

Btw here is my advice about this as a Muslim (and this is something that wasn't written in this thread): If you are going to do it - make sure you know EXACTLY what your beef is and why you have a problem. Many times people will THINK something is part a religion (hence why I mentioned the fact I'm a Muslim - you get what I'm headed hopefully since I face this a lot) when it is NOT. IT can get annoying to hear claims that are simple not true or completely exaggerated (I read this thread and one chap pointed out that only a man can reach the highest level of heaven if he is married as well...which puts the whole "only women can get into the highest level of heaven if she marries" into perspective). If you are caught in a situation like this, it will appear as if you don't display the level of reason that you claim to have as you have to defend your views. Of course we are talking about reason and religion which doesn't always mix, but in a situation like this it is much better to defeat them on the basis of their own religious views.

Now you grew up in this Church so you are probably WAY more familiar with the details of Mormonism. But come time to defend yourself, I suggest you know and research your positions very clearly so you have a strong foundation for your thoughts. Know this phrase: God is in the details. If you know exactly WHAT bothers you about the RELIGION (don't bring up people's actions around you - people are hypocrites my friend), WHY it bothers you, and WHY it is not possible to reconcile your beliefs with the religion...you will get a lot more respect and a lot less bickering from the people. Make sure that you are picking on valid points (and not some of the things that were discussed earlier, because again, people are often hippocrites or mis interpret things) that can be defended so they are stuck making incoherent arguments (Which only helps you).

People in any religious tradition generally don't know the details of history or beliefs and if you come and hit them hard with lots of information and a good backing...they will be at a loss for words :D

Good luck!
 

BurnItDwn

Lifer
Oct 10, 1999
26,165
1,637
126
You should put on a yam aka and then tell your mom you are going to the synagogue. Maybe she'll think your Jewish. Then, if she gives you a hard time, complain that she is discriminating against a minority.

Or, you could just tell her that you do not share her beliefs and that you do not wish to remain a member of her church. It'll probably piss her off, and she'll probably ground you or something, but in the long run, she'll probably appreciate you being honest with her instead of trying to hide it from her.
 

meltdown75

Lifer
Nov 17, 2004
37,548
7
81
Originally posted by: GagHalfrunt
Originally posted by: meltdown75
Originally posted by: GagHalfrunt
Originally posted by: biggestmuff
Yep, you're 16. You know it all.

16 is plenty old enough to stop believing in fairy tales.
does your appetite for trolling know no limits? you're a sad person.

ROFL. Still so wrapped up in your own fairy tales that anyone who doesn't share your self-loathing makes you feel even worse. This is a thread started by somebody who has grown enough of a brain to start to question things. Those of you still deeply committed to the lies have no place here.
For the twentieth time, I'M NOT RELIGIOUS. I don't even go to church you f*ckin pylon.
 

ICRS

Banned
Apr 20, 2008
1,328
0
0
You are on the right path to finally rid your self of these "god delusions". I suggest you read books by Dawkins and Hitchens.
 

smitbret

Diamond Member
Jul 27, 2006
3,382
17
81
Originally posted by: Psynaut
Originally posted by: evident
don't mean to thread-jack, but what is it like being brought up in a LDS family?

Same as alot of religions and cults too, for that matter. you are brainwashed from birth with utterly rediculous ideas, and taught to believe that you have the one truth and everyone else is lost. Mormons love to help others, but beneath this generosity is a really arrogant sense of moral superiority. They believe there are 9 levels of heaven and only Mormons go to the highest three levels.

They have beliefs that are bigoted towards blacks and repressive towards women. Women can only get into heaven through their husbands, and black people are the spirits who didn't pick a side during the battle in heaven between Jesus and Satan.

They don't drink coffee or tea because it has caffiene, but eat chocolate and drink soda like it was required to support life. And oh ya, that South park stuff really is how the religion started... Nutty stuff!

LMFAO!!!! I hope you're joking, cuz you're WAY OFF!
 

child of wonder

Diamond Member
Aug 31, 2006
8,307
176
106
Originally posted by: zinfamous

newsflash: Mormons are Christians, whether or not you like it.

No, they're not. The LDS church would like people to believe that, but it's not true.

Christianity and LDS share the fact that Jesus Christ is their main target of adoration but that's about it.

To the OP -- my wife was raised Mormon and left the church when she was 19 or so. Maybe she might be kind enough to come on here and post some advice, however she didn't leave the church while living at home nor in Utah.
 

Oceandevi

Diamond Member
Jan 20, 2006
3,085
1
0
Originally posted by: Blurring
Really? Advising him to hide his problems for years to avoid a 'massive family disrupt'? I think the best option would be to tell his family in a straight forward and mature way, which he sounds capable of doing. If his parents aren't mature enough to understand their kids can have different opinions than them...nothing he can do about that.

I don't see an advantage to hiding his feelings on religion from his parents...what do you think they would prefer? To find out later their kid didn't believe as they did and lied to them for years about it, or for him to initiate a discussion about it early on?

what if they put him in the basement and feed him rats until he repents!!! what then!

hey non mormon guy, just realize that you grew up in one of the weirdest little cult schemes around. you are lucky to be sane. you should get a job and work on sunday. or move to california.