Telling my parents I no longer want to be a part of their church

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TehMac

Diamond Member
Aug 18, 2006
9,976
3
71
Originally posted by: Kalvin00
Ignore these people telling you to just stick with it.

You need to speak out and stand up for rationality. How will we ever rid society of this worthless thing we know as religion if people will not stand up when they reach the age of reason?

That doesn't sound so rational, does it now? :roll:
 

daniel1113

Diamond Member
Jun 6, 2003
6,448
0
0
Originally posted by: TehMac
Originally posted by: Kalvin00
Ignore these people telling you to just stick with it.

You need to speak out and stand up for rationality. How will we ever rid society of this worthless thing we know as religion if people will not stand up when they reach the age of reason?

That doesn't sound so rational, does it now? :roll:

What's irrational about speaking out against the lies and bullshit that have permeated through human societies for thousands of years?
 

glenn beck

Platinum Member
Oct 6, 2004
2,380
0
0
OP I grew up Mormon too...the thing that got me was my parents making me go up and bear my testimony and say the same thing every other kid would say, "I know this church is true and I know Joseph Smith was our prophet" it was to the point if you said it enough you were forced to believe it, and then there was the whole Baptism for the dead, I kept on wondering why are we doing this, for example why would a Jew in heaven want to be baptised to be Mormon when he was already in heaven???? It wasn't till I was older and actually sat down and read the New Testament by itself aside from the Book Of Mormon, things started to make more sense to me outside of the LDS church and I saw more of what a blind faith it was, too many verses in the New Testament just shut down the Book Of Mormons teachings.


Now I know this is obviously the wrong forum to talk rationally about God, but please don't let the Mormon church turn you belief away from God, everybody who lives through an adult age will have there faith tested some will move on without God some will have the vail lifted from their eyes to see the importance of God in your life.
 

Acanthus

Lifer
Aug 28, 2001
19,915
2
76
ostif.org
Originally posted by: RichardE
Eat it until you hit 18, move away to college and than blame the outside world on it.


Or cause a massive family disrupt so you can assert your independence early in life. One of the big things you find out when you grow up, and usually only as a result of doing the first action, is holding your tongue and your thoughts for a while is not a bad thing.

This is actually very sound advice.

Id just go with it until you move out, and you wont have a "religious intervention" or long conversations with a minister about your "poor decision".
 

TehMac

Diamond Member
Aug 18, 2006
9,976
3
71
Originally posted by: daniel1113
What's irrational about speaking out against the lies and bullshit that have permeated through human societies for thousands of years?

Logically speaking, there's nothing wrong with that; however, there is something wrong with presenting view points contrary to yours as unanimously all in the same league and all in the same degree of deprivation.
 

Calculator83

Banned
Nov 26, 2007
890
0
0
Originally posted by: LessThanDan
Originally posted by: dbk
I think you should just suck it up until you go to college. Tell your parents when you're older because they probably will take this as a teenager rebelling.

That's partly what I've been thinking. Once I graduate from high school, I could move out and rent a small place with some roommates (even though the University of Utah is only like a 10 minute drive from my house, in which most people would ideally live at home during college).

Originally posted by: biggestmuff
Yep, you're 16. You know it all.

Oops, I forgot. I'm only 16 and therefore I have nothing intelligent to say. My bad.

It's true. No one can say for sure, but you have way too little life experience to handle the various seemingly insignificant situations.

 

Penth

Senior member
Mar 9, 2004
933
0
0
Originally posted by: LessThanDan

First of all, please realize that you just illustrated one of my pet peeves. It's one of those stupid stereotypes that are forced upon a lot of us: "It's rap music, so it must be bad for you. You should stay away from it because it talks about horrible things and degrading things that will give you bad ideas, because, you know, it's rap music".

It works kind of the same way as: "That person drinks alcohol, he must be bad. He's obviously made some poor decisions in life, because, you know, he drinks alcohol and he probably watches lots of porn and goes to strip clubs too."

I am not implying that I love to listen to rap and that I want to give into all my sexual urges. It's just the principle of how it's being presented to us. Also, don't think that it's only because of tight, far-reaching moral standards that I want to leave the church. When I said that there were things that bothered me, that includes some of the church's doctrine as well.

I won't go into huge detail on doctrine, but what Psynaut's sentence really hit the nail on the head.

Originally posted by: Psynaut
Mormons love to help others, but beneath this generosity is a really arrogant sense of moral superiority.

First of all, I'm not going to blame only mormonism for this "I'm better than you" mindset. In fact, I believe that part of Christianity at it's core is based on discrimination. "You're not Christian, so you're going to hell". Granted, the LDS church is a lot more discreet about this, so it's more like: "Mormons who remain true will go to this kingdom in the afterlife, and other people who have never learned the "true" gospel or who have never been a part of the church go to this place instead, and they have to go through this phase in the afterlife before they eventually get to this kingdom, and we must do baptisms for them if they hadn't already had a baptism in their mortal life, etc, etc etc".

What a lot of this basically leads to: The people, the members are one of the main reasons why I don't like the church. First of all, it's true that they are extremely nice and helpful people. But, they're kind of two faced, because I know that underneath everything - just like Psynaut said - they have that mindset which has their heads shoved so far up their proverbial ass.

Now imagine being surrounded by this type of people every sunday, and even everyday at school. See what I mean? These are one or two things that make me so bothered/uncomfortable. Ever seen "I Am Legend" or "The Invasion"? I feel like the protagonist in either one of those films.

Psynaut also mentioned about the church being repressive toward women... which I agree with. When the men somehow have this huge, important priesthood power, and the women are not allowed to be anywhere near that level, it just seems like we're embracing obsolete moral values.

I guess the problem you have, and I would too if it had been presented to me the way it sounds like it is to you, is that things seem to be forced on you. I knew the gospel principles and I followed it as well as I could, but I wasn't really forced into things. I listened to a lot of rap in high school and I still listen to some. I'm not trying to preach to you or convince you not to listen to it. If you want to listen to it, I say go for it. But rap is bad. When I hear some of the stuff that they say in those songs I even find it funny or clever or entertaining and I'll laugh at it, but there is no doubt in my mind that it promotes negative thoughts and stereotypes. So I don't listen to it often at all.

But in listening to rap if you can't agree that a high percentage of it is very negative in content and just bad for you then I think it's really more about just not wanting to make a judgement about things being right and wrong. There is a lot of that attitute in the world today. It's part of being politically correct I think. Nothing is wrong or evil anymore. It's just different the Christians have oppressed us with for thousands of years.

I'm not like an up-tight mormon who judges everyone like you seem to think all mormons are and do. In high school none of my best friends were mormon. I didn't really care to hang out too often with the clique of popular mormons either. I saw a lot of the judgments they passed on people and it bugged me. I tried to have an attitute to not judge people so much. But years later I see that they turned out to be really good people and they were back then too, and that sometimes it is necessary to make judgements.

Same thing with alcohol and porn and strip clubs. If you really think that any of those things are good for you or even not bad for you then like I said above, I think it's more that you're just choosing to not make a judgement on anything.

From your post I still seem to think that those are the real reasons you want to leave and not the other doctrines that you vaguely refer to. If the other doctrines were the real reason you want to leave then I think the discussion would be about those and not the strength of youth pamphlet.

I like how everyone ascribes to mormons that along with mormons being extremely helpful and kind people that they are also stuckup assholes for being willing to help because they think there is a reason bigger than themselves that they should help. How dare he help me, he must think he is laying up rewards in heaven. Is it also true the other way, like that guy is a real asshole and he's never nice or willing to help anyone, but I'm sure he's just as humble as they come?

And what about men having this huge Priesthood power is repressive to women? What can you do with the Priesthood that makes you better? The Priesthood is used to serve other people. It doesn't really do too much for the person holding it. And I don't think you meant moral values, maybe societal values?

Last thing about mormons who think they're going to heaven and everyone else is going to hell. First I think pretty much every church thinks this and should. If they don't think they've got the teachings and authority to make a difference in where you go after this life then I don't see the point. I'd just go with the "no church and I'll be a good person."

Having said that, I don't see what problem a non-mormon would have with the mormon's interpretation of the after life. It is like the best deal going. Faithful (read not all) mormons go to our interpretation of Heaven, good and honest people go to basically what everyone elses interpretation of heaven is, and really bad people go to someplace that is still better than this world. If I was a non-believer I would hope it was like that more than the heaven/hell that most churches belive in.

Plus, as much as people criticize baptisms for the dead and other ordinances it is part of what makes the church so fair. We believe everyone will get a chance to hear the gospel and accept the ordinances. There's no inequality in it. By some churches beliefs if you don't hear the word and join and be faithful then you're SOL. That seems pretty unfair. If you died jewish and never heard about the LDS church, we say you'll get a chance to hear it and choose to accept it. If you don't want it, that's your call, but you had the option. Point me to another church that has such a fair method for dealing with everyone who has ever lived and also where even people who don't believe or follow receive such a reward.
 
Oct 25, 2006
11,036
11
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Originally posted by: Calculator83
Originally posted by: LessThanDan
Originally posted by: dbk
I think you should just suck it up until you go to college. Tell your parents when you're older because they probably will take this as a teenager rebelling.

That's partly what I've been thinking. Once I graduate from high school, I could move out and rent a small place with some roommates (even though the University of Utah is only like a 10 minute drive from my house, in which most people would ideally live at home during college).

Originally posted by: biggestmuff
Yep, you're 16. You know it all.

Oops, I forgot. I'm only 16 and therefore I have nothing intelligent to say. My bad.

It's true. No one can say for sure, but you have way too little life experience to handle the various seemingly insignificant situations.

Yeah. Like, you know, choosing that you don't want to follow the religion of your parents because you observe things that turn you off from it? Yeah.
 

miketheidiot

Lifer
Sep 3, 2004
11,060
1
0
Originally posted by: RichardE
Eat it until you hit 18, move away to college and than blame the outside world on it.


Or cause a massive family disrupt so you can assert your independence early in life. One of the big things you find out when you grow up, and usually only as a result of doing the first action, is holding your tongue and your thoughts for a while is not a bad thing.



Originally posted by: dbk
I think you should just suck it up until you go to college. Tell your parents when you're older because they probably will take this as a teenager rebelling.

/thread

<--- closet ex-catholic, at least to my family
 

miketheidiot

Lifer
Sep 3, 2004
11,060
1
0
Originally posted by: LessThanDan
Originally posted by: dbk
I think you should just suck it up until you go to college. Tell your parents when you're older because they probably will take this as a teenager rebelling.

That's partly what I've been thinking. Once I graduate from high school, I could move out and rent a small place with some roommates (even though the University of Utah is only like a 10 minute drive from my house, in which most people would ideally live at home during college).

say what?:confused:
 

Penth

Senior member
Mar 9, 2004
933
0
0
Originally posted by: miketheidiot
Originally posted by: LessThanDan
Originally posted by: dbk
I think you should just suck it up until you go to college. Tell your parents when you're older because they probably will take this as a teenager rebelling.

That's partly what I've been thinking. Once I graduate from high school, I could move out and rent a small place with some roommates (even though the University of Utah is only like a 10 minute drive from my house, [n]in which most people would ideally live at home during college).[/n]

say what?:confused:

I think he's saying that when he goes to college he'll rent a place with roommates so he can leave the church instead of staying home and driving 10 minutes to school where he would still have to go to church.
 

miketheidiot

Lifer
Sep 3, 2004
11,060
1
0
Originally posted by: Penth
Originally posted by: miketheidiot
Originally posted by: LessThanDan
Originally posted by: dbk
I think you should just suck it up until you go to college. Tell your parents when you're older because they probably will take this as a teenager rebelling.

That's partly what I've been thinking. Once I graduate from high school, I could move out and rent a small place with some roommates (even though the University of Utah is only like a 10 minute drive from my house, [n]in which most people would ideally live at home during college).[/n]

say what?:confused:

I think he's saying that when he goes to college he'll rent a place with roommates so he can leave the church instead of staying home and driving 10 minutes to school where he would still have to go to church.

i got that part, however i mis-bolded that part of concern
 

Penth

Senior member
Mar 9, 2004
933
0
0
Oh, I didn't notice cuz it wasn't bold.. Maybe he means financially. Certainly not if he wants to have fun.
 

Dankk

Diamond Member
Jul 7, 2008
5,558
25
91
Originally posted by: Penth
Oh, I didn't notice cuz it wasn't bold.. Maybe he means financially. Certainly not if he wants to have fun.

Is living with your parents during college very unusual to you people? Most of the people I know do it. If you live in the same town I do, and you go to Weber State University or the University of Utah, then there's no point in moving a few miles closer to your school only to have to pay rent or food expenses or what-have-you. If the university you go to is only a 10 minute drive from your house, would you still move out?

Anyway, I appreciate people's suggestions so far. Also Penth, you bring up a lot of good points and I respect you for some of what you discussed. I don't think I would be able to point you to another church that judges and deals with everyone, members or not, in such a fair way as you said.
 

miketheidiot

Lifer
Sep 3, 2004
11,060
1
0
Originally posted by: LessThanDan
Originally posted by: Penth
Oh, I didn't notice cuz it wasn't bold.. Maybe he means financially. Certainly not if he wants to have fun.

Is living with your parents during college very unusual to you people? Most of the people I know do it. If you live in the same town I do, and you go to Weber State University or the University of Utah, then there's no point in moving a few miles closer to your school only to have to pay rent or food expenses or what-have-you. If the university you go to is only a 10 minute drive from your house, would you still move out?

Anyway, I appreciate people's suggestions so far. Also Penth, you bring up a lot of good points and I respect you for some of what you discussed. I don't think I would be able to point you to another church that judges and deals with everyone, members or not, in such a fair way as you said.

what kind of parents would let you live there still? Besides bad ones ofc.


If i were you i would be going to a school a ways away, i don't think you have much to gain by sticking around.
 

Penth

Senior member
Mar 9, 2004
933
0
0
Originally posted by: LessThanDan
Originally posted by: Penth
Oh, I didn't notice cuz it wasn't bold.. Maybe he means financially. Certainly not if he wants to have fun.

Is living with your parents during college very unusual to you people? Most of the people I know do it. If you live in the same town I do, and you go to Weber State University or the University of Utah, then there's no point in moving a few miles closer to your school only to have to pay rent or food expenses or what-have-you. If the university you go to is only a 10 minute drive from your house, would you still move out?

Anyway, I appreciate people's suggestions so far. Also Penth, you bring up a lot of good points and I respect you for some of what you discussed. I don't think I would be able to point you to another church that judges and deals with everyone, members or not, in such a fair way as you said.

Most people want to get away from their parents when they turn 18 and go to college. Utah is different. I don't think it's bad parents that let their kids live at home during college. If you finish college with a degree and no debt because you lived at home instead of a degree and 30-50k in debt because you moved out then your parents have helped you out quite a bit for the next 10 years when you're not paying off student loans.
 

AstroManLuca

Lifer
Jun 24, 2004
15,628
5
81
To all you idiots advocating that he remain silent until he's 18: shut up.

I do understand and agree with the "their house, their rules" thing. That makes sense. But your parents can't force you to go. Sure, if push comes to shove and they threaten to kick you out if you don't go to church with them, go along with it. But make it clear to them that you are not at all happy with it and couldn't care less about your stupid church.

When they want you to tithe, say no. Refuse to pay them anything and tell them that it's your choice. Again, if they absolutely demand it and force you to do so, you can always give in, but you should do so grudgingly.

Basically, make them understand that you are not willingly part of the church, and you will never be that way. What are you going to do, go through your whole life lying to your parents about this? That's BS. They should know, for their own sake and for yours.
 

Shadow Conception

Golden Member
Mar 19, 2006
1,539
1
81
The "too young to make such a decision" argument confuses me. Since when are you too young to stop believing in things that have no factual basis? Your personal beliefs are YOUR personal beliefs.

The way I see it, I will not believe in a God or religion unless some outstanding force moves me from my original standing.

OP may be fed and nurtured by his parents, but that does not stop him from having a mind of his own.
 

AstroManLuca

Lifer
Jun 24, 2004
15,628
5
81
One thing, though. To prove that you're not just bailing on church because you don't like getting up early on Sunday, you should do something else to make up for it. Do volunteer work on Sunday mornings. That way you're both occupying yourself with something wholesome on those days (not just sleeping in or playing video games or whatever) and at the same time you're doing your own form of tithing (instead of paying money to a cult that will use it to further brainwash more people like your friends, you are providing your own time, free of charge, to people in your community).
 

Evander

Golden Member
Jun 18, 2001
1,159
0
76
Tell her in a non-confrontational manner that you're not going to church anymore. If the shit hits the fan and it's clear the situation will not resolve itself, you should move out. Move to a city where you don't need a car. You probably don't have the money to buy one and even if you did insuring it yourself as a teenager would be hella-expensive. Get a full time job and study for your GED instead of going to high school. You'll probably learn more that way, anyway. Certainly you'll learn more lessons on how the real world works by managing you're own life, and you'll be exposed to many new people and many new ideas instead of being stuck in Mormonsville. If a 1 bedroom studio apartment is too expensive for you, consider moving into a place with maybe 3 roommates with your own room- that'll cut down costs quite a bit.
During the next 2 - 3 years, do your damn best at your job (no matter what it is) and prove that you are worthy of taking on extra responsibilities. But always keep your eyes open for something better. If it becomes clear that your boss is too much of a dullard who shouldn't even be running the place (one of those life lessons I was talking about) and your job won't lead anywhere, move on to something else as soon as the opportunity arises (if you were keeping your eyes open like I said, and working as hard as I said, it probably won't be too long before opportunity strikes).
Be smart and save your money. A few years down the road (probably should not and absolutely does NOT have to be when you hit 18), if you think it's best to get a 2 year degree or something, go for it. But always keep your eyes open and look for opportunities. As Louis Pasteur said, ?Chance favors the prepared mind?. Do not allow yourself to be put on a conveyor belt towards someone else's idea of a future or education or belief system. It will be your biggest regret in life.

Most atechers will tell you to suck it up and just hit college at 18 w/o thinking about anything else (and have mommy pay to support you- support you may not want or need, and which may be used against you as guilt in the future). You seem like a pretty smart guy- just wanted to give you an alternative. This country is stuck on a conveyor belt mentality and I'm sorry to say I didn't consider my options when I was a teen, but when/if I have kids of my own I'll make sure they'll make they can make their own decisions independently.

Seriously, give moving out some thought. Of course factor in other things such as how well you like school now, your friends, what you think of Utah and the people who live there. You probably feel like this religious confrontation is the worst burden of your life right now but it may turn out to be the turning point of your life. And if you really wanted to go to college so badly, hurry up and get that GED and start community college at 17. It's easy to get into, not expensive, and you can transfer your "cheap" credits to a better school after attending for 1 year (or whatever). And with community college experience under your belt, you'd have a much better chance at getting into the school of your choice than if you were just a high school graduate.

With this plan you can move somewhere better (or at least different), start earning money, get life experience, give yourself plenty of options for education, and possibly move up to a good paying job w/o any higher education all by the time you hit 19. You're pretty well covered. Sounds better than doing what mom says for the next 2 years, am I right?
 

ebaycj

Diamond Member
Mar 9, 2002
5,418
0
0
Originally posted by: wwswimming
if you're 16, that means in a few years you're going to be one
of those ultra-annoying young Muslim, i mean Mormon, guys
walking around wearing white shirts & a tie ?

i think you need to consider your future. for example, in
10 years, you could need help buying a house or something.
i'd be real careful about disappointing them.

one option is to find someone your own age who feels the
same way, and do your "missionary" work together. then
go to France or Bali & party like hell.

This is a FANTASTIC idea.