- Apr 23, 2001
- 10,572
- 0
- 71
I'm not about to search through Brutus's posts to see if he's posted any of these 
Enjoy
A woman stood in front of her mirror, naked. She said to her husband, "I'm fat, wrinkled, and ugly. It's depressing. Please say something to make me feel better."
-He replied, "Your eyesight is perfect."
A man told his doctor that his wife hadn't had sex with him in seven months. The doctor told the man to bring his wife in for a private talk. When the wife arrived, the doctor asked about her private parts.
-"Well, doc," she replied, "the truth is that I have to take a cab to work everymorning, and the driver always asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' We don't have much money, so I always give him an 'or what.' That always makes me late for work, and my boss asks me, 'So are we going to dock your pay or what?' and I always give him the 'or what.' By the time I get home, I don't feel like having sex anymore."
-"Hmm," the doctor said. "I see. So are we going to tell your husband about your problem or what?"
An old woman went to the doctor and complained that she was farting all the time. She said, "You can't smell them, or hear them, but they're a real pain in the ass. I've let off 3 of them since you came in." So the doctor gave her some medicine, and told her to come back in a couple of weeks. When she came back she said to the doctor, "Doctor, that medicine didn't do a damn bit of good. I still fart as much as ever, but now they smell terrible." To which the doctor says, "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, let's see if we can do something about your hearing."
And lastly, my favorite...
A man walks into a bar with a crocodile on a leash, he walks to the bar and asks for a bottle of beer, after hes done drinking he stands up on the table and shouts "could i have everyones attension, Im about to do a feat of endurance" after his he jumps down and unzips his trousers and sticks his penis into the mouth of the crocodile and lets it bite down, he doesnt seem to be in pain as everyone in the bar gasps. after a while he smacks the crocodile on the head and it lets go he shouts again "If anyone can do that i will pay them $500" a blonde women at the back stands up and says "ok as long as you dont hit me on the head with a bottle"
Enjoy
A woman stood in front of her mirror, naked. She said to her husband, "I'm fat, wrinkled, and ugly. It's depressing. Please say something to make me feel better."
-He replied, "Your eyesight is perfect."
A man told his doctor that his wife hadn't had sex with him in seven months. The doctor told the man to bring his wife in for a private talk. When the wife arrived, the doctor asked about her private parts.
-"Well, doc," she replied, "the truth is that I have to take a cab to work everymorning, and the driver always asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' We don't have much money, so I always give him an 'or what.' That always makes me late for work, and my boss asks me, 'So are we going to dock your pay or what?' and I always give him the 'or what.' By the time I get home, I don't feel like having sex anymore."
-"Hmm," the doctor said. "I see. So are we going to tell your husband about your problem or what?"
An old woman went to the doctor and complained that she was farting all the time. She said, "You can't smell them, or hear them, but they're a real pain in the ass. I've let off 3 of them since you came in." So the doctor gave her some medicine, and told her to come back in a couple of weeks. When she came back she said to the doctor, "Doctor, that medicine didn't do a damn bit of good. I still fart as much as ever, but now they smell terrible." To which the doctor says, "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, let's see if we can do something about your hearing."
And lastly, my favorite...
A man walks into a bar with a crocodile on a leash, he walks to the bar and asks for a bottle of beer, after hes done drinking he stands up on the table and shouts "could i have everyones attension, Im about to do a feat of endurance" after his he jumps down and unzips his trousers and sticks his penis into the mouth of the crocodile and lets it bite down, he doesnt seem to be in pain as everyone in the bar gasps. after a while he smacks the crocodile on the head and it lets go he shouts again "If anyone can do that i will pay them $500" a blonde women at the back stands up and says "ok as long as you dont hit me on the head with a bottle"
Facebook
Twitter