talking to people

[pontifex]

i went to lunch with a few people today. one of the guys was teasing the waitress (he know her) and he says to me that you gotta open up and talk to people to meet people.

i'm just thinking well yes, that makes sense. but my problem is i don't know what to say to anyone, even the people i had lunch with. i don't really know them that well, and i don't know what to talk about. i have nothing to talk about that anyone would be interested in, so i just tend to keep my mouth shut.

how do you talk to people if you have nothing to say to them?

 

[Platypus]

Originally posted by: pontifex
i went to lunch with a few people today. one of the guys was teasing the waitress (he know her) and he says to me that you gotta open up and talk to people to meet people.

i'm just thinking well yes, that makes sense. but my problem is i don't know what to say to anyone, even the people i had lunch with. i don't really know them that well, and i don't know what to talk about. i have nothing to talk about that anyone would be interested in, so i just tend to keep my mouth shut.

how do you talk to people if you have nothing to say to them?

It's hard to explain something that just comes naturally sometimes.. there's always generic topics like weather, sports. Something as simple as asking how the waitress's day is going is a good conversation starter. I've never really been in a situation where I haven't been able to have a good conversation, even with people I don't even like.. one of my weird 'talents' I guess.

 

[rivan]

I have an incredibly difficult time making small talk as well. I actually just walked through the drive through ATM at my bank (the pedestrian one was broken) just to avoid walking in and making small talk with a teller.

The up side? It gets easier once you get to know the people. Ask them stuff about themselves - start with what they did over the weekend and keep asking questions, even if you're not interested. Most people love talking about themselves.

 

[NuclearNed]

I'm kind of a quiet person too. The older I get, the more I am comfortable with myself being the way I am. Generally, if I think something important needs to be said, I'll say it without hesitation. Otherwise, its really not such a bad deal. I think so many conversations are inane anyway, so I choose to not participate. Sure, some people are uncomfortable around me, but they are the ones with the incessant need to babble, not me.

Quiet is very very underrated.

 

[MichaelD]

For an introverted person like yourself, you're already doing the best first step; you're going out with a group.

When the other people are talking about CNN or the big game or movies, just chime in with "yeah, I liked that movie! The special effects were awesome!" or something like that.

If those people are worth anything, they'll already know that you're a quiet person and they'll encourage you to speak up.

"Yeah man, I was wondering if you were listening!" <--or other "chiding" phrases like that

I go out to business lunches all the time with my coworkers; it's healthy for everyone to speak and it's good manners for the fat-mouths (like me) to let others speak too.

 

[darkswordsman17]

Its not too difficult to talk to anyone, you just need to find something you can both talk about. Just ask kinda really open stuff, like do they like sports, maybe talk about movies or music, or just stuff like that.

 

[rivan]

Originally posted by: NuclearNed
I'm kind of a quiet person too. The older I get, the more I am comfortable with myself being the way I am. Generally, if I think something important needs to be said, I'll say it without hesitation. Otherwise, its really not such a bad deal. I think so many conversations are inane anyway, so I choose to not participate. Sure, some people are uncomfortable around me, but they are the ones with the incessant need to babble, not me.

Quiet is very very underrated.

Quoted for truth and bolded for emphasis.

 

[jtvang125]

Originally posted by: pontifex
i went to lunch with a few people today. one of the guys was teasing the waitress (he know her) and he says to me that you gotta open up and talk to people to meet people.

i'm just thinking well yes, that makes sense. but my problem is i don't know what to say to anyone, even the people i had lunch with. i don't really know them that well, and i don't know what to talk about. i have nothing to talk about that anyone would be interested in, so i just tend to keep my mouth shut.

how do you talk to people if you have nothing to say to them?

I'm like that as well. I find it hard to initiate a conversation with a stranger or someone I don't know very well. I mean yea you can ask them how's their day or how are they doing but most people just seem to respond they're good. Not much of a respond there to really continue anything.

My coworker on the other hand can talk forever and about whatever

 

[Kev]

one of my favorite lines to say to waitresses:

"Come here often?"

 

[GeneValgene]

just ask questions about them...and let them do the talking
the more they talk, the more comfortable you'll become with them

 

[Electric Amish]

I'm the same way. I don't care enough about anyone to actually ask them anything and be bothered to listen to the response.

The result is I have few friends and many people are uncomfortable around me....but most likely not as uncomfortable as I am around them.

 

[R Nilla]

Originally posted by: rivan

Originally posted by: NuclearNed
I'm kind of a quiet person too. The older I get, the more I am comfortable with myself being the way I am. Generally, if I think something important needs to be said, I'll say it without hesitation. Otherwise, its really not such a bad deal. I think so many conversations are inane anyway, so I choose to not participate. Sure, some people are uncomfortable around me, but they are the ones with the incessant need to babble, not me.

Quiet is very very underrated.

Quoted for truth and bolded for emphasis.

:thumbsup: agreed.

 

[GeneValgene]

dude...what kind of jobs do y'all have?

don't you have lunch with coworkers/clients on a regular basis?

 

[Electric Amish]

Originally posted by: GeneValgene
dude...what kind of jobs do y'all have?

don't you have lunch with coworkers/clients on a regular basis?

No. I eat in my car...or at my desk.

 

[palswim]

Seriously, watch (American) football (if you want to have better conversations with dudes, at least). Even if you "don't like sports" - pick your local team, watch them from time to time and keep up to date on how they're doing. There's always someone who wants to talk about football. I don't advise obsession or anything, but being knowledgeable about the local team's last game is worth at least 10 minutes. Or follow a (global) football team if you live somewhere besides the USA.

As for conversation with ladies, asking about their lives is a good place to start. But don't delve too far beyond the surface too quickly or you'll enter creepy-zone in a flash.

 

[panipoori]

I'm in the same boat as you, sometimes I just like to listen to other people speak.. and whenever i feel like saying something I think about weather to say it over and over in my mind lol..

 

[Electric Amish]

Originally posted by: panipoori
I'm in the same boat as you, sometimes I just like to listen to other people speak.. and whenever i feel like saying something I think about weather to say it over and over in my mind lol..

Yup...and by the time you decide to say it the topic has passed.

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: GeneValgene
dude...what kind of jobs do y'all have?

don't you have lunch with coworkers/clients on a regular basis?

i used to eat in my car all the time. now i go out once in awhile. it seems the office women invite me to lunch more than the guys though.

now i tend to eat lunch in the break room with a few of the office women and we do the daily crossword puzzle from the paper together, lol.


most of the women are older and could be at least my mother. 2 of them are pretty decent looking for older women. one is probably close to my age and i think she's pretty cute but she has a bf, a kid, and smokes.

there's another girl who is 22 and is really cute but she seems like a party girl type and that kinda turns me off.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: pontifex
i went to lunch with a few people today. one of the guys was teasing the waitress (he know her) and he says to me that you gotta open up and talk to people to meet people.

i'm just thinking well yes, that makes sense. but my problem is i don't know what to say to anyone, even the people i had lunch with. i don't really know them that well, and i don't know what to talk about. i have nothing to talk about that anyone would be interested in, so i just tend to keep my mouth shut.

how do you talk to people if you have nothing to say to them?

beer helps.

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: pontifex
i went to lunch with a few people today. one of the guys was teasing the waitress (he know her) and he says to me that you gotta open up and talk to people to meet people.

i'm just thinking well yes, that makes sense. but my problem is i don't know what to say to anyone, even the people i had lunch with. i don't really know them that well, and i don't know what to talk about. i have nothing to talk about that anyone would be interested in, so i just tend to keep my mouth shut.

how do you talk to people if you have nothing to say to them?

beer helps.

i have alcohol like maybe twice a year and then its only like a bottle or 2

 

[rivan]

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: GeneValgene
dude...what kind of jobs do y'all have?

don't you have lunch with coworkers/clients on a regular basis?

i used to eat in my car all the time. now i go out once in awhile. it seems the office women invite me to lunch more than the guys though.

now i tend to eat lunch in the break room with a few of the office women and we do the daily crossword puzzle from the paper together, lol.


most of the women are older and could be at least my mother. 2 of them are pretty decent looking for older women. one is probably close to my age and i think she's pretty cute but she has a bf, a kid, and smokes.

there's another girl who is 22 and is really cute but she seems like a party girl type and that kinda turns me off.

First and foremost: remove any thought of dating anyone you work with from your mind - cute or not.

Aside from that, none of this should bother you unless you want it to. If you feel the need to make more friends, then find people who share your interests - be it model cars, exotic teas, martial arts... whatever. Once you've got something in common with people, it's much easier to start conversations. If you're after better relationships at work, again, just try asking stuff about them. The vast majority of people really do like droning on about themselves.