Stupidest Tech Questions You've Ever Been Asked

[JTsyo]

"Your sister deleted the internet."

Luckily I was able to save the Internet by restoring the IE shortcut from the recycling bin. You're all welcome.

 

[moonbogg]

Most common solution to a slow PC is still "It probably needs more memory"

 

[mvbighead]

While I wasn't asked a question, this was probably the stupidest thing I have ever seen done...

While working at a local computer shop, an older couple brought in their computer for service. It sat on the shelf a day or two, as we worked the queue. Threw it up on the bench, booted it up, and came back to the most disgusting desktop wallpaper I have ever seen.

Couple was likely in their 60s, perhaps 70s. Desktop wallpaper was a shot taken by the husband down towards his genitals. The wife was also in the picture, as she happened to be performing something on him at the time of the picture. And yet, there it sat, proudly on display as the wallpaper. I didn't know what to say. We fixed what needed fixing, and they came in and picked it up. Either they had no qualms about what was there, or they didn't realize they left it up there. I dunno, but we were very fortunate, at the time, to have concealed our work area from customer viewing.

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

My mother is good for asking stupid tech questions.

A recent one: "Why won't these charge?" indicating her MP3 player and GS2 plugged into the USB ports of a closed, turned-off, unplugged laptop.

That's not really a stupid question for folks who don't know about laptops. Those things recharge in the car just fine when the car is turned off.

 

[fjmeat]

And people who double-click EVERYTHING. Fucking stop that.

still LOLing at this. very annoying.

 

[xSkyDrAx]

While I wasn't asked a question, this was probably the stupidest thing I have ever seen done...

While working at a local computer shop, an older couple brought in their computer for service. It sat on the shelf a day or two, as we worked the queue. Threw it up on the bench, booted it up, and came back to the most disgusting desktop wallpaper I have ever seen.

Couple was likely in their 60s, perhaps 70s. Desktop wallpaper was a shot taken by the husband down towards his genitals. The wife was also in the picture, as she happened to be performing something on him at the time of the picture. And yet, there it sat, proudly on display as the wallpaper. I didn't know what to say. We fixed what needed fixing, and they came in and picked it up. Either they had no qualms about what was there, or they didn't realize they left it up there. I dunno, but we were very fortunate, at the time, to have concealed our work area from customer viewing.

D:

 

[MotionMan]

In an elevator, door opens
Guy standing outside
Guy: "going up?"
Me: /points to elevator direction indicator to the side

I work on the top floor of our building. I have this happen at least twice a year, so, now I have a canned responses chambered for just such occasions:

The elevator doors open;
I get on and push a floor button;
Someone calls for me to hold the elevator as I hear the pitter-patter of feet;
I stop the closing doors:
The person appears in the doorway and asks, "Going up?"
"Not without a can opener." I smile.

I am not sure why people on the top floor would be looking to go up, or if this is some sort of "running for the elevator" brain freeze, but this has been going on for over 8 years!

MotionMan

 

[MotionMan]

Not a tech one, but a friend of mine who worked on cruise ships said the number 1 question people asked her was "what time's the midnight buffet"?

On a cruise I was on the "Midnight Buffet" opened at 11:30 p.m.

On another, it was 11:00 p.m.

MotionMan

 

[MotionMan]

what's right click?

Even after explaining that "click" means "left click" and "right click" means "right click", people who need that explained always seem to ask, after being told to "click",

"Left click or right click"?

Oy.

MotionMan

 

[MotionMan]

People who don't understand the entire point of Windows, for some what, almost 30 years now, is that you can run multiple applications. The number of people who close out of a program to access another one, only to turn around and open the original is painful to the noggin'.

In Excel
Exit Excel
Open Calculator, make calculation
Close Calculator
Open Excel back up

I've seen this happen in financial sector businesses.

And people who double-click EVERYTHING. Fucking stop that.

I think everyone else in my office does both of these. I may have to eliminate them all.

MotionMan

 

[MotionMan]

Ever have someone Google a URL you give them?

"Go to www.checkthisout.com"

::Googles webiste::

"I can't find it?"

"What do you mean you can't find it, just type the website in and hit enter!"

"there's a whole list..."

Found I can get around that by telling them to hit F6 before typing anything into a browser.

My 81-year old uncle recently sent an e-mail to our entire family regarding a family tree he found online that included some of our family. His instructions on how to get to the tree began with:

"Search on Google.com or AOL.com for 'ancestry.com'."

When I read that, I died a little.

MotionMan

 

[MotionMan]

tangent: i have to use word perfect for work a lot. it does delete things that i've typed. all by itself, without being told to.

Me, too.

Drives me crazy.

MotionMan

 

[Ns1]

Me, too.

Drives me crazy.

MotionMan

You know what else drives me crazy? Posting 6x in a row in the same thread =P

postcount++


(realization: holy shit I've been here OVER a decade now O_O)

 

[MotionMan]

You know what else drives me crazy? Posting 6x in a row in the same thread =P

postcount++


(realization: holy shit I've been here OVER a decade now O_O)

I just came into the thread, started reading at the beginning and responded to the posts in order.

Is that really a problem for you?

Should I just post once and wait until someone else posts before I post again?

MotionMan

 

[Maximilian]

Its not so much a stupid question but its just so common "I thought you fixed this, why is it so slow?" and its some garbage web page they're trying to access.

I just shrug my shoulders and give an "i ono" answer now, cant be bothered to explain the difference between the computer and the net and even if they were running IBM bluebastard supercomputer it wont load your shitty pets flowers and general BS website any faster :\ Pick a better website!

 

[MotionMan]

"what is a browser?"

I get that all the time. I stopped saying browser I just tell people to go to Google.

Sadly, this is so true.

MotionMan

 

[Ns1]

I just came into the thread, started reading at the beginning and responded to the posts in order.

Is that really a problem for you?

Should I just post once and wait until someone else posts before I post again?

MotionMan

It doesn't bother me, I'm just jostlin' yah. But to answer the bolded...

 

[MotionMan]

There was a time many years ago (1997?) when I only had a laptop and I would plug a monitor, keyboard and mouse (no docking station) into it on my desk at home. I would take the laptop with me on business trips since my wife, at the time, very rarely used the computer and almost never used it without me present.

One day I got a call on my mobile phone when I was away at a meeting. My lovely bride says that the computer won't work. I pause, then I look down at my computer on the conference table and say "Looks fine to me."

She thought was the computer:

Sigh.

MotionMan

 

[PatrickBateman]

still LOLing at this. very annoying.

my boss does that...every so often.... he says his outlook wont open....task manager shows its trying to open at least 15 times

 

[mrkun]

Customer: "How do I run a query for deleted objects?"

 

[Harrod]

You know what else drives me crazy? Posting 6x in a row in the same thread =P

postcount++


(realization: holy shit I've been here OVER a decade now O_O)

For a moment I thought that I had set someone to ignore, then realized that I hadn't, then started to think that maybe this is some sort of inside joke that is going on.

 

[Mr. Pedantic]

my boss does that...every so often.... he says his outlook wont open....task manager shows its trying to open at least 15 times

Outlook does this sometimes, it just won't open. AFAIK the only solution is to reboot.

 

[DCal430]

People who insist on having their monitor resolution set to 800x600, when the monitor native resolution in higher, annoy me to no end.

 

[Mr. Pedantic]

People who insist on having their monitor resolution set to 800x600, when the monitor native resolution in higher, annoy me to no end.

At work, we have 1280x1024 resolution monitors, but the desktop is set to 1024x768. I changed it once, but when I got to work the next day the desktop was changed back, and I now no longer have access to the Display tab in the Properties menu. I have absolutely no idea why.

To be fair, I also no longer have access to the C: partition, or the command prompt, or Firefox. :\

 

[mikeymikec]

Not so much a "stupid tech question", but I'm surprised no-one has posted this already:

People who don't read message boxes or attach any importance to them.

"It then said something on the screen, I can't remember what it said..."

"Hmm, a message has popped up. I'll just click that X in the corner..."

Occasionally I can forgive them for it, for example the typical post-NT4 BSOD message with a lot of cut n' paste text with a tiny amount of useful information for troubleshooting the problem. I'm sure that it does happen that someone connects up a new piece of hardware and a BSOD results very soon after, but not anywhere as often as not.

Speaking of 800x600 - I visited a customer once, a father with an approx. 18-year-old son. 1280x1024 LCD running in 800x600. I change the setting, show the father and ask if that's ok, whether he can still read the text ok or whether he wants it a bit larger, and show him the difference when looking at web pages. He approves and very much appreciates me spotting that (the son is present and says nothing). The appointment goes on, and I recommend replacing their Internet Security product with plain free anti-virus as the former was slowing things down a huge amount. The father says ok, then his son goes off on one saying is he sure about this with a "it's your funeral" tone, and I'm thinking "you're the one who has been using a PC at such an obviously low resolution that it must have routinely slowed you down and looked crap for years, then suddenly you know more about computer security than the guy who does this for a living?".

Everyone in the computer industry must of heard the word perfect story but just in case someone hasn't

http://www.waynesthisandthat.com/response.htm

Amusing, but not a bright thing to do. The predictable result is that the customer complains that the person who answered their call was abusive and unhelpful and recounts a conveniently shortened version of the conversation.

The other semi-related customer peeve I have is that I explain why something went wrong. Yesterday it was a hard disk that's on its way out and covered by the laptop's warranty. I explain that there are various things that could cause a disk to die, personally I think that a lack of ventilation is one of them, especially if the laptop is used on a soft surface which blocks the cooling vents, but then adding that disks can start dying in many different ways and ages for different reasons, such as a sudden shock while the disk is running. I overheard the customer saying to their kid (18-25 y.o.) why it died: "It overheated". If she just wanted to give a quick answer, then "shit happens" is a heck of a lot more accurate! Although this situation might be more appropriately filed under "when parents want to blame their children for something going wrong because the child uses the item in a way that the parent doesn't approve".