Stupid People Should Have to Wear Signs --- pretty damn funny

Spooner

Lifer
Jan 16, 2000
12,025
1
76
Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid".
That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you?
You wouldn't ask them for anything.
It would be like, "Excuse me... oops, never mind, didn't see your sign."
It's like before my wife and I moved.
Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway.
My neighbor comes over and says "Hey, you moving?"
"Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes... Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?"
"Nope. Talked 'em into giving up... Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel.
There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit.
And there's only one way to test it.
"Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good...They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you."
"Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."

Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations.
The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?"
I couldn't resist.
I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me... Here's your sign."

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago.
A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes.
We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Damn, that's hot!"
See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could've stopped him.

I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure.
Wouldn't you know I misjudged the height of a bridge.
The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried.
I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report.
He went through his basic questioning..ok..no problem.
I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign, until he asked "So..is your truck stuck?"
I couldn't help myself!
I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said, "no I'm delivering' a bridge... here's your sign."

I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said, "Are you still here?"
I replied, "No. I left about 10 minutes ago... Here's your sign."
 

BooneRebel

Platinum Member
Mar 22, 2001
2,229
0
0


<< I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure.
Wouldn't you know I misjudged the height of a bridge.
The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried.
I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report.
He went through his basic questioning..ok..no problem.
I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign, until he asked "So..is your truck stuck?"
I couldn't help myself!
I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said, "no I'm delivering' a bridge... here's your sign."
>>

On a serious note, if you (or Jeff Foxworthy) are ever driving a truck and get stuck under a low clearance: Let the air out of your tires. You don't have to let them totally go flat, but airing down to 20psi or so should be enough to get clear of the obstruction and you'll still have enough air left to limp to the next station to air them up again.
 

Supermercado

Diamond Member
Jan 18, 2002
5,893
0
76
Not sure I've ever heard the "delivering a bridge" one, but I've heard all the others and all I have to say is: "Quality."
 

johnjohn320

Diamond Member
Jan 9, 2001
7,572
2
76
I don't think anyone's mentioned it yet, but this isn't originally a song--folks, that's Bill Engvall! They later just pasted some of his stand-up comedy routines into a song...anyway, The guy is hilarious, I have all his CD's and have loved him for years. Here's one of my favorites:


Did you know on the bottle of preparation-H is says "Do not take this orally." My god...imagine that phone call: "Hey Doc, I must've taken this whole damn tube, and I still got these hemmaroids! Man...my mouth's so small....but hey, I can whistle really good!


First time I heard that was probably the hardest I've laughed in my entire life.
 

NikPreviousAcct

No Lifer
Aug 15, 2000
52,763
1
0
Thanks to this thread, when I'm roaming around with a friend of mine helping other techs get their questions answered, we watch for new victims.
One guy asked which *.cab file to look through to find the drivers to reinstall the NIC with...
rolleye.gif


He and I are now looking to eachother going "oh, don't let me forget, we need to make one more sign" :D
Right in front of the other techs and they have no clue what's going on. :)

nik
 

b0mbrman

Lifer
Jun 1, 2001
29,470
1
81


<< I think the author should get a sign for getting his truck stuck to a bridge. >>


Heh...I was just thinking the same thing :)

Funny though :D
 

XZeroII

Lifer
Jun 30, 2001
12,572
0
0
He is a very funny guy. I have his DorkFish CD (Bill Engval). Good stuff. Havn't listened to it in a long time though.
 

bizmark

Banned
Feb 4, 2002
2,311
0
0


<<

<< I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure.
Wouldn't you know I misjudged the height of a bridge.
The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried.
I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report.
He went through his basic questioning..ok..no problem.
I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign, until he asked "So..is your truck stuck?"
I couldn't help myself!
I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said, "no I'm delivering' a bridge... here's your sign."
>>

On a serious note, if you (or Jeff Foxworthy) are ever driving a truck and get stuck under a low clearance: Let the air out of your tires. You don't have to let them totally go flat, but airing down to 20psi or so should be enough to get clear of the obstruction and you'll still have enough air left to limp to the next station to air them up again.
>>



It's amazing how frequently this happens. My old dorm was right next to a train overpass. Approximately twice a year, we'd hear a loud crashing sound and the sound of twisting, moaning metal. Then we'd all run out and see the jackass who'd just rammed his truck into the bridge. The height was clearly marked. Idiots.