troglodytis
Golden Member
- Nov 29, 2000
- 1,061
- 3
- 76
how do you hide an elephant in a cherry tree?
paint his toes red.
---------------------------------
knock knock
go fvsk yourself
---------------------------------
why'd the turkey cross the road?
to prove he wasn't chicken
---------------------------------------
paint his toes red.
---------------------------------
knock knock
go fvsk yourself
---------------------------------
why'd the turkey cross the road?
to prove he wasn't chicken
---------------------------------------
A sailor pulls into port, and it has been a really long trip. He goes into town and finds himself a lady of the night. She asks how much money he has, $25.00 he says.
She tells him that is only enough for "69"
He is not sure what that is, but says OK
They start into the fun, he is enjoying it, when all of the sudden she lets out a huge fart. She promptly apologizes and goes back to servicing him. A couple of minutes later she lets another one rip, this time worse that the first one.
He pushes her off of him, and begins to get dressed. She tells him that she has not completed her job, his response:
"Lady,..... if I have to put up with 67 more of those things, I am going to die!"
She tells him that is only enough for "69"
He is not sure what that is, but says OK
They start into the fun, he is enjoying it, when all of the sudden she lets out a huge fart. She promptly apologizes and goes back to servicing him. A couple of minutes later she lets another one rip, this time worse that the first one.
He pushes her off of him, and begins to get dressed. She tells him that she has not completed her job, his response:
"Lady,..... if I have to put up with 67 more of those things, I am going to die!"
newnameman
Platinum Member
- Nov 20, 2002
- 2,219
- 0
- 0
My favorites so far: Tunafish & Priest, Cinderella at the ball, beaver's first time, and definitely ADD Lightbulb. 
Don't fault me for these, I didn't make them up!!!
- - - - -
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Not a damn thing. You already told the bitch twice.
- - - - -
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the stove.
- - - - -
What's the best thing about fvcking twenty four year olds?
There's twenty of them.
- - - - -
What's better than fvcking a 12-year old Thai boy?
Nothing.
- - - - -
A middle-aged couple had long since lost the romantic spark in their marriage. One evening the wife decided to surprise her husband when he got home after work in an attempt to rekindle their flame. She fashioned a makeshift cape out of a bedspread, and, wearing nothing but it and a pair of five-inch stilettos, waited in the kitchen for her man to get back home.
As usual, her husband walked through the front door grumbling and irritated. He promptly dumped himself on the couch and began channel surfing, barking, "What's for dinner?"
Hearing the sounds of her arrived spouse, the wife burst into the room, proclaiming, "It's SUPERPUSSY!"
The husband, without looking up, switched channels again and muttered, "I'll take the soup."
Don't fault me for these, I didn't make them up!!!
- - - - -
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Not a damn thing. You already told the bitch twice.
- - - - -
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the stove.
- - - - -
What's the best thing about fvcking twenty four year olds?
There's twenty of them.
- - - - -
What's better than fvcking a 12-year old Thai boy?
Nothing.
- - - - -
A middle-aged couple had long since lost the romantic spark in their marriage. One evening the wife decided to surprise her husband when he got home after work in an attempt to rekindle their flame. She fashioned a makeshift cape out of a bedspread, and, wearing nothing but it and a pair of five-inch stilettos, waited in the kitchen for her man to get back home.
As usual, her husband walked through the front door grumbling and irritated. He promptly dumped himself on the couch and began channel surfing, barking, "What's for dinner?"
Hearing the sounds of her arrived spouse, the wife burst into the room, proclaiming, "It's SUPERPUSSY!"
The husband, without looking up, switched channels again and muttered, "I'll take the soup."
Chauvinism... w00t!!!
Q: HM mosquitoes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two, but don't ask me how they got in there...
- - - - - - - -
Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Timmy fell in the mud...
Wanna hear a clean joke?
Timmy took a bath with bubbles...
Wanna hear another dirty joke?
Bubbles is the girl next door....
I've heard different variations (Sorry if anyone is offended):Originally posted by: AStar617
My favorites so far: Tunafish & Priest, Cinderella at the ball, beaver's first time, and definitely ADD Lightbulb.
Don't fault me for these, I didn't make them up!!!
- - - - -
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Not a damn thing. You already told the bitch twice.
- - - - -
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the stove.
- - - - -
What's the best thing about fvcking twenty four year olds?
There's twenty of them.
- - - - -
What's better than fvcking a 12-year old Thai boy?
Nothing.
- - - - -
A middle-aged couple had long since lost the romantic spark in their marriage. One evening the wife decided to surprise her husband when he got home after work in an attempt to rekindle their flame. She fashioned a makeshift cape out of a bedspread, and, wearing nothing but it and a pair of five-inch stilettos, waited in the kitchen for her man to get back home.
As usual, her husband walked through the front door grumbling and irritated. He promptly dumped himself on the couch and began channel surfing, barking, "What's for dinner?"
Hearing the sounds of her arrived spouse, the wife burst into the room, proclaiming, "It's SUPERPUSSY!"
The husband, without looking up, switched channels again and muttered, "I'll take the soup."
The first joke up there is usually followed by
What do you call a woman with one black eye?
-Quick study.
What's the best part about sex with an infant?
-No matter which way you go in, you always hit the back of the throat.
Why don't women need watches?
-There's a clock on the stove.
What do women talk about when they get together?
-Who the fsck cares?
What better than sex with a 12 year old boy.
- Sex with 2 six year olds.
I know many many many offensive jokes.
Edit: Sorry, my stupid joke?
How do you put an elephant into a fridge in 3 steps?
Open Door. Put elephant in fridge. Close door.
Originally posted by: Mojoed
We've all heard them from time to time. What are some of your favorite stupid jokes? Below are a few that got me going pretty good.
---
Q. What do you get when you cross a Lion with a Tiger?
A. line perpendicular to both.
-----------------------------------
Q. What's blue and fvcks grannies?
A. Hypothermia.
-----------------------------------
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.
-----------------------------------
Q: When you see a group of ducks flying south for the winter why is one side of the 'V' always longer then the other?
A: Because there's more ducks on that side, dumbass.
-----------------------------------
Q: What does a 300lb hamster do?
A: Shoves gay people up its ass.
-----------------------------------
Q: What's green and has wheels?
A: Grass. I was just kidding about the wheels.
-----------------------------------
This computer's so old, it has a grandmotherboard.
-----------------------------------
Q: What does Snoop Dogg use to whiten his clothes?
A: Blee-otch!
-----------------------------------
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Interrupting starfish
Interrupt..(grab their face with your hand)
-----------------------------------
Q: What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
A: Phillipe Phlop
-----------------------------------
oh man those are fvcking hilarious.
They're supposed to be cheesy and corny yet funny, not but-gusting hilarious.
BTW, thanks for your contribution to this thread by providing us with some jokes you deem funny.
StrangerGuy
Diamond Member
- May 9, 2004
- 8,443
- 124
- 106
One crazy guy on a plane threw a toliet bowl down the skies.
A man started crossing a road. The road has no vehicle traffic but he was killed at the middle of the road. Why?
A man started crossing a road. The road has no vehicle traffic but he was killed at the middle of the road. Why?
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water?
Bob.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a hole in the ground?
Doug
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on the wall?
Art
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
One if you throw it fast enough.
Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a new Dodge Viper?
I've never had a Dodge Viper in my garage.
...................
Whats the best thing about showering with a 14 year old girl?
If you slick back her hair, she looks like a 11 year old boy.
Bob.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a hole in the ground?
Doug
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on the wall?
Art
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
One if you throw it fast enough.
Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a new Dodge Viper?
I've never had a Dodge Viper in my garage.
...................
Whats the best thing about showering with a 14 year old girl?
If you slick back her hair, she looks like a 11 year old boy.
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