Place it external on your desk next to your computer and get a hairdryer and warm it up a bit while it is doing major access (defrag, thorough scandisk, etc.....).
Since your not going to defraud anyone, just take a hammer to it while its accessing............
Or you could start snipping off some of the little caps on the controller, that should throw the whole thing out of wack.
Now fess up, who's computer are you messing with?