stormrider, do you feel this way too?

[skim milk]

the eye contact, the first initiation/attraction. I can do this well

However, I rarely move past beyond this point because sometimes I feel like I don't have much to offer. At this point, I have moved away from friends, maybe suffering from some self-esteem issues, feminine personality, not much experience and etc. Many things I lack, I wish I can change my attitude and just convince my brain otherwise

I'm not talking about all women, just the really attractive ones
Doing stuff by oneself makes things harder... if I just had some friends by my side, everything would happen more naturally and easily

 

[Mrvile]

Cmon man GET OUTSIDE

TALK TO PEOPLE

GET OFF THE DAMN COMPUTER

 

[ajpa123]

good cologne helps

 

[Pepsi90919]

Originally posted by: ajpa123
good chloroform helps

fixed

 

[SofaKing]

lopl

 

[Nitemare]

there is this thing called pm....

 

[StormRider]

I think I'm a little bit like that. It's hard for me to talk to girls because I can't think of anything to say. And I'm afraid of saying something that will make the girl like me less so all I end up doing is smiling and saying, "yeah..." as she talks.

I think there's also a part of me that has a bit of self hatred -- like I think I don't deserve friends or a girl friend. I think it has something to do with my life experiences -- like the fact that I felt my parents did not want me to have a social life and instead to just help out at the restaurant all the time. Meanwhile my younger brothers are going on ski trips with their friends and stuff. And when other relatives stop by the restaurant, they would always joke, "hey stormrider, when are you going to learn how to cook so your father can have a day off?" Only one person ever came up to me and said, "don't you ever have fun?" He was a regular customer. When he said that I thought, "finally! someone notices me!"

I had a lot of anger in me when I was younger. I felt I was held back from life experiences. I don't really blame my parents for my situation (although it probably sounds like I am). I realize that even if my parents were more supportive, I would probably end up in the same place because of the stuff I've joked about in past threads. But what bothers me was the hurt I felt -- they were my parents -- they were supposed to be more supportive.

Now that I'm older I've come to accept things and my relationship with my parents is very good right now.

At this point in my life I find it very difficult to even have male friends because I'm afraid of people finding out the truth about me -- that I'm a 42 year old man with practically very little social experience. So, I'm very guarded around people -- I try avoiding talking about myself.