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Stolen joke

D

Desslok

Diamond Member
A MAN ESCAPES FROM A TEXAS PRISON WHERE HE HAS BEEN FOR 15 YEARS. HE
BREAKS INTO A HOUSE TO LOOK FOR MONEY AND GUNS AND FINDS A YOUNG COUPLE
IN BED. HE ORDERS THE GUY OUT OF BED AND TIES HIM TO A CHAIR. WHILE
TYING THE GIRL TO THE BED HE GETS ON TOP OF HER, KISSES HER NECK, THEN
GETS UP AND GOES INTO THE BATHROOM.

WHILE HE'S IN THERE, THE HUSBAND TELLS HIS WIFE: "LISTEN, THIS GUY'S AN
ESCAPED CONVICT, LOOK AT HIS CLOTHES! HE PROBABLY SPENT LOTS OF TIME
IN JAIL AND HASN'T SEEN A WOMAN IN YEARS.
I SAW HOW HE KISSED YOUR NECK. IF HE WANTS SEX, DON'T RESIST, DON'T
COMPLAIN, DO WHATEVER HE TELLS YOU. SATISFY HIM NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE
NAUSEATES YOU. THIS GUY IS PROBABLY VERY DANGEROUS. IF HE GETS
ANGRY, HE'LL KILL US. BE STRONG, HONEY. I LOVE YOU"

TO WHICH THE WIFE RESPONDS: "HE WASN'T KISSING MY NECK. HE WAS
WHISPERING IN MY EAR. HE TOLD ME HE WAS GAY, THOUGHT YOU WERE CUTE, AND
ASKED IF WE HAD
ANY VASELINE. I TOLD HIM IT WAS IN THE BATHROOM. BE STRONG HONEY. I
LOVE YOU TOO!!"
 
Originally posted by: Desslok
A man escapes from a Texas prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you"

To which the wife responds: "he wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
Click to expand...

fixed that for you. gotta love werd.
 
Originally posted by: AkumaX
Originally posted by: Desslok
A man escapes from a Texas prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you"

To which the wife responds: "he wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
Click to expand...

fixed that for you. gotta love werd.
Click to expand...

What's the shortcut for that? I think I hit every function key yet still have trouble getting that to work.
 
Originally posted by: isasir
Originally posted by: AkumaX
Originally posted by: Desslok
A man escapes from a Texas prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you"

To which the wife responds: "he wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
Click to expand...

fixed that for you. gotta love werd.
Click to expand...

What's the shortcut for that? I think I hit every function key yet still have trouble getting that to work.
Click to expand...

I don't know if there's a shortcut for it, but it's easy to do. Highlight the text you want to change the case on, goto the Format menu, and select Change Case.

-=bmacd=-
 
Handy perl script that fixes stuff in all caps:

#!/usr/bin/perl

print "Enter filename to decapitalize: ";
$file = <>;
open(F, "$file") or die "Can't open file";
while ( <F> ) {
$string .= $_;
}
close F;

$string = lc $string;
$string =~ s/((^|[.!?"])\s*)([A-Za-z])/fix($1, $3)/ge;

open F, ">$file";
print F $string;
close F;

sub fix{
$a = uc $_[1];
return "$_[0]$a";
}


Output:

A man escapes from a texas prison where he has been for 15 years. He
breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple
in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While
tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then
gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an
escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time
in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't
complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he
nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets
angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you"

To which the wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was
whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and
asked if we had
any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I
love you too!!"
Click to expand...
 
$string =~ s/((^|[.!?"])\s*)([A-Za-z])/fix($1, $3)/ge;

usually i can figure out programming languages that i've never seen before but wtf is that
 
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