Steven Wright...

[Spooner]

...is a funny bastard.

 

[murphy55d]

yes, yes he is.

 

[eplebnista]

<< yes, yes he is. >>



True.

 

[Entity]

I went to a furniture store to look for a decaffeinated coffee table. They couldn't help me.

 

[SWScorch]

Funniest man. Ever.

 

[ultravox]

There's a fine line between fishing and standing like an idiot by the edge of the water ...

 

[shiner]

I bought some dehydrated water, I don't know what to add.

 

[TomC25]

He sold me a pair of contacts for my dog and he had painted cats on them.

I'm afraid of widths.

 

[MrMilney]

I want to get a full-body tatoo of me, only taller.

 

[jobberd]

I went to the hardware store, bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house
I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included
Curiousity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect
Why is it a penny for your thoughts, but you have to put your two cents in?
I talk to my self alot; it bothers people though because I use a megaphone

 

[DAPUNISHER]

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. You can't have everything...where would you put it? I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French Toast during the RenaissanceI stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people diedI put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in timeRight now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before

 

[DAPUNISHER]

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is; it's always room temperature. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.