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Start of my UC Personal Statement

M

MrCodeDude

Lifer
I came to America, my village's word for the glorious country, from my native Cuba at the tender age of six. My family constructed a make-shift boat out of used garbage bags and wooden planks. We set sail across the Gulf Sea that following Spring, but soon encountered rough waters which shattered the boat and my family. Clinging to my plank in the chilled water, I could only pray that the waters would take me to shore. Two days later, I arrived on the shores of South Florida. Sticking to my Cuban ways, I robbed an elderly white couple and made out with USD $1.04, which is roughly 72 million Cuban pesos. Night came and I noticed a flickering pink neon light among the dusk. Making my way through the outer limits of Southern Florida, I arrived at the source of the neons, a 7-Eleven. Pure bliss. I burst through the doors and lusted for the closest Coca Cola product (we do not have Coca Cola in Cuba because we're commies). Downing the 20 fluid ounces in one gulp, my body felt tingly all over. In a rage of passion, I then penetrated the plastic bottle and creamed in ecstasy due to the mix of my saliva and left over Coke residue at the bottle's entrance. It was then the Arab behind the counter shouted "What you do!? pulled out his gun, and shot off my penis. But I didn't care, I was in America.

Personal statements aren't about what one has accomplished; more who can best cheat the system without getting caught. Seeing as one needs a court order to view my medical records, you can tack on the fact that I have AIDS, Leprosy, Gonorrhea, Diabetes and three forms of cancer. It may not be true, but it sure sounds good. Unfortuantely for me, I'm white, was born into a middle-class family and live in a culturally diverse city.
 
Are you the same one I flamed for asking for help with this? If so, I see you've just wasted your time on it so far.

Making fun of cubans in your personal statement won't get you anywhere. You should be selling yourself to a school that you're not/barely qualified to get in. If you're applying to UCLA with a 4.0 and a 1350 SAT they will read your essay, but if you're applying to santa cruz with that, you could basically get away with sending in a story about your goldfish.
 
I don't even want to go to a UC. Cal Poly SLO all the way, 3.8 weighed, 1330 SATs, 5 on Calc AB AP Test, taking Calc BC now, doesn't require an essay.

This is for honors english class 😉
 
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