I wanted to post an update about the situation and my resulting success.
First, the problematic unit has been returned to the retailer under their 30 day warranty. There was far too much work involved in digging through to find the cmos battery for a hard reset, etc. The retailer was wonderful enough to send me another unit immediately.
The new unit had a BIOS v1.04 (the one it replaced was on BIOS v1.05, different brand of RAM (Hynix in the first unit, Kingston in the replacement unit), different brand HDD (WD in the original, Seagate Momentus in the replacement) and wholly different looking parts altogether (heatsink look/feel, inside of back cover look/feel with/without heat reflective foil). It seems like this unit came off of a completely assembly line with different components.
I didn't even bother booting it into windows on the Seagate HDD. I took it out, swapped in the M4. The one thing I did differently was press & hold the button inside the battery reset pinhole (located on back cover). I booted up on AC power this time, and went to the BIOS settings. The M4 was immediately detected. I set the boot order on USB flash, from which I installed W7 Home Premium.
The first update I did was for the M4, to take it from rev. 0002 to rev 0009. I used the universal USB installer utility to make the ISO bootable on a flash drive. I forgot to change the SATA setting from AHCI to IDE for the update, but the update was successful nonetheless.
After a night or two of updates and downloading drivers from Acer's website, the computer is up and running. It doesn't have all the oem programs and junk from Acer where you can map out how you want to share your everything with people on your wifi network (horrible idea IMO). It is running just a handful of crucial windows processes, and is fast as heck. I don't have benchmarks to show how well it runs, but the boot time is awesome. It's certainly faster than my Dell Adamo XPS, which also runs solid state (apples to oranges of a comparison, maybe).
The upgrade was successful. I might have performed the perfect combination of bad stuff to the first unit to make it fail. Thanks for your input, and thank you for the threadcrap, Imouto. The drive is very good. Most users (eg. 99%+) won't notice the "Worst write speeds ever" difference you're referring to. My sister-in-law, who is the recipient of this laptop, certainly won't.