Apple Of Sodom: Wow, Moonbeam, you have it all figured out.
M: Indeed so and if you didn't feel so inferior yourself it wouldn't bother you, but you have spent a lifetime keeping your head down least somebody call you a narcissist or some such, so naturally any duck that raises its head tends to draw fire. I have taken shot, my dear friend, long before you got annoyed. I have been, as it were, not only through the mill but though the grindstones as well and my ego is of a dust size that makes it pretty hard to kill.
AOS: And I don't recall ever stating that I don't hate myself...just that not everybody does.
M: I have it all figured out, remember. You didn't have to.
AOS: As far as I am concerned my feelings for myself don't need to be expressed or justified to you.
M: Don't pretend to yourself that is what for which I was asking. I simply said you do not know what you feel. I know that is true and you do not because I know somebody else who used to be in exactly the same state of denial who found out what wrong is all about.
AOS: I know where I stand, and it certainly isn't hate.
M: You do not have the faintest idea. You do not know what you feel. I didn't tell you this to be smarter than you or because I lack creativity. I told you because I know and you do not. And I told you not because I am your enemy, which is also what you feel, but because you do not know who your real enemy is, as I am about to exemplify for you:
AOS: My barometer is my children and my wife, and they think I am pretty fan-fuckin-tastic, thank you very much.
M: My dear Sir, do not pretend to yourself that I would wish it any other way then that they love and respect you or that they should not or that I want to take that away. All those feelings you create about me are the truth of what you feel, that your love and respect are in some state of threat. Of course they are, but the danger to you is your own self hate, not anything coming from me and let me provide you with examples of why your barometer isn't the right one. And for the love of God, do not call what your family feels for you fuckin-tastic. Do not degrade the complement you pay yourself out of feeling you deserve only unrefined praise. Say to yourself that you are fantastic in their eyes. I know your fantastic because I am.
It is wonderful to be in love and to have a family and I hope for you it stays that way. But let me just remind you of something. How often do you read about some male like yourself who has just killed his wife or girl friend and even all the kids? Does it happen every day, many times a day, and why. Sorry, but that tired old truth that reveals my lack of creativity, by its very truth must again rear its ugly head.
These are men like you, with no self hate what so ever, who, like you are somebody because they are somebody is somebody else's eyes, and who suddenly are plunged into what they really feel, that they are too worthless to deserve love, but of course they will not feel that feeling or have any idea it is there. What happens is that they go into the denial called rage and kill the cause that made them question their adequacy.
And if, my dear Sir, you have an alternative view, let me be the first to say that your view will prove to be the pop psychobabble, not mine.
So, my dear Sir, do not build you castle on sand. Do not test the love of others from doubts of self worth, and know that the greatest threat to relationship is the feeling that anybody who loves you must be a fool. Trust me. I am farther beyond you in understanding than you can possibly imagine.
AOS: I am just saying, regardless of how I or anyone else feels, you sound like a broken record.
M: Again, you project on me what you fear is true of yourself, that you are or will be a broken record. You have been put down for that. But think about it, Sir. A record that isn't broken is only a longer version of the same thing, over and over again. I have seen into my self hate and do not now need your approval. I speak the same truth over and over again because it is a truth that applies to everything and I can see the application. And the freedom from the absurd norms that straight jacket you is why I want you to also see. What you call annoying is the key to your freedom. You can't fix your self hate without knowing you feel it, dear friend.
SOB: Your enlightenment seems to be more of a charade.
M: It should, it is a creation of your own mind. Any enlightenment I have would be beyond what you can see.
SOB: You rant about the same bullshit. The fact that most of your posts are interchangeable says a lot about your minimal mental capacity. If someone has a problem you can always bring it back to self-hate. I find it very odd...
M: You have to churn cream for a long time before the butter appears.
SOB: Anyhow, cheers and have a good day reading another one of your pop-psychology novels.
M: Thank you, but as i have everything already figured out I have no need to read anything but the human heart, right?