I for one would like to learn more about this elephant epidemic.
i see it now
imagine, if you will, a stampede approaching through a dusty ravine. is that gazelles? is it wildebeests?
then, as it gets closer, you realize
IT IS ELEPHANTS
and you are stuck in the ravine. you try as hard as you can to climb the steep walls, but know that one slip will send you to a crushing death by pachyderms pummeling your puny body.
you get to the top and see a friend there reaching out his hand to rescue you! but when he grabs your wrist, he doesnt pull you up. he speaks slowly, methodically - each word seems calculated, rehearsed, and satisfying.
"long... live... the... king!"
and with that, he tosses you into the air
you see him falling away, faster and faster. you see the walls of the ravine rushing past you. the thunder of the herd gets louder and louder.
faster and slower than you expect, you fall hard on the back of an elephant. your wind is knocked out, and several of your vertebrae along with it. the pain is intense, the sound deafening.
you struggle to grip the beast, but with your limited mobility you cannot catch hold of him.
you fall to the ground and are enveloped in dust, then darkness.
you feel the first inch of a swift, crushing elephant footstep on your head.
everything is red. and then dark.
and then, nothing.
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