Someone please critique my first story..

[Braznor]

This is the very first story I have written in my life. My head is bursting with plots and this is the first of the one. it's sci fi. I hope the people here would provide me with tips on how to write better. Please do give tips about characterization, dialog and so on.

Also how do think the dialog quality is within this tale? I think it's still a bit cheesy, Thanks.

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[Braznor]

Somebody????

 

[SonnyDaze]

Originally posted by: Braznor
Somebody????

Ugh...still reading.

 

[leftyman]

cliffs?

 

[jhayx7]

Better Nate than lever?

 

[slsmnaz]

Originally posted by: jhayx7
Better Nate than lever?

 

[AgaBoogaBoo]

Might have better luck posting this on http://www.fanfiction.net/

 

[pontifex]

An interesting story. it seemed kind of stiff in some parts, like the dialog. I also noticed a few spelling errors and some words out of place.

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: leftyman
cliffs?

oh come on. its a story, you're supposed to read it. i don't know why you even bothered posting.

 

[Braznor]

Originally posted by: pontifex
An interesting story. it seemed kind of stiff in some parts, like the dialog. I also noticed a few spelling errors and some words out of place.

Thanks so much

Can you provide me with anymore tips? I wrote the whole thing (20000 words) in around two days, my hands are still paining. I will get around to editing that story completely in a day or so.

 

[Braznor]

Originally posted by: jhayx7
Better Nate than lever?

No.