parents are fighting downstairs.... went for a 45 minute drive thinking they'd be done...nope. 
somebody cheer me up
somebody cheer me up
Somebody make me laugh
- Thread starter MacBaine
- Start date
go read this
or um...
a hamburger walks into a bar, orders a beer and the bartender says "sorry we dont serve food"
a smurf walks into a bar and the bartender says "hey, why so blue?"
a horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "hey, why the long face?"
the pope, a cop, and a lawyer go into a bar and they bartender says "what is this, some kind of joke?"
TA DA!@
or um...
a hamburger walks into a bar, orders a beer and the bartender says "sorry we dont serve food"
a smurf walks into a bar and the bartender says "hey, why so blue?"
a horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "hey, why the long face?"
the pope, a cop, and a lawyer go into a bar and they bartender says "what is this, some kind of joke?"
TA DA!@
pyonir
Lifer
- Dec 18, 2001
- 40,856
- 321
- 126
a termite walks into a bar and asks, "where's the bar tender?"
a dollar bill walks into a bar and the bartender says, "sorry this isn't a singles bar"
how about this:
<< MEMO
November 27th, 2001
From: Bin Laden, Osama
To: All Cavemates
Re: The Cave
We've all be putting in long hours lately but we've really come together as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster that says "There is no 'I' in 'team" as well as the one that says "Hang in there baby." That cat is hilarious. However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave. Frankly, I have a few concerns:
First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you don't want to be stung and neither do I so we need to sweep the cave daily. I've posted a sign-up sheet at the main cave opening.
Second, it's not often I make a video address, but when I do I'm trying to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while we're taping please don't ride your razor scooters in the background ... just while we're taping. Thanks.
Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict, we're not supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone to just think hygiene, especially after mealtime. We're all in this together.
Fourth, food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently and clearly wrote "Osama" on the front and put it on the top rock shelf on the left side of the cave. Today my Cheez-Its were gone. Consideration, that's all I'm saying.
Finally, we've heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. The first patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar and Richard.
Love you lots and Happy Ramadan,
Osama >>
CHEER UP MAN!
a dollar bill walks into a bar and the bartender says, "sorry this isn't a singles bar"
how about this:
<< MEMO
November 27th, 2001
From: Bin Laden, Osama
To: All Cavemates
Re: The Cave
We've all be putting in long hours lately but we've really come together as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster that says "There is no 'I' in 'team" as well as the one that says "Hang in there baby." That cat is hilarious. However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave. Frankly, I have a few concerns:
First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you don't want to be stung and neither do I so we need to sweep the cave daily. I've posted a sign-up sheet at the main cave opening.
Second, it's not often I make a video address, but when I do I'm trying to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while we're taping please don't ride your razor scooters in the background ... just while we're taping. Thanks.
Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict, we're not supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone to just think hygiene, especially after mealtime. We're all in this together.
Fourth, food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently and clearly wrote "Osama" on the front and put it on the top rock shelf on the left side of the cave. Today my Cheez-Its were gone. Consideration, that's all I'm saying.
Finally, we've heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. The first patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar and Richard.
Love you lots and Happy Ramadan,
Osama >>
CHEER UP MAN!
deerslayer
Lifer
- Jan 15, 2001
- 10,153
- 0
- 76
What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
Fur traders.
Have you heard about the sexy pirate movie?
It's rated aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Those are a couple my friends told me that i laughed at
Fur traders.
Have you heard about the sexy pirate movie?
It's rated aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Those are a couple my friends told me that i laughed at
An oldie but goodie:
A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a very large jar behind the
bar. It's filled to the brim with ten-dollar bills. The man guesses there
must be thousands of dollars there. He approaches the bartender and asks
him:
"What's up with the jar?"
Bartender: "Well, you pay ten dollars and if you pass three tests then you
get all of the money."
Man: "What are the three tests?"
Bartender: "Pay first. Those are the rules.
" So the guy gives him the ten bucks and the bartender adds it to the jar
with the other bills.
Bartender: "OK, here's what you have to do. First you have to drink that
whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can't make
a face while doing it.
Second, there's a pit bull chained up out back
with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands.
Third, there's a 90 year old woman upstairs who's never had an orgasm in her
life. You gotta make things right for her."
Man: Well, I know I've paid my ten bucks but I'm not an idiot, I can't do
all that... it's impossible!
Bartender: "Well, you asked, and I told you...those are the rules, and your
money stays in the jar."
Well, as time goes on and the man downs a few
drinks, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon of tequila with
both hands, and downs it with a big slurp. Tears are streaming down his
cheeks but he does not make a face. Next he staggers out back and soon all
the people inside hear a huge scuffle going on. They hear barking, screams,
yelps and growling, and eventually silence. Just when they think the man
must surely be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped to
shreds and big scratches all over his body.
"Now," he says, "where's that woman with the sore tooth?"
A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a very large jar behind the
bar. It's filled to the brim with ten-dollar bills. The man guesses there
must be thousands of dollars there. He approaches the bartender and asks
him:
"What's up with the jar?"
Bartender: "Well, you pay ten dollars and if you pass three tests then you
get all of the money."
Man: "What are the three tests?"
Bartender: "Pay first. Those are the rules.
" So the guy gives him the ten bucks and the bartender adds it to the jar
with the other bills.
Bartender: "OK, here's what you have to do. First you have to drink that
whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can't make
a face while doing it.
Second, there's a pit bull chained up out back
with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands.
Third, there's a 90 year old woman upstairs who's never had an orgasm in her
life. You gotta make things right for her."
Man: Well, I know I've paid my ten bucks but I'm not an idiot, I can't do
all that... it's impossible!
Bartender: "Well, you asked, and I told you...those are the rules, and your
money stays in the jar."
Well, as time goes on and the man downs a few
drinks, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon of tequila with
both hands, and downs it with a big slurp. Tears are streaming down his
cheeks but he does not make a face. Next he staggers out back and soon all
the people inside hear a huge scuffle going on. They hear barking, screams,
yelps and growling, and eventually silence. Just when they think the man
must surely be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped to
shreds and big scratches all over his body.
"Now," he says, "where's that woman with the sore tooth?"
<< An oldie but goodie:
A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a very large jar behind the
bar. It's filled to the brim with ten-dollar bills. The man guesses there
must be thousands of dollars there. He approaches the bartender and asks
him:
"What's up with the jar?"
Bartender: "Well, you pay ten dollars and if you pass three tests then you
get all of the money."
Man: "What are the three tests?"
Bartender: "Pay first. Those are the rules.
" So the guy gives him the ten bucks and the bartender adds it to the jar
with the other bills.
Bartender: "OK, here's what you have to do. First you have to drink that
whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can't make
a face while doing it.
Second, there's a pit bull chained up out back
with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands.
Third, there's a 90 year old woman upstairs who's never had an orgasm in her
life. You gotta make things right for her."
Man: Well, I know I've paid my ten bucks but I'm not an idiot, I can't do
all that... it's impossible!
Bartender: "Well, you asked, and I told you...those are the rules, and your
money stays in the jar."
Well, as time goes on and the man downs a few
drinks, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon of tequila with
both hands, and downs it with a big slurp. Tears are streaming down his
cheeks but he does not make a face. Next he staggers out back and soon all
the people inside hear a huge scuffle going on. They hear barking, screams,
yelps and growling, and eventually silence. Just when they think the man
must surely be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped to
shreds and big scratches all over his body.
"Now," he says, "where's that woman with the sore tooth?" >>
LOL!!!
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