Somebody make me laugh
- Thread starter Bryophyte
- Start date
lokiju
Lifer
- May 29, 2003
- 18,526
- 5
- 0
So a man walks into a diner and seats himself, while sitting there he reads the specials for the day and they are "Hand Job or Ham Sandwich $5"
The waitress comes to the table and ask him if he's decided what he wants yet and the man replies "Are you the one that gives the Hand Jobs?" to which she replies "Why yes I am" and the man says "well go wash your fvcking hands, I want the Ham Sandwich!!"
There did that help?
The waitress comes to the table and ask him if he's decided what he wants yet and the man replies "Are you the one that gives the Hand Jobs?" to which she replies "Why yes I am" and the man says "well go wash your fvcking hands, I want the Ham Sandwich!!"
There did that help?
DainBramaged
Lifer
- Jun 19, 2003
- 23,448
- 40
- 91
Originally posted by: dug777
ok.
do a search on urbandictionary for ATOT moderators (by individual member names).
I've looked up seven of them so far and only the G******e mod had a listing.
DainBramaged
Lifer
- Jun 19, 2003
- 23,448
- 40
- 91
yes
Updates on Blog tommorow, one for tommorow night update will be saturday, but tommorow night is female, so its all good Unless shes old and ugly
Originally posted by: sonz70
yes
Unless shes old and ugly
Yeah, but you're making good bank and aren't sitting on ATOT on weekend nights. :beer:
ThePresence
Elite Member
- Nov 19, 2001
- 27,727
- 16
- 81
A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to
buy half a head of lettuce.
The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads
of lettuce.
The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some @sshole wants
to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to
find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman
kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.
Later the manager found the boy and said "I was impressed with the way you
got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on
their feet here.
"Where are you from, son?"
"Canada, sir," the boy replied.
"Well, why did you leave Canada," the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there."
"Really!" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada!"
The boy replied,
"No sh|t??? Who did she play for?"
------
A young woman in New York was so depressed that she decided to end her
life by throwing herself in to the ocean. She went down to the docks and was
about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her
tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look,
you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you
like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring
you food every day."
Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll
keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a
fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.
From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of
fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Two weeks later, during a
routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.
"What are you doing here?" the captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get
food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
------
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same
sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the
top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and
says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if
you could possibly get me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a
better idea... just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."
The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles.
"Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!"
------
One of those should get you to smile, if not laugh.
buy half a head of lettuce.
The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads
of lettuce.
The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some @sshole wants
to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to
find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman
kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.
Later the manager found the boy and said "I was impressed with the way you
got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on
their feet here.
"Where are you from, son?"
"Canada, sir," the boy replied.
"Well, why did you leave Canada," the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there."
"Really!" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada!"
The boy replied,
"No sh|t??? Who did she play for?"
------
A young woman in New York was so depressed that she decided to end her
life by throwing herself in to the ocean. She went down to the docks and was
about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her
tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look,
you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you
like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring
you food every day."
Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll
keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a
fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.
From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of
fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Two weeks later, during a
routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.
"What are you doing here?" the captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get
food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
------
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same
sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the
top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and
says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if
you could possibly get me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a
better idea... just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."
The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles.
"Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!"
------
One of those should get you to smile, if not laugh.
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