Some useful tips from the Mormons to you guys

[Syringer]

#5 is especially useful http://www.moonmac.com/Mormon_masturbation.html

 

[ConstipatedVigilante]

If you don't think about it, it'll go away. THE FAP DEVIL IS COMING FOR YOU!

 

[Newbian]

Tl:dr

Was busy touching myself.

 

[Rufus12]

I just fapped to that.

 

[olds]

Not even going to ask the OP why he was looking for that.

 

[ScottyB]

"Never read about your problem." It's like the religion for retards. LOL

 

[BoomerD]

<shudder> ANYTHING from the Mormons make me feel like I need a shower...

 

[manowar821]

I don't take advice from religious doctrines or proponents of them. I would also never want to stop doing *that*.

 

[Cabages]

"Never read about your problem"

Doesnt #7 contradict itself?

"Rather be fat than fappin!"

 

[Pepsei]

"STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION"

false advertisement....

 

[dbk]

Mormons don't jack it?

 

[AnonymouseUser]

STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION
3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things.

Good advice. Helps avoid situations like this.

 

[RaistlinZ]

Originally posted by: Cabages
"Never read about your problem"

Doesnt #7 contradict itself?

"Rather be fat than fappin!"

I was just about to post that. :laugh:

 

[ConstipatedVigilante]

Originally posted by: dbk
Mormons don't jack it?

I have a mormon friend who (although female) refuses to watch anything beyond PG-13 and will give you an evil eye for saying any swear at all (I think 'hell' counts in her book). She's nice, but I just don't get how you can let a religious doctrine restrict your life that much. To me, it's not pure - it's ignorant.

 

[GodlessAstronomer]

Originally posted by: ScottyB
It's like the religion for retards. LOL

Redundancy FTW.

 

[Zim Hosein]

Originally posted by: Syringer

Topic Title: Some useful tips from the Mormons to you guys

#5 is especially useful http://www.moonmac.com/Mormon_masturbation.html

Be assured that you can be cured of your difficulty. Many have been, both male and female, and you can be also if you determine that it must be so.

 

[frostedflakes]

Hmm, I didn't realize I was sick...

 

[BoomerD]

Originally posted by: frostedflakes
Hmm, I didn't realize I was sick...

That's because you didn't ask US...we'd have told you what a sick bastard you are...

 

[ConstipatedVigilante]

Originally posted by: frostedflakes
Hmm, I didn't realize I was sick...

I'm very sick, Stan. Get me another beer. /southpark

 

[child of wonder]

If fapping is wrong, I don't want to be right!!!!!

Strange how "God" gave us these intense urges then forbade us to do something as simple as self gratify those urges. It feels great, is STD and pregnancy free, and relieves stress.

 

[SirStev0]

For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act.

 

[ElFenix]

Originally posted by: Zim Hosein

Originally posted by: Syringer

Topic Title: Some useful tips from the Mormons to you guys

#5 is especially useful http://www.moonmac.com/Mormon_masturbation.html

Be assured that you can be cured of your difficulty. Many have been, both male and female, and you can be also if you determine that it must be so.

we all know you're the only girl here, zim!

 

[Jeff7]

STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes.
Ask a friend instead.

2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company.
Everyone knows a circle jerk is more fun.

3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. But you can still share porn collections.

4. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror, no matter how sexy you are.

5. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes.
Fun fact: Strap-ons can be time-consuming to remove.

6. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX YOURSELF A SNACK, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining weight.
Fun fact: Masturbation can help you sleep, and if done rigorously enough, can help you lose weight.

7. Never read pornographic material. Never read about your problem.
In fact, why are you even reading this?

8. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read good books -- Church books
And the man and his wife were both naked, and were not ashamed. Genesis 2:25
Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain. Genesis 4:1

9. Pray.
Oh god, OH GOD OH GOD!!!

 

[DangerAardvark]

Originally posted by: Cabages
"Never read about your problem"

Doesnt #7 contradict itself?

"Rather be fat than fappin!"

The first rule of doublethink is you never think about doublethink.

 

[Rumpltzer]

Originally posted by: child of wonder
If fapping is wrong, I don't want to be right!!!!!

Strange how "God" gave us these intense urges then forbade us to do something as simple as self gratify those urges. It feels great, is STD and pregnancy free, and relieves stress.

It's not God that gives us the urges, it's the Devil who leads us to temptation.


BTW, you're all going to burn in the fires of Eternal Damnation.

I, on the other hand, relieve out my sexual needs only through Japanese sex providers (or sometimes Koreans pretending to be Japanese). God loves me the most!