Some Bad Jokes...

So

Lifer
Jul 2, 2001
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I got these forwarded to me in an E-mail, and I thought some of them were decently humorous, so what the hey...

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If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it.)


If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced
to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's more like it!)


The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet.

(O.M.G.!)


A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)


A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.

(Creepy.)

(I'm still not over the pig.)


Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.)


The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its
body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")


The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the
length of a football field.

(30 minutes... lucky pig... can you imagine??)


The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)


Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)


Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know.)


The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm.........)


Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer
than left-handed people.

(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)


Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

(OK, so that would be a good thing....)


A cat's urine glows under a black light.

(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)


An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)


Starfish have no brains.

(I know some people like that too.)


Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)


Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for
pleasure.

(What about that pig??)
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(I hope Brutuskend doesn't hurt me for moving in on his territory :p:D)
 

VBboy

Diamond Member
Nov 12, 2000
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So are they indeed jokes, or are they "funny facts" instead?

Would be cool if they were true ;). I think I got the pig beat, though.
 

AnyMal

Lifer
Nov 21, 2001
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What I really want to know is how did someone figured out how long pigs' orgazm last?
 

VBboy

Diamond Member
Nov 12, 2000
5,793
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Originally posted by: So


Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for
pleasure.

Not true. I remember reading in a book that monkeys masturbate. This is not a joke. Ask your biology professor.
 

So

Lifer
Jul 2, 2001
25,923
17
81
Originally posted by: VBboy
Originally posted by: So


Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for
pleasure.

Not true. I remember reading in a book that monkeys masturbate. This is not a joke. Ask your biology professor.

I believe it. Not gonna ask a bio prof though...

Can you imagine..."Professor...do monkeys enjoy sex?":p:Q

Plus I am a computer engineering major, so no bio for me.
 

screw3d

Diamond Member
Nov 6, 2001
6,906
1
76
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

Hmmm...I've read somewhere that the muscle that controls the jaw is the strongest (that's why you could bite *really* hard) ?
 

VBboy

Diamond Member
Nov 12, 2000
5,793
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Originally posted by: marvie
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

Hmmm...I've read somewhere that the muscle that controls the jaw is the strongest (that's why you could bite *really* hard) ?

But you can tongue someone even harder! :)
 

Brutuskend

Lifer
Apr 2, 2001
26,558
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(I hope Brutuskend doesn't hurt me for moving in on his territory )


You are treading on thin ice... ;)

But since these are more Factoids than jokes, I guess I'll let you live!
 

Spooner

Lifer
Jan 16, 2000
12,025
1
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Originally posted by: VBboy
So are they indeed jokes, or are they "funny facts" instead?

Would be cool if they were true ;). I think I got the pig beat, though.
Yeah..... you wish.