so then she said "my money is your money?

[adelphi]

so me and my s.o. of 5 yrs got into a heated discussion (arguement) the other day (2weeks ago)
over about our future money managment plan

basically i said 50% of income goes into joint and 50% goes to personal savings
and therefore we both retain some sorta independence w/ our discretionary income

so i can buy more nvida 2billion gtmaxultra pro or daytrade/gamble it away and she can get her
2nd mink etc and

she disagreed and sum it up, sounding like an ultimatum "my money is your money" and viceversa

aka our monies

then she went ballistic and concluded with well i guess u're not ready to start a family

i said 'i guess you're rite, i'm not ready to start a family',exited the car and went back inside the house and defrag my C: drive (perfectdisk >>> diskeeper)

edit: 9 page article on love & money
http://www.washingtonian.com/e...ss/love_money/lm1.html

 

[Chronoshock]

It seems like you want to retain control of your money because your SO will not let you spend money to "buy more nvida 2billion gtmaxultra pro or daytrade/gamble it away." If that's the case then tell her that you want the freedom to do that. If she isn't okay with that, then thats a problem on her end. The only reason to enforce independence is if it isn't granted voluntarily

 

[Wahsapa]

uhhh dont gamble your money away and she doesnt need a mink

 

[Pacfanweb]

Just tell her "what's mine is mine, and what's yours is ours." Sounds like what she's saying anyway.

 

[Barnaby W. Füi]

Originally posted by: Chronoshock
It seems like you want to retain control of your money because your SO will not let you spend money to "buy more nvida 2billion gtmaxultra pro or daytrade/gamble it away." If that's the case then tell her that you want the freedom to do that. If she isn't okay with that, then thats a problem on her end. The only reason to enforce independence is if it isn't granted voluntarily

Word.

Obviously in a serious relationship there needs to be some joint financial stuff going on, but you're still an individual.

Sounds like you two have communication problems.

 

[PeeluckyDuckee]

What you're asking for is some of your own space and independence. Sometimes you just have to agree to disagree and leave it at that. Not everything you buy or decisions you make the other party will agree with. I don't see why you can have your own money to spend as you wish. It's not like you're gambling away family money that should've been spent on milk and diapers instead.

Ask her what the real issue here is.

 

[Coquito]

Mink prices are going up. That's the whole conspiracy behind this.

 

[Wuffsunie]

She's just mad that she won't be able to blow your paycheck on shoes.

 

[JoeKing]

Who makes more?

 

[fs5]

it boils down to commitment, she sees you keeping seperate savings as a lack of commitment to the relationship.

 

[adelphi]

i make 100k she makes 60k and i don't have a problem contributing more to joint
just that i need my 50% to fulfilled my obligations (no, not alimony or child support...
rather family + mortgage,etc ) ....

i believe the undercurrent here is the fight for supremacy over me between her and her future inlaws

 

[adelphi]

100% income --> joint acct sounds like asking for monthly allowance

or maybe, just maybe she wants more to split come divorce....
wait til she hears the prenup idea (i can imagine seeing her laugh like the fiance Susan laugh at george costanza on seinfeld when he suggested)

 

[Gooberlx2]

Originally posted by: adelphi
100% income --> joint acct sounds like asking for monthly allowance

or maybe, just maybe she wants more to split come divorce....
wait til she hears the prenup idea (i can imagine seeing her laugh like the fiance Susan laugh at george costanza on seinfeld when he suggested)

LOL! You tell me how the prenup proposal goes!

 

[Barnaby W. Füi]

Originally posted by: adelphi
100% income --> joint acct sounds like asking for monthly allowance

or maybe, just maybe she wants more to split come divorce....
wait til she hears the prenup idea (i can imagine seeing her laugh like the fiance Susan laugh at george costanza on seinfeld when he suggested)

Hah, why are you marrying her when things are so obviously messed up between you two?

 

[adelphi]

oh yea one time i ask her why she need so many shoes and she ask why i need to upgrade my graphics card...good rebuttal


"Hah, why are you marrying her when things are so obviously messed up between you two? "
i dunno , a case of the "the heart feels what the mind can't comprehend"

i always wonder what's the yearly quota/baseline for 'flareups' in healthy relationships

 

[fredtam]

My wife and I pay the bills then put 50% of what is left in savings and split the other 50% between our personal accounts.

 

[Apex]

You need to walk down to your local bookstore and buy yourself a copy of "So You Plan to Marry a Socialist."

 

[fredtam]

Originally posted by: adelphi
oh yea one time i ask her why she need so many shoes and she ask why i need to upgrade my graphics card...good rebuttal


"Hah, why are you marrying her when things are so obviously messed up between you two? "
i dunno , a case of the "the heart feels what the mind can't comprehend"

i always wonder what's the yearly quota/baseline for 'flareups' in healthy relationships

The quota is at least once a month. Twice a week becomes a problem.

 

[stnicralisk]

Originally posted by: adelphi
i make 100k she makes 60k and i don't have a problem contributing more to joint
just that i need my 50% to fulfilled my obligations (no, not alimony or child support...
rather family + mortgage,etc ) ....

i believe the undercurrent here is the fight for supremacy over me between her and her future inlaws

You make a 100k a year.. yet you cannot spell the word 'right' and you say you need your 50% to fulfilled your obligations.

I am thinking about suicide.

I hope English is your second language.

Edit: Also fiance is a man fiancee' is a woman.

Edit: "oh yea one time i ask her why she need so many shoes and she ask why i need to upgrade my graphics card...good rebuttal"

Okay thats it I call BS on your salary. I can't take your grammar and spelling anymore. Another concern is that if you make 100,000 dollars a year it shouldnt be a big deal that you blow 500 dollars on a graphics card.

Edit: Okay I see you live in NYC and everything costs you 1000 times as much as here in Florida. I retract the second edit but still bash your language skills and ask if this is your second language. If it is I retract everything except that I hope this is your second language and make an addendum that your English skills are decent and I like popcorn.

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: adelphi
oh yea one time i ask her why she need so many shoes and she ask why i need to upgrade my graphics card...good rebuttal


"Hah, why are you marrying her when things are so obviously messed up between you two? "
i dunno , a case of the "the heart feels what the mind can't comprehend"

i always wonder what's the yearly quota/baseline for 'flareups' in healthy relationships

well if you are going to do stuff like this i bet you guys have a LOT of fights. Money is the #1 reason people get into fights.


Anyway. I agree with her.IF married All money should be put into a common fund (excluding savings etc). Then agree to a amount that each can spend a month BS items.

I have always made more then my wife. when i was working iwas makeing at least 3 times the amount she was. But we put all money in a shared account and would agree on big purchases.

Its not worth tthe fight you guys will have because of this.

 

[Ime]

Before we got married, the wife and I had seperate accounts, seperate everything. We combined only after we got married.

It's sounds to me like the chick just wants access to your $$$. I'd dump her like a hot potato!

 

[Indolent]

Originally posted by: stnicralisk

Originally posted by: adelphi
i make 100k she makes 60k and i don't have a problem contributing more to joint
just that i need my 50% to fulfilled my obligations (no, not alimony or child support...
rather family + mortgage,etc ) ....

i believe the undercurrent here is the fight for supremacy over me between her and her future inlaws

I hope English is your second language.

I was thinking the exact same thing...

 

[Epoman]

They're a statistic waiting to happen.

 

[imthebadguy]

ha! just take all her money and make it yours

 

[BigToque]

Originally posted by: fredtam
My wife and I pay the bills then put 50% of what is left in savings and split the other 50% between our personal accounts.

Hey, I like that

So how exactly does it work? You both know how much you make, then you add it together, pay the bills, then take 50% of the remainder for savings and then split the remaining 50%?

If so I think that's great