So the ex doesn't want me in our baby's life

[lxskllr]

Another solution is for you to file for custody.
Then she has to pay YOU for child support.

If she really doesn't want you in the childs life, you can always offer to sign away your parental rights in exchange for ZERO child support.

After you talk to an attorney (but that is a given)

I don't know about nationally, but that would never fly in MD. You can sign any paper you like, but it won't absolve you of payments.

 

[Hey Zeus]

I'm kind of confused? were you guys on bad terms when you left? does she think you're not coming back or feel that she;'s been abandoned and that she might as well face the inevitable now? Is it possible her parents have been telling her that you've abandoned her and that she might as well start accepting life as a single mother?

No bad terms when we left. We've talked everyday for the past 2 months. This was a total shocker to me. I'm starting to think her parents are part of the problem.

 

[Geekbabe]

No bad terms when we left. We've talked everyday for the past 2 months. This was a total shocker to me. I'm starting to think her parents are part of the problem.

I'm wondering if her family and friends feel that you've basically dumped her and won't be coming back and are pressuring her?

 

[allthatisman]

I feel that there is obvious information being left out... women don't typically opt to be all alone on a pregnancy, let alone the raising of a child. Aside from her seeing another guy (and it likely being his child), you have to have some issues that aren't being brought to light. Are you employed? Do you not make time for her? Are you equiped both emotionally and financially to raise this child with her?

Personally, my money is on another man being in the picture. Like Petranus(sp?) said earlier, ask you lawyer on Monday about the best way too pursue a paternity test. If none of the above is true, and this truely is a mystery as to her motives, then you should be suspicious.

 

[KDOG]

I have to agree with some of the other sentiments here: Get a paternity test. Something doesn't sound right with her just up and dumping you when you are 3000 miles away and she is supposedly carrying your baby. I would STRONGLY suggest a paternity test....

 

[MotF Bane]

No bad terms when we left. We've talked everyday for the past 2 months. This was a total shocker to me. I'm starting to think her parents are part of the problem.

You can speculate all you want, as long as you a) get that lawyer, b) don't tell the ex anything, and c) remember to ask lawyer about a paternity test.

 

[BoberFett]

This isn't a "I hate you" situation. We both love and care about each other. She just "Thinks" this is the easier way of doing it. I really don't even know what to think anymore.

In other words, she's already got another guy.

 

[ShawnD1]

In other words, she's already got another guy.

What a dumb bastard that guy must be. Hey let's shag pregnant chicks! Surely this has no legal consequences!

 

[QueBert]

Not only that but a chick can put anyones name on the birth certificate and...well...this can screw anyone over.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/07/11/paternity.cases/index.html

Get a paternity test BEFORE the child is born and BEFORE any birth certificate is filled out.

OP's girl could also chose to not put his name on it, therefor releasing him from any finicial responsibility. I know females who have done it. I know dudes on here won't believe this, but not all females are out to rape a dude for as much $$$ as they can when it comes to a baby. It's possible she truly doesn't want him in the babies life period. I don't know him or her, so I can't answer this, but everyone jumping on the fact she has to be plotting to get all the child support she can is definitely jumping the gun. Plus she did tell him she didn't want him in the babies life, if he pays child support he'll easily get mandatory visitation regardless of how she feels about it. If she keeps his name off the birth certificate, it'll be hard as shit for him to get to a place where he can see his child. It might even be impossible depending on how she deals with it.

Again, I don't know her so this is all speculation based off females I know with kids.

 

[Chunkee]

zactly...find a good one...

Don't make any agreements, keep your mouth shut, don't say anything.

Get an attorney now. Don't tell her about it, don't say anything. Let your actions be guided by the attorney.

 

[Sea Moose]

This isn't a "I hate you" situation. We both love and care about each other. She just "Thinks" this is the easier way of doing it. I really don't even know what to think anymore.

She is a women and is probably hormonal from the pregnancy

 

[Nik]

Guess you should have been more responsible about who you knock up, eh?

 

[JohnOfSheffield]

Guess you should have been more responsible about who you knock up, eh?

Oh like you have nev... oh wait, you're still a virgin...

 

[nick1985]

Demanding updates.

 

[JEDIYoda]

Wow, that sucks for you and your kid. It really doesn't matter what she thinks or wants though. It matters what the courts decide (which will probably be in her favor since she's a woman, but you can expect to at least get some kind of visitation).

Does she expect you to continue to help financially?

Thats a moot point!! He will have to pay child support anyways...no way he can get out of that...unless she agrees to waive that but...the only problem with that is later on in life if the going gets tough for her she can get an attorney and be awqarded all back child support ...etc...you get the picture.....

 

[SunSamurai]

Oh like you have nev... oh wait, you're still a virgin...

It's like im in Jr High all over again.

How old are you?

 

[nick1985]

It's like im in Jr High all over again.

How old are you?

He is a Jedi. I believe he is 600 years old

 

[ahurtt]

Um... you're the child's FATHER.

Uh, he never actually said that was the case. But let's assume it is.

I have some questions that spring to mind though. The mother is 6 months pregnant. . .how long has she been "the ex?" Did relationship troubles start before the pregnancy or after? This kind of thing doesn't usually just happen over night. Was the pregnancy intentional? Does she expect any kind of financial support from you?

 

[ahurtt]

Why is this easier? It isn't easier for a child to have one parent.

As a father, I have to agree with this. Only an inexperienced moron would think that raising a child alone would be "easier" than with help. Hell, I only have 1 daughter and it's hard enough on my wife and I together. Not to mention the psychological effect on the child of not having the other parent around. So, OP, for what it's worth, I think your X is stupid. However, for all I know you are physically abusive or a drug addict or something so then again maybe she has every right to want you out of her life. But I haven't read far enough into the thread to get all the details yet assuming there are some so I'll reserve judgment. . .not that what I think matters for shit anyway.

 

[ahurtt]

Hmm... Still not right. I'm apt at using computers, but my mother is inept with their use :^)

Maybe he said "inept" when he meant to say "adept" which is sort of a synonym for "apt."

 

[ahurtt]

I've met him in person an known him online for several years and am also well acquainted with another one of his ex gf's (no baby there) and he's a good guy.

Wait, are you saying this current "ex" of his who's 6 months pregnant now is an "ex-girlfriend" and not an "ex-wife?"

 

[Mr. Lennon]

Why didn't she come along with you to help your father?
If she couldn't because of certain obligations (job, school, etc.), why couldn't your father come live with you? Seems pretty selfish of your father to pull you away from the most important 9 months of your spouses life. Women want their man to be there for them during those months leading up to the pregnancy.

There is a good chance she must feel that the OP is prioritizing his father over starting a family and caring for her. Knowing that she will always be 2nd on the list of the OP's priorities probably doesn't make her feel confident about the relationship.

 

[JeffreyLebowski]

She's in California, you are boned. She can say she will absolve you of parental rights and you may think you don't have to pay child support but:
http://oc-divorce.typepad.com/california_divorce_and_fa/2006/01/court_may_not_t.html
California law has been established that parents can not terminate parental rights and be absolved of financial responsibility.
In other words, no matter what you sign or agree to with her, she can bend you over a barrel any time she wants.
Never, ever, NEVER trust someone else when it comes to money.
1. You need to demand a paternity test.
2. If you are the father, you need to lawyer up and either go for custody of the child if you want it, or
3. Set child support payments up through the courts.

 

[ahurtt]

What sucks about it, is it punishes men for acting appropriately. I would treat any child as my own if I were dating it's mother. I consider it a package deal. It isn't right to force that after breakup though. All that kind of crap does is foster mistrust, and open up honest people to scams which are enforced by the full power of the state.

And I suppose you go around dating pregnant women all the time, huh?

 

[JeffreyLebowski]

Why didn't she come along with you to help your father?
If she couldn't because of certain obligations (job, school, etc.), why couldn't your father come live with you? Seems pretty selfish of your father to pull you away from the most important 9 months of your spouses life. Women want their man to be there for them during those months leading up to the pregnancy.

There is a good chance she must feel that the OP is prioritizing his father over starting a family and caring for her. Knowing that she will always be 2nd on the list of the OP's priorities probably doesn't make her feel confident about the relationship.

She's a dumb c-hunt if she can't understand that the OP's father suffered a stroke and needs constant attention. She's pregnant not bleeding from multiple stab wounds.
Having 2 kids myself, all I really did was help in the conception, she took care of the rest until they were born. then I got to share in diaper duty