So my ex girlfriend might be pregnant... tested positive.... *please help* (pg.2)

[UberDave]

... by some other guy.



I was smart and took some of your advice to leave her but she's in a tight spot here. I need the "all wise" directional reasoning from ATOT. The guy is out of the picture- non speaking terms with her, she wants nothing to do with him. Some loser I guess (but that doesn't say much about her). She finds out for sure on friday, and if it turns out to be true life is going to take a 180 degree turn. Her dad that she lives with will kick her out for sure (fvcked up family- her sister is / was 15 with 2 kids and lives with some guy), and she knows no one. No real friends or anything and no family. Her mom lives behind a bar and is a alcoholic / drug addict with no money.

I don't want this kid to grow up on the streets with her, if that. She is seriously considering suicide (not joking or messing around) I told her that her best bet was adoption but she wants nothing of the sort. She's against abortion 100% and I support that also.

However- while she was crying I was sitting here and thinking.... She doesn't want me to do this for her (too generous) but I was thinking about taking up 2 catering jobs (best paying for my age) and work basicly 24/7 and get a apartment around here for us just so the kid can almost live a normal life. For a year or so. She can work at the club I belong to- to get some money and there's a daycare center that can watch over the kid while she works helping pay the rent.

PRO:
-kid lives
-she lives
-can live someone decently
-basicly have a family and be somewhat happy.

CON:
-work my a$$ off
-parents would disown me even though I would be helping someone through the toughest time of their life
-put off college for 1 semester for rent money



What do you guys think.... am I going to far on a branch? We both feel for each other still....

Help.


EDIT: She just messaged me telling me she took a test and it was POSITIVE....they said it may be because of stress, so she is taking another friday

 

[her209]

Don't be a doormat.

 

[UberDave]

Originally posted by: her209
Don't be a doormat.

What would you do?

 

[vi edit]

My first thought is through legal means, or if nescessary, brute force to get a DNA test out of the deadbeat daddy and pin him with a chunk of the bill.

My second thought is for her to try and seek *some kind* of job that gets her at least a rudimentary form of health insurance.

My third though is to start seaking the assistance of any and all adoption agencies in the area.

 

[ChrisIsBored]

UberDave..... some girls b*tch.

Would make a cool bumpersticker eh?

 

[SoylentGreen]

This is NOT your problem.... at all.
You would be used by her, I can see it almost as clear as day.

 

[Chaotic42]

I'm telling you that this will only end badly. That kid will have no more normal of a life if you do this. You'll be a doormat, just like her209 said. You'll be sucked in, and it won't just last for a year.

She needs to give the baby up for adoption once it is born.

 

[Daniel]

Originally posted by: vi_edit
My first thought is through legal means, or if nescessary, brute force to get a DNA test out of the deadbeat daddy and pin him with a chunk of the bill.

My second thought is for her to try and seek *some kind* of job that gets her at least a rudimentary form of health insurance.

My third though is to start seaking the assistance of any and all adoption agencies in the area.

Good ideas. So she thinks suicide is a good idea but abortion or adoption is wrong? I'm all for helping other people when I can but it sounds like you are willing to ruin your own life for her mistakes, not good.

 

[UberDave]

Originally posted by: vi_edit
My first thought is through legal means, or if nescessary, brute force to get a DNA test out of the deadbeat daddy and pin him with a chunk of the bill.

My second thought is for her to try and seek *some kind* of job that gets her at least a rudimentary form of health insurance.

My third though is to start seaking the assistance of any and all adoption agencies in the area.

That's what I was thinking.

ChrisIsBored, shut up. I don't want to see no kid grow up like that. I don't want to see a kid go through adoption without having a chance or parents.

 

[WinkOsmosis]

So you want to pay for her to live in comfort she doesn't have to give up the baby for adoption? She is against abortion but is considering suicide? She is also against adoption yet is considering suicide? Forgive me if I sound skeptical.

 

[her209]

Originally posted by: UberDave

Originally posted by: her209
Don't be a doormat.

What would you do?

I wouldn't be a doormat.

 

[AreaCode707]

Why is she opposed to adoption? That's going to be the best thing for the baby, and ultimately for her and you as well.

 

[Dragnov]

Sounds like shes just completely irresponsible and looking to have someone take the fall for her (again).

I feel truly sorry for the baby/child.

 

[UberDave]

I probably would ruin my life...for the time being. I just want her to have some place for a year or so- to get her feet on the ground. After that, she has to find something else I guess.

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: UberDave

Originally posted by: her209
Don't be a doormat.

What would you do?

Life can stink sometimes, can't it?

She's more or less on her own here, her family sounds like they of no assistance, but do you really want this responsibility?

It's nice to help, but you're just taking on a world of hurt here... You do have a big heart, so you get many Grasshopper points for that!

Grasshopper

 

[UberDave]

Originally posted by: HotChic
Why is she opposed to adoption? That's going to be the best thing for the baby, and ultimately for her and you as well.

I'm thinking that is the BEST option for her life.... but her life isn't the greatest as it is. Hopefully maybe i can talk her into it.

 

[CJZ]

Good intentions often lead to bad outcomes.

I think that there was a case where a guy supported his girlfriend and her baby (not his own). He thought the baby was his. Later it was proven that the baby was some other guy's kid. Court ordered that he had to continue to pay the child support.

Granted your situation is a little different but you should proceed carefully.

 

[vi edit]

My biggest concern - for the time being anyway - is for proper prenatal care. Not so much an issue early on, but once you start getting up to 6 months, 7, 8, and 9, then it becomes almost a weekly, and sometimes daily event. And NOT cheap.

If you search out soon enough, you may find a couple looking to adopt that will pay for a huge chunk of all doctor visits and delivery fees. (okay, that didn't sound right )

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: Chaotic42
I'm telling you that this will only end badly. That kid will have no more normal of a life if you do this. You'll be a doormat, just like her209 said. You'll be sucked in, and it won't just last for a year.

She needs to give the baby up for adoption once it is born.

Originally posted by: Kiyup
This is NOT your problem.... at all.
You would be used by her, I can see it almost as clear as day.

Totally agree... You could help her give this baby up for adoption, but no more...

Grasshopper

 

[Atrail]

Might

Her parents should not kick her out.
Take one day at a time.
Remember, you have a life to live too!

 

[her209]

Originally posted by: UberDave
I probably would ruin my life...for the time being. I just want her to have some place for a year or so- to get her feet on the ground. After that, she has to find something else I guess.

C'mon man! Listen to yourself. Ruin your life over something that isn't your fault.

 

[gopunk]

Originally posted by: HotChic
Why is she opposed to adoption? That's going to be the best thing for the baby, and ultimately for her and you as well.

agreed.

are you uberhigh uberdave? why are you even still talking to this girl... dumping chaos is no good if you're still going to talk to chaos.

We both feel for each other still....

argh, move on already. this girl is nothing but trouble (case in point).

if you feel for the kid, tell her to consider adoption or abortion.

DON'T LET HER DRAG YOU INTO HER PIT OF RETARDLAND.

 

[Hammer]

adoption is the best thing for the kid. you might be able to pull if off for a few months, but do you really think you'll be able to commit the next 10-15 years?

 

[UberDave]

Originally posted by: grasshopper26

Originally posted by: UberDave

Originally posted by: her209
Don't be a doormat.

What would you do?

Life can stink sometimes, can't it?

She's more or less on her own here, her family sounds like they of no assistance, but do you really want this responsibility?

It's nice to help, but you're just taking on a world of hurt here... You do have a big heart, so you get many Grasshopper points for that!

Grasshopper

She was on her own until I brought it up... I dont know... maybe we can try it and see how it goes. If we fail- adoption is her only choice.

Do the points make up for the ones I lost? heh

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: UberDave
I probably would ruin my life...for the time being. I just want her to have some place for a year or so- to get her feet on the ground. After that, she has to find something else I guess.

You know, that statement probably seems perfectly reasonable to you right now.

10 years from now, you're gonna look back at this and smack yourself...

*smack*

There, feel better?

Grasshopper